Here we go

Oh hey! You've found me! 😎💛

Welcome to my first episode on this Insightful channel. I'm nervous, sweaty, and healing from some sort of sinus thing which is hilarious knowing this episode is about to live on the internet for however long with me sounding nasally and tired.

But whatever ... it's 1.11.25 and I promised myself that I'd honor the synchronicity that symbolizes aligned new beginnings in my life.

These notes are going to be raw, unedited, and honest. I'm tired of curating the perfect messages or trying to fit into neat little boxes out of fear that I'll be misjudged, 

Here's to celebrating humanity, diving deep, and soulful self-discovery, my friend. :)

Transcript

  Oh my god, I'm so excited that you're here. I can't even tell you. This, ugh.  I'm sweating profusely. This is my first episode. I'm sick. Right, I have a sinus thing going on. I have been excited about this for weeks and was like, I'm going to launch this on 1 11 2025, because January, not January, because 1 1 1 is my sign from my spirit guides for new beginnings and being aligned with my soul, and this week, I'm like, I'm going to record these little notes to you, and it's going to be wonderful, and I'm going to make it this certain type of thing, and then I get sick.

And I'm like, oh,  and then my ego was like, you know, it'd be really good is maybe you wait until the 22nd, or maybe 2 2 2 in February, and I'm like, why? I'm just talking to my friends, like, my friends who know and love me don't care if they're getting a message from me. When I'm sick and don't sound perfect and that's part of the reason why I wanted to bring this to the world and by the World, I mean to people who are meant to receive me  because  So much of my life has been hell bent on being perfect and achieving and striving and if I'm perfect then I'm safe But that's not true. 

And I have a podcast called the Free Your Heart Podcast that I love and that, candidly, I'm also, I have struggled with and have become extremely bitter and resentful because  I lost myself in that podcast. My voice isn't even in that podcast. Yeah, I'm asking questions.  But I'm amplifying other people's voices and their work in the world, and I love that.

I love having conversations, but, and I don't know if you know this, it takes a lot of time and energy to produce one podcast episode. You have to sit down, or find a time to sit down with someone. You have to get their bio and their photo and then you have the actual conversation and then all of the work is on you.

You have to edit it and you have to add the soundtracks and then you have to get it ready for publishing and then you have to write about it and then you have to publish it to your feeds and hope that maybe the person that you interviewed would be willing to share their work and to share the podcast episode, which is so funny because I've had people on my Podcast that never shared our episode and when I tell you it broke my heart  I pour so much of what I do So much of my heart and soul into the things that I do because I want to leave just a little bit of me And everything right like a little energetic imprint of me and When I take so much time and it's not even shared, you know so but I realized that the bitterness is because I lost me and because I'm not in that podcast and and One of my gifts is to be able to ask questions.

That's why I wanted to have a podcast is because I have intuitive questions You that come through me that help people respond in their highest light. And that's why, you know, I actually get a lot of pitches for people to be on my podcast, but I refuse to do it with people I don't know now after some of the things that I've walked through with people who have pitched me in the past and then they don't share it and I'm like, oh, fuck no.

Okay. But all of that aside,  thank you for being here with me. I want this to feel like You are with me. I want to be raw and transparent and I want to share my processes with you because I think that  I just don't see it out in the world, right? But I can't, I can't do this in a way where I open myself up to the masses.

Like, that's not my style. I've never been that way. I'm very reserved. I'm very, like,  guarded isn't the word,  but I am very specific about the type of people that I allow in to my  That I allow in to really experience my depth, because for so long most of my life I've told myself that I overwhelm people, that I'm too deep, I am too expansive, I'm too much, I'm too whatever, or I overwhelm people with my knowledge, so I reserve it, right? 

And I'm tired of doing that, and I'm tired of keeping people from me, but also I want this, these notes to feel like we're, we're truly friends, you know, like,  I needed to create a space where I felt safe enough to be free, and having you listen to me right now means the world to me, and if you only ever listen to this one thing,  Just know that I love you and that you are worthy of love and that you are so fucking important And I'm so happy to be alive with you at this time  Because each of us are here for a reason and if you're in the spiritual spaces you hear that in your eyes kind of glaze Over but you actually don't understand the impact that you have in the web of life Truly, so thank you for being with me I also wanted to create this experience in a way where it's kind of like a speakeasy and like I,  I haven't had a drink in a year.

I decided to let go of my relationship with alcohol, which I'll talk about later,  um, because man, oh man, that was one of my best friends, let me tell you what, but I,  I lost my train of thought. Another thing that I'm going to do with Insightful is I'm not going to edit these episodes, but they're not episodes to me, they're notes.

I'm not going to edit this. I'm just going to be me. Because I want to showcase to you that  it's okay to be you and that you are worthy of love no matter what. And it's not perfection that changes the world. It's just the core of your being. And that's why I'm creating these. And while I lost my train of thought, maybe it'll come back to me, maybe it won't, but I wanted to share the idea of this.

So, oh, speakeasies! I,  I did it.  Thanks, Braid. Um, when I, when I used to drink, I loved going to speakeasies. I  loved how it was like, you needed to know a secret code in order to enter, and you needed to, you know, Be ready for a vibe because speakeasies are close and intimate and usually, you know, like the bartenders have this personality And their drinks are insane, right?

like I would have cocktails that have like smoke in it or these like insane flavors and the music and the vibe and all that like Oh god, I loved it. And I realized like I am not meant for the masses I'm meant for those who are ready to receive me and that's why I wanted this to be like a secret podcast like if If, if someone comes to me, it's because they either found me on social and they resonate, and they're like, what the shit is this woman?

Let me learn more. Or a friend, you, tells them, and they're like, listen, this woman is talking some stuff, like, maybe you'll learn something, maybe you won't. It's cool to catch a vibe, right? Like,  That's kind of what I'm going after because that means that if you're here, you're meant to be here.  If you're here, you're meant to learn or experience or hear something to be, to be supportive or part of your journey.

Or maybe it's just to be like, what is happening over there? I don't know. Maybe I'm also here to expand you into doing something that feels aligned and scary to you. Like,  this idea of insightful terrifies me.  To the deepest parts of me, because I have this  unconscious belief that if you do not know all of me and that I am palatable and I can speak to you in a certain type of way, then my beingness is not meaningful.

And one of my deepest fears is to be unseen, and it's kind of like a curse, but it's not because I don't believe I'm cursed, I'm just, like, trying to have a metaphor, but  it's a really tricky balance for me to be so knowledgeable and so wise, and that sounds  not humble. But it's the truth of me. I know a lot.

I am insatiably curious,  like so much so for the span of eight years in my business thus far. I've spent over 100, 000 learning from masters in their field, learning hypnosis and neurolinguistic programming and mindset coaching and life coaching and tools and things to help you regulate your nervous system.

system and I've worked with people who have mastered their intuition and in different aspects and mediumship and, um, channeling and just all of this stuff because I'm so thirsty. But  the caveat to that is that when I share things and I don't get the engagement or the conversations or to be seen, it makes me insanely bitter.

And I realize, well, part of it is. I'm not made for social media. I'm made for close connection, you know, and I'm made to have people who are ready to receive me, to hear me, and to be with me. I don't want to just broadcast to the masses because I'm not made for the masses and maybe you aren't either, you know.

So maybe me going through this process will expand you beyond your fears. And like a note on that, your fear is the blueprint, like, It's your divine blueprint in this 3D reality as it stands right now because we live in duality.  The fears that you have, there's a deeper thing for you, there's a treasure there.

And I've been so hesitant about launching this podcast, this, I don't even want to call it a podcast, honestly.  This connection with you  is because if it's not perfect and refined, is it worthy?  And that is my own process. And so I just want to share the things that I'm moving through with you. I want to be real.

I want to be vulnerable. I want to be me. I want to be edgy and raw. And I want to swear and I want to cackle and I want to cry, you know, like I just want to be seen by people who are ready and I want. to be expressed because that's why I'm here. But it's just really hard when you live in a world where, like, people only care about money or they only care about these certain things and, like, the only way to have people work with you is if you sound like this and you do this and you have a funnel and you do x, y, z.

Like, I can't stand it.  So, leading this, Connection with you is important to me because it's honoring me  and so I can't guarantee that I'm gonna have a regular cadence or set amount of things or topics you can look forward to like I Refuse to box myself in because I'm fucking tired of it. I'm so oh my god I just saw the brightest flash of light.

Holy shit my clairvoyance is coming online because I've been doing a lot of  Consistent meditation and I'm seeing the fruits of that which is really exciting partially too because  This is such a side note, but whatever. This is my space.  I grew up with a mom who can see spirits and My mother and my sister Kayla, Kayla's the middle, she's the Sagittarius, although she's, is it Orphucan?

Orphu Oh, I don't remember. There's like a 13th zodiac sign, but both of them can see spirits. And I remember being viscerally jealous of that. Because what we are taught in our 3D world is like, if you see things, then you know it's real, right? Like, see to believe. I'll, I'll believe it when I see it. And I always felt so jealous and it, like, it was so unfair that I couldn't see spirits like them.

Like, I grew up helping my mom cross spirits over to the light, right? And I remember watching her talk to these people who were so afraid because of religious conditioning, because of other dark energies trying to control and manipulate them to stay, right? Like, I watched her  And the way that I knew that it was real is I could hear  I could hear words, I could feel energy on my scalp.

I could feel being touched. I could.  I could hear my own words, but, but they weren't my words in my mind. And I also remember when, when spirits would cross over, I could hear like the teeniest, faintest little bell.  And it wasn't until later that I realized that I'm, uh, one of my strongest gifts is clear audience, right?

Clear hearing. And so part of insightful is that I'm curious to see if I was fully expressed, what would move through you.  If I didn't have these, these blinders and these blocks on my expression, what would choose to actually move through me in a way, either frequentually, is that a word? Through frequency?

Or through resonance? Or through, uh, some sort of stringing of words together that maybe lands in you? Or maybe plants like a seed, you know?  I don't know. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just gonna be human. It doesn't matter. And it matters all at the same time. Isn't that a paradox? But, um, so I'm not gonna  stay boxed in with any type of thing.

I'm just gonna be me and I'm gonna see. And maybe sometimes I'm gonna trigger you, you know? And if I do trigger you,  sit with it.  Because, there's, like, I truly believe that your triggers are your treasure. There is always something there for you in your triggers if you are willing to actually ride the emotion and feel it without suppressing it or running away from it or numbing from it or whatever, trying to distract yourself from it.

Like, your feelings are emotional messengers giving you something to pay attention to. So if I trigger you, sit with it, breathe. Breathe baby, you know, like your nervous system is a gift. And so if you can breathe with it, maybe you'll find more clarity, right?  If I say something and I'm moving through a hard time because I will inevitably and I'm I'm like, oh, fuck, that's going to be an interesting journey.

Um, mm,  I do not,  please do not email me or message me to coach me because I've had people do that in the past and it closes me up in a clammy way that I'm like, I did not ask. I did not consent to be coached. Like please don't. And if you've done it in the past to me, know that I love you.  And this is new for me, right?

Like it's even new speaking my truth in this way. I could. Yeah, that's a story for another day, but  I also say Um, so a lot and like a lot and i'm working on not using as many fillers But i'm curious to see what happens  Through this free flow, right? So I did it.  I Wanted to share with you because this is my first episode I'm hoping to launch on right January 11th 1 1 1 because new beginnings and soul alignment, but  lost my train of thought Oh, okay the name for insightful because it's special.

I'm very spiritual being I have I've been walking on this journey since I was around seven or eight, obviously because I grew up with a mom who could see spirits and because I knew that the afterlife existed and it has been quite a journey of trying to tell people about this and now people are starting to wake up to it and I realize part of the thing about me is that I've just been ahead of my time.

So I'm an Aquarius rising if you know anything about astrology and I meant to be weird and unique in a, innovative and rebellious and revolutionary and that means that my path is unknown and my path is unknown because that's again how I'm going to find myself.  I am leading my own way with my own lantern and that is why people choose to work with me is because I'm willing to risk the darkness in order to see the light and that's why I'm so excited about Insightful because every time I've had epiphanies or breakthroughs or profound shifts or insights or whatever it's because I've led myself through my own process. 

Which is how Insightful is born. So, there was one night where I had this idea, I'm like, what if I did a secret podcast that was like a speakeasy style where if you knew about it somehow then it was divine. And I'm only gonna share notes and things like that. when I feel called or inspired or what I'm moving through or whatever.

Like, it's gonna be whatever it's meant to be. I'm just gonna allow it to bloom, right? And then I was like, man, what should I call this? And I had a blank in my brain, which is, you know, so fun. The silence. Obviously.  I had that,  that like, what should I call it? So what I normally do when I have names if they don't immediately come to me for like offers in my programs or whatever Like I knew the free your heart podcast.

I knew it. I was like, I want to free people's heart, man Like that's it. And then i'm like, can I even call that? That's so like so kitschy and i'm like, why the fuck am I judging myself? Like who cares? Who cares? Honestly It's not even about the name. It's about the expression. But so I I Before I went to bed,  I said, Sol,  please send me a name for this idea.

Please make it crystal clear so that I know without a shadow of a doubt that it is mine and it is meant for me. Please make it so known that it is, I'm 100 percent certain on it, okay?  So the next morning, I wake up, And coming out of the dream state, this word floated through my brain, insightful. And immediately my ego roared, right?

It was like, that's stupid.  That's so dumb.  Like when you think of the word insightful, that's like, that's a good thought. Okay. Oh, that sounds nice. Oh, she's probably going to be teaching about XYZ. Like how rigid, right? I don't know. I'm just, I'm judging, obviously. So my ego said, hell no. And so I let it go.

Okay. Bye. Bye. And then I tried to come up with other words, but none of them clicked in my heart, right? So I got this message on LinkedIn from someone who wanted to connect with me. I don't know, probably to pitch me some shit because people are always pitching people on LinkedIn and I can't stand LinkedIn, honestly. 

There's a lot of healing for me there on that capitalistic platform that I can't stand and people lie through their teeth about how excited they are about X, Y, and Z and I'm like, no, you're not because you actually wouldn't be doing that job. I know you would not be doing that job if money didn't exist in the way that it does you would not be doing this Shit, but you feel like you have to and everyone is hr polished and all that stuff Okay,  god, that feels good to say man.

Oh  So  I go on linkedin and I accept this person's request or whatever and i'm about to hop off but I I go and I see someone posted this thing and I'm curious about it and so I read it and I actually really like it. And you know how on social media they have those emoji buttons where it's like, I like it, I heart it, I care about this, I smiley face, you know, I thumbs the fuck down, right?

Uh, actually I don't know if they have that anymore, I'm not sure. But  I saw, oh, side note also, this is just me, but when I, When I react to people's things on social, when I'm actually present and doing it intentionally, that's the only time that I'll react to people's stuff.  I always heart it, always.

Because it's my intention that they feel even just a snippet of love, like a sparkle of love. That's what I do. So if we are friends on social media and you see that know that I I love you and I mean it Okay  back to LinkedIn So I see this post and I'm like, ooh, I'm gonna heart that but then something out of the corner of my eye Shows me that there's this like yellow icon and in the yellow icon is a light bulb and I'm like, what is this light bulb?

So I click on it and it says insightful and I'm like no shit  Really? And then I'm like, well, that's good to know. So I go to click the heart icon, as I always do. And guess what?  The yellow light bulb refused to leave my screen.  It was like my screen had been frozen And I couldn't choose any other reaction.

I had to close the app and restart it  And i'm like, oh spirit's got Jokes, baby. Okay. So now when I went to look up like, is Insightful taken as a podcast? Of course it is. And I'm like heartbroken, right? I'm like, well, what the fuck, Spirit? Why did you give me this idea if I'm like not allowed to use this?

And then in my head, I heard, well, your name is a code. And I'm like, oh yeah, Insightful with Ashley Maldor. So thank you for being here and for being with me. And this is going to be an interesting journey. I'm not attached to anything. I'm very, very curious. I lead my life through curiosity. And I follow my heart.

And I follow it even if it's  afraid. And I am deeply afraid of people  being triggered by me or not understanding me.  I am afraid that if you don't know who I am, very specifically, that my beingness is not meaningful. And I say that knowing that it's not true. I know, logically, that's not true. But, the thing that I've learned through all of my studies with, like, you know, NLP, and learning about the subconscious mind, and working with hundreds of people across the world, is this. 

Fear is loud.  And love is stable. And there is this thread within me that feels so fucking stable about finally being ready to be expressed in this way.  Not everything is going to be meaningful, and that is okay, and not every story is going to matter, and that is okay, and not everything is going to land with everyone, and that is okay, because I'm not meant for the masses.

I'm meant for me,  and I'm excited to see what happens, and I'm sweating. profusely.  And it's gonna be worth it because at the end of the day, if you always honor yourself, like, what do you have to lose? Nothing. Even death is just a portal into a new way of being, you know, like to a new level of consciousness.

And so I'm hoping that  in this process, if anything,  you feel  more inspired to follow your inspirations,  even if the fear is loud. Because There are specific reasons why you are feeling that way. Inspiration hits your heart  in a way that lights up your being, you know? Like,  it's yours. And the fear is just showing you where you're being invited to expand.

And so this is my next level of expansion.  Another thing that I wanted to share with you is like, I am tired of business the way that it is. I have spent eight years trying to model myself and my offers and everything in a way that mirrors or mimics other people because they're successful and like that is so boring now.

I don't want that. I don't want it. I don't want to do it that way. And I've been thinking about energy exchanges and part of me was like, well, I could make this  This connection with you Monetized I could make a membership I could charge like three dollars a month to have people access me because it helps me feel safer, right?

like I can't share everything with the masses because that's  Because I am not ready for that, and it's not the way that I want. I'm not meant for that, you know? Which is why this is like a secret.  But what I, one of the things that I walked through last year was, there was a woman who I follow, her name is Yeshwani, and I found her on TikTok randomly, and when she speaks truth, and she teaches, and she shares, it is so crystal clear and resonant with me that I am like, you are absolutely connecting to something so  Beautiful and whole and complete and divine and she had no way to work with her which for me I will scour the internet.

I swear to you I will scour the fucking internet to find out how to work with you if I know you like you could share one piece of Content and if it hits me, I will figure it out like full stop But  I went to check her links or whatever and she had no way to work with her and I'm like what the hell is this? 

But she had a link to donate And I looked at her, looked at that, and I judged that shit so hard. I was like, excuse me, who are you to accept donations? Why would anyone donate to you? And the moment I heard that, I was like, holy shit, this is something for me to heal. So part of, um, growing up in the spiritual space with my mom is that I also grew up with my dad who is Catholic, and I went to Catholic Church, and let me tell you what, Oh, we're still unwinding that shit.

And part of that is you only donate to religious causes, right? Like that's what I was taught. You donate to the church because that's how the church thrives, right? Like  So I sat with that and I was like, how can I heal this? And in that moment I donated to her and that I felt so free. I swear to you. I was like, oh my god Why wouldn't I if I could actually donate to my favorite content creators?

You Like, I don't always want to work with people. I sometimes just want to float them money that's moving through me. In a form of love, right? So in every episode I am going to have like,  Damn it. What is it called? It's like this donation link something about coffee like give a coffee or something  And you don't have to do it.

You never have to send me anything at all, but it's the invitation to play with When something inspires you follow that right? Like when I sent her a donation, although to me it's a gift So I Donation is like 501c3 non profit status  a gift in the form of energy because something moved me And I I followed up with that action.

Like that's truly the key to everything It's that simple if if you never listen to any other thing from me ever again, whatever it is Let it be this. When you are inspired and you act on it, your world changes. Maybe in tiny incremental shifts, maybe in profound ways, but you have no idea what happens when you follow that energetic cord because it's yours.

Again, it's yours for a reason. So,  Follow your inspirations, act on them. God, I just saw the largest, these flashing lights, man. Angelic stuff is happening, which is wonderful.  But I'm gonna have that gift button  solely because I'm curious and I want to play with opening myself up to quantum sources of abundance.

Because we're taught that the way that you make money has to look and be a certain type of way, right? Like you have to  You have to monetize your podcast, you have to pay for ads, you have to have a business, you have to have offers people can pay for in exchange for your time or your wisdom or whatever you're teaching, you have to have a salary or an hourly rate, and I'm like, you know what?

This shit is so boring.  It's so boring. So I'm curious to see and maybe nothing will happen. And that's okay because I honored my heart and maybe something will happen and that is okay because I honored my heart You hear what i'm saying? Like you can't go wrong if you expand yourself and allow yourself to play.

So this is our first Connection together in this way  It is an honor to be with you in a more fuller expression of me. I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  It is an honor, and I need you to hear this. It is an honor to be alive with you at this time. You are so necessary, so important, so important. Needed. All of us, together, create the web of life.

All of us matter. Okay? You are special. You are unique. You matter. As do I. And part of it, me reflecting that to you, is because I have to hear it too.  Right? Okay. So, I love you and I hope you have a beautiful day.