Trusting the call

There are moments in life when the veil feels thinner. When something deep within begins to stir ... and you just know:
You can’t unsee what’s been revealed.
You’re being called to trust the unseen.
To follow the signs.
To become who you truly are.

In this episode, I share a string of moments ... mystical, raw, and real ... that guided me deeper into alignment with my heart and soul. What's happening is WILD, and I wanted to anchor this in on Insightful.

It's also my hope that by you listening to this one, it offers a bridge to expansion and helps you to see more of your own magic. 💛

I'm digging into:

• A familiar movie becomes a mirror for awakening
• A year of release opens the door to clarity
• A quiet moment becomes a revelation of true gifts
• A life-changing decision anchored in intuition
• An unexpected encounter with a child named after the sun
• Messages carried through visions
• Nighttime dreams that reveal what’s been hidden
• The sacred importance of rest, self-trust, and honoring your rhythm
• A reflection on the collective shift ... and your role in it

Note: My favorite deck is Oracle of the Hidden Worlds!

Transcript

 Hello, hello! Oh my God. Okay. I, I just have to have this information live somewhere and I felt like insightful was the perfect place and this, like, I'm sharing this partially to anchor it in for myself and also to potentially expand your vision and your awareness because of what I'm walking through. So I kind of don't even know where to begin.

Yes, I do know where to begin. Let's go. Last year. At the end of last year, I vividly remember sitting on the couch next to Nikolai watching The Matrix. And as I was watching The Matrix, 'cause I had seen it before and I don't know what compelled me, but I was like, listen, I'm gonna watch this. Okay. I started seeing things and picking up on messages and symbols that I hadn't seen before and I was like, oh my God, this movie is like.

It's kind of like a documentary, like it's telling you how reality is created, about how certain powers are the way they are and how they distort reality and programming and all this stuff. And um, even like the way alcohol is used to, I don't wanna say dim your life, but it really does do that. You know, like it cuts you off from your source of truth and just like all of the programming and conditioning.

And I was like, oh my God. Like this is. It's telling you. It's telling you. And while I was watching this, I was talking to my friend Amber, about the Matrix, and then I was also talking to my friend Lisa, who lives in Australia. And first, um, Hey, I love you both. Thank you so much. Uh, but I remember when I was talking with Lisa, going back and forth and stuff, I had this epiphany.

I was like. Oh my God. She doesn't see how gifted she is. Like she really actually doesn't see how profoundly gifted of a healer in a channeler she is. And I understand that because we have these identities and these beliefs that basically block us and act as blinders. So it shrinks your vision because you can't see yourself.

If you really actually can't see yourself and you can't see your magic, then you will always downplay it or you will distort it, or you will try to shift the conversation away from it because it feels too revealing or not true. Right? Like, and I watched her do this and I was like, she's actually so gifted.

And then I had the, the thought, I can see what other people can't see. And I've had inklings of this in my life, especially with clients because one of the things that I'm just really good at is I can hear people's limiting beliefs. I can hear it through their language, I can hear it through their emotions.

I can hear what they're not telling me. I can hear in between the lines of what they're saying, and then I can hear and see where that thought or that pattern is stemming from at an unconscious level. And then even furthermore, like. I can help pinpoint patterns because I can see them and then help people dismantle the structure, upholding that limiting or disempowering belief so that they shift into their, their power and their truth.

Right. And I've had inklings where it's like, I can hear limiting beliefs, I can hear what people can't hear or see what they can't see, but I, I just kind of like thought everyone can do this. So I just let it go. And I'm like, well, that's cool. Great, awesome. But like, I don't know, what do I do with that?

Right? Like, what? But I had a string of events just happen that is blowing my mind in a way that I wanna share it because I, like, I needed to live somewhere. And also I'm, my brain is like, what? Oh my God, it's 3 33. He, he, my brain is like, what is happening? So. I had that epiphany at the end of last year. I think also a large part of that epiphany has come from me giving up alcohol for a year.

Like I so feel that in the depth of my bones also how consciousness is expanding, right? Because we are expanding at a very rapid rate. I now do meditation or breath work almost every day, some form of it, or I go for a walk. All this stuff like self-care has become. Paramount to me. And now, you know, I'm living in more alignment by quitting my job and creating space to be in my business.

All this stuff, like I'm, I'm listening to the Nudges, you know, even though it's scary as fuck, I'm listening and I'm taking the steps even though I'm like trembling through it, and it's evident through my nightmares that I'm having on the daily. Okay. So great. So I have that moment, that epiphany with Lisa and Flash forward to now.

No. Six months, six to seven months ago, I had a dentist appointment and I always see the same dental hygienist. She actually loves me so much, by the way. Hey Stacy, if you ever listen to this, I love you. Like I love seeing you. You're so great and gentle and kind. Uh, but I. I had this dental appointment and in the process of this six months, right, I've been going back and forth and wavering like, do I quit this job?

Do I take the leap? Like, what can I do? And then having this tension in me that's like, oh God, but what about health insurance? And what about this stable income that I, I've calibrated to that I love receiving. Like, what if, and taking myself on these spirals. And then I was like, oh, no, actually I'm, I'm gonna figure this out.

Like, I'm gonna bet on me. I'm gonna do it like, because. What, what if in a positive perspective, what could happen? That's amazing. Like, and if anything it's wisdom and learning. Great. Okay. And then I'm like, well, what if I have hardship? Or what if I become like someone who just like is a burden? You know, all this stuff that's been ringing through my brain.

But I had this dental appointment scheduled and I finally had made the decision that I was gonna make the leap and I was gonna trust myself and I was going to go for it. No matter what, like I either learn something or it's something beyond my wildest dreams. I have no idea. I would just rather try and I had this dental appointment that I remembered that was in April at the end of the month, and when I asked.

To, or when I gave my resignation, I was gonna say, when I asked to quit, no. What? When I gave my resignation, I was, I realized like, oh my God, I only have dental insurance for so much longer. Like on the first week of May or May one, I will no longer have dental insurance, so I need. Or, and my dental appointment was in May, so I was like, I need to change this appointment to something else.

Like I need to get it while I still have health insurance because I'm not trying to pay 500 plus dollars or more for like x-rays and all the things I know I need. So I had to like, it takes so long to try and find a time, but my dentist. It takes months and months and months. Okay. But I was like, I'm just gonna call and try because if anything, maybe there's a wait list and I can be added and maybe I can get in before I lose my health insurance.

So I call and they were checking the schedule and they're like, oh no, sorry. And then they were like, oh my God, wait, they, someone just canceled. We can get you in next week, which was the week, like a few days before May one. And I am like, oh my God, this is amazing. Like thank, I'm, I'm taking it. Thank you.

Please God, get me in. So I saunter into the dental office. I'm sitting there and I see like this mom and this little boy who's like rifling through all of like the toothbrushes and all that stuff. And I'm like, oh my God, he's so cute. And all of a sudden. As I'm sitting in this chair, just like minding my own business, he runs up to me with this huge smile and these big eyes and he was like, hello, my name is Apollo A-P-O-L-L-O.

What is your name? And I was, I sat back and I was like, oh my God, what? Like, thank you for saying hello, but also Apollo like. I never hear people have that name. What an interesting name. And I'm like, okay, Ash. Like make a note of that because I loved Greek mythology as a kid. I loved Egypt mythology. I loved all that.

Okay. But I was like, there's something there. I don't know what it is. I just feel this like nudge. So I go home and I look up, okay, what, what was Apollo a symbol of? And so he's considered one of like the 12 main gods who reside on Mount Olympus. And he's known for music and the arts and healing in medicine, and light in the sun.

'cause Apollo is also the god of light. Uh, and he's the God of prophecy. He was the God of prophecy and his oracle. Um. His Oracle of Delphi was the one that was said to have channeled Apollo. So I'm like, that's cool, thank you. Alright. And I let it go. But then that night I was randomly scrolling, scrolling on TikTok, and this video showed up about the Oracle of Delphi's Temple and how the waters are flowing again.

And if you don't know, like. I think her name's Pithia. Pithia was the oracle who would channel information from Apollo and her temple was set on a fault line. And in the, now that we know, like they think that she was high on like methane or other gases because of the fault line in the chemicals coming up through the earth.

But she had a lot of prophecies that she shared. Like one of them was like the downfall of certain empires and. And the last one she said was that the water no longer spoke to her, meaning Apollo no longer spoke to her. The, the waters had run dry basically. And now it's interesting that the waters are flowing again, although I think they flow every year during certain seasons.

But it just is still a symbolic, especially as divine feminine energy is expanding and reawakening people to that balance and to that magic and stuff like that. So I am sitting here thinking, I had a little boy run up to me to tell me his name was Apollo and to spell it out exclusively and explicitly to me.

And then I have this video come up about this Oracle in her temple and how she was sharing prophecies and wisdom and guidance and things like that. And I, I was like, that's cool. So then I let it go because you know, like that tracks, uh, cool. And mind you, this is in May and it is May 22 for me right now.

So I went to the dentist at the last week of April and then met Apollo, that tiny cool child, and I see that video and I'm like, okay. So in the meantime between that happening in now. I, I'm experiencing, like I, for most of my life, I've seen shadows, I've seen mirage of energy, and I've seen flashes of light, but now I'm seeing flashes of light that is so.

Vivid and so colorful and so bright that it's blowing my mind. Like there was a day, I swear to you, in my bathroom, I saw a fluorescent pink with an outline of energy and it wouldn't go away. And I went up and I was like, this is not even real, like what is happening? But it's not like I was staring at the sun or anything.

It was just on my wall. I've been seeing massive flashes of bright blue light. I've seen red lights, I've seen orange. Orange orbs flying through my home like it's so wild. But I'm like, okay, that's cool, but like I'm not getting any messages about that. Like I'm cool. I see you. That tracks. I'm seeing sparkles, I'm seeing, starting to see more like auras around people, but I just am like, okay, maybe I'm making it up or whatever, but still there's something here for me.

Right.

I. In this process also of leaving my job. I am having nightmares almost every single night. But the thing about that that's so fascinating is that when I was a child, I ha I rarely dreamed. And if I did, the only dreams I would remember were the extremely vivid, violent nightmares. And now I'm having nightmares almost every single night.

And I understand that part of it is there's this underlying stuff that's. Being surfaced from my unconscious mind for me to see and to integrate, right? Like my fears around stability and power and who am I to do this and systems and structure, all of this stuff, like a whole bunch of fear. Unworthiness, not enoughness.

All of this stuff is coming up in symbolism, in my nightmares, and I'm remembering it like that is the thing. That is what, so I'm realizing another part of this. Is that I'm in the underworld. Oh, I sound so, it sounds so wild when I say this, but like even the oracle of Delphi, her, her temple was. In the basement.

It was in the, it was underground. Like she was sitting above the fault lines, you know? And so I'm thinking about how maybe my dreams right now is it's symbolism for me to be in my own underworld, to be able to make peace with the shadows and the fear and the limiting beliefs, and to love them and to pull through the wisdom from it and to integrate all of it into the wholeness of my being.

So I'm having these nightmares, which I've had so many, I've written about a few of them. But like, man, oh, it's so, and every night I'm like, my God, what's gonna come through? Goodness. You know? So outside of the nightmares, I, for the past few months have noticed that when I'm meditating, I used to only see black behind my eyelids, you know?

And now I'm seeing colors. Which is new for me. I'm seeing purples and whites and flashes of gold and oranges and like yellows. Like there's, I'm watching them move and shift and morph into these things, and I've never, I just haven't experienced this before. So it's like, wow, this is, this is interesting.

And usually I just like go with the flow because I'm not, I'm there to feel peace and to let all of the chatter in my mind just leave. But now I'm seeing these colors. Right. Well. Yesterday, something really interesting happened for me. So as I'm in meditation and usually at around 10 to 15 minutes, my brain has finally like let go of all of the chatter that it wants to like bring to my attention and run on repeat and loops.

And something happens where it's like I feel a lightning of my body, or I feel a wash of tingles or sensations or warmth or something, and I'm like, okay, this is the. Piece part, like clearly, if anything, from a scientific standpoint, I'm reaching heart, brain coherence, so that's great. But yesterday in this meditation, I'm seeing the colors and I'm like, woo, that's cool.

Thanks so much. Or whatever, which I've heard is potentially mirroring my chakras and like me seeing my own internal light, which I think is amazing, but. I started seeing shapes in the colors, and then the shapes quickly morphed into faces of birds like. I could see these eyes and these beaks and these feathers staring at me and I'm like, what is this?

What? Why am I seeing birds? Like, okay, so I come outta meditation and I'm like, well, that's weird, but cool. Alright, thanks birds. I guess, I don't know, like, I'm like, candidly I was like, what is my brain processing about birds? Like why am I saying, and I've never, I don't see shapes or faces, you know? So I come outta the meditation and immediately.

I see a flash in my mind's eye, like a memory of me, uh, pulling a card from my favorite deck, which is the oracle of Hidden Worlds. And I love it because it is stunningly beautifully designed, like these cards are, every card is art, I swear to you. And it's so etheric. So I saw a vision of me like, oh, I should pull a card.

So I walk over to the living room, I pull my cards out, I grab the deck or whatever. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, I'm gonna pull the SEER card, which I don't, I just saw a picture in my mind, but I'm like, I'm gonna pull a SEER card. Wait. And I don't know why I think that. Okay, so I'm shuffling the cards right as one does, and out of nowhere a card flies out of the deck.

Literally flies and you know that when it flies out, good god. It's significant. Like it is so crystal clear and I look at the card that's laying face down on the ground as I'm clutching the other cards in my heart, I'm like, it's the SR card. So I go, I flip it over and out of 44 cards, it's the SEER card.

And I'm like, this is so. Crazy synchronistic. And so like clear and like last time I pulled a card, I asked Fern to pull one for me, which he'll step on one or whatever, or bat at it. And he pulled the SEER card and I just let it go. 'cause I was like, thanks, that's cool. But this one feels significant because I saw it.

And then 44 cars, like what are the odds of that? You know, like what are the odds? So I sit there and I'm like. Dang, that's cool. And mind you, earlier in the day, 'cause I was driving home from work, I didn't get any synchronicities, but right before I turned home a 5, 5, 5 license plate was right in front of me.

And I'm like, okay, change in transformation. Like this is cool. So flash forward to, I put the cards back. I thank them obviously, and I thank myself for pulling them. And I'm sitting on the couch under a blanket because I'm about to start reading more of the Soul Rising chapters, which is. The book that I'm in, where I'm one of 33 women who share about our spiritual awakening journey and on purpose, I haven't read anyone's stories like we were supposed to read them and read our own.

Um, oh, I hope Natalie doesn't hear this. We were supposed to read them to check for like spelling errors and all that stuff, but I didn't want to, because I wanted to read these stories for the first time. In my hands, like I wanted to physically feel the weight of the book. I wanted to smell the pages. I wanted to trace my finger along the text.

Like I just wanted it to be this physical, visceral experience of this moment because I've been dreaming about this. So I'm, I'm sitting under a blanket because it's cold and drizzly and it's like 60 something degrees and dark out, and it's super windy. And I was so excited to do this. But then I felt this urge.

Like this surge of energy in my body that was like, I need to go for a walk. And I like my ego was like, I'm not gonna do that. I don't, it's cold outside. Like, I don't wanna do that. But I was like, I have to. And I don't know why I felt that. So I take my blanket, I toss it off me, I put the dogs on a leash and we go for our walk.

And partway through the walk, I see something outta the corner of my eye. I look over and I see this hawk. Swoop over and I like what a hawk like. I just, I just had a meditation with birds, you know, like, what is this? And I, it reminded me of the time, which if you have followed me at all, you may have learned about this story.

But a few months ago I was going through a program with Neilam, and it was basically around like an initiation. For priesthood or priestesses, and I was in the shower and had a vision of going to one of my favorite hiking trails, which I hadn't been there in a really long time. And frankly, I don't go there often because it's kind of far away.

But I was like, well, I guess I'm gonna go there, even though I didn't really want to. But I was like, I'm gonna go and I'm walking on the trail and it's a great day, and all of a sudden I hear like, stop. And I look over and I'm startled because I look to my left and I see this massive hawk sitting on a branch, right?

And I'm like, this. What, like this huge hawk is just looking at me and I'm sitting here like, are you why I'm here? And then I find out that that day, that transmission from Niem was from raw, like the Egyptian God raw, like what? Ah, so to come back to now or yesterday. I see that hawk. It reminds me of the one that I saw on the forest and I'm like, this is so synchronistic.

It's blowing my mind. Like what are the odds? Seeing this specific bird, even though I wasn't even gonna go for a walk, like I didn't want to. What? What are the odds of that? So I come home and I'm like, this is great. This is amazing. Cool, cool, cool. I decide to go for a walk this morning because it's sunny out and I'm not working.

Like I can do whatever I want. And as I'm coming home on this walk, because I happen to take this one way home or whatever, guess what I see on the ground? I see a hawk feather and it feels like kind of like a wink from spirit, like a nod, like a, this is real. And although I don't know what's happening specifically, I don't like, there's a part of me that's like, oh my God, like what meaning am I going to make out of this?

Like, what is, what does this mean? And. How can I keep having things like this happen because I wanna attach to something because it feels exciting and it feels new, and it feels expansive. And then there's this other part of me that realizes this is what it means to receive. I am receiving this information and then acting accordingly.

I received the images of the bird in meditation, but I had to lead myself to being in meditation. I had, I like, I had to do that and typically like I don't meditate every day like I would like to, and now I'm gonna make it more of a priority because clearly something is shifting for me in awareness or whatever I.

Or clarifying maybe in sight. But I had to lead myself because I felt the pull to meditate and then I received that impression or those images of the bird. I received the energy to F to go on a walk, even though my ego really didn't want to, but because I did, I saw the hawk. I went for a walk today and felt the pull of energy to go back in this different way.

And then I saw the hawk feather. I'm realizing like this is the key. When you have the inspiration or the nudge and you take that one action, you are going to be shown more. You're going to be given more because you are saying, yes, soul, I heard you, or Yes, spirit guides or whatever, like I felt you and I'm acting in accordance with it and.

For so long, like, so, so many of my offerings in business are like, what offers can I make? How can I help people in a way that like pays me in a balanced, energetic exchange and so that I have safety and stability and how can I create, and, and it's always been me kind of like pushing and forcing and trying to contort and bend and make things happen because you know, that's part of our conditioning where it's like if I am in control.

I can make things happen for me because this, at least if you're in America, it's the American dream. It's the land where everything is possible, even though it's not. And you know that's a lie. It's possible for billionaires, but it's not possible for most everyone else. And I'm like, oh, this, this is what that means.

I can trust that I'm giving up control, quote unquote, and stepping into the path of mystery in the unknown. By choosing to leave corporate and by honoring this nudge, I feel to be more fully present in my life and in my creativity and in my business and, and in my partnership and all that stuff, I feel pulled to that for a reason.

Even if it doesn't make logical sense, especially because there's so much fear around a recession, prices are increasing. Like of all of the fricking times to do this. I'm like, man, this is, this is a curious thing, isn't it? But I also vividly remember that when we were being, when I worked at Allianz, which is a financial firm or whatever, um, we, I was there during the start of the pandemic and I was like.

I can't do this job anymore. I, I honestly cannot, like I feel parts of me like withering. I feel like this is unsustainable for me, and I was telling one of my. Um, well, he was a friend at the time. He worked in the cafeteria and he made the best omelets man. Um, well, I don't wanna say his name, but if he listens ever.

Uh, but I remember so many conversations where we talked about our dreams and what we want. Like he wanted to be a sports coach and all of this stuff, and he wanted to look into his, uh, sports psychology. And he had all of these dreams, but he talked himself out of it. And I remember walking up to him and I was like, guess what?

I'm making a dream happen. I'm quitting this job, and although like I'm probably never gonna see you again because it was the pandemic. Like that day I was told, take your plants because you may not be coming back here. Um, I told him and he looked at me and he was like, there is no better time than now.

The world needs people like you. And I was like, what? The more I sat with that, I was like, yeah, it's in the darkness, it's in the chaos, it's in the breakdown, it's in the fear. That's when people like me shine because we get to illuminate a new way because we get to help you sidestep because we get to help you show how powerful your energy is and how your soul overrides systems.

You know, like that is power. I can show people that, and I just think it's no wonder that I feel called now at a time when there's so much fear because we are about to shift systems. We are about to shift into an entire new energy, a new way of being, a new way of loving, of sharing, of communicating, of treating each other well with, you know, like deep respect because more and more people are waking up.

To the light of who they are. They're waking up and remembering they're having spontaneous spiritual awakenings and kundalini awakenings, and they're starting to question, their heart is expanding in a way where it's like, I, I feel so much deeper. I'm seeing lights. I'm hearing words like I'm, I have this knowing I can't, I can't describe it, but there's something happening and it's because we're moving in and expanding in consciousness, and I'm like, God, what a time to be alive.

And it's just. I just find it so fascinating that I'm having all of these synchronistic experiences because more of me is coming online, like I'm remembering more of me. I just had to be brave enough to look like I just had to be brave enough to see myself, and I think that's why it's so. Wonderful to be able to have friends and spaces and places where you're held, right?

Like my friendship with Lisa helped me realize a gift through her vulnerability and her honesty. I could see that within her. And now to be where I am in my journey, I can see it within me. I wasn't ready to see myself. I wasn't ready to see the magic, the light. I wasn't ready to like. Ugh. Root into my knowing of how gifted I am.

Because if I did, like in the past, past versions of me would be like, you're, you're making that up. You're delusional. People are gonna think you're full of yourself. Who are you to have these gifts? You think that's real? You're not living in reality. All of that stuff. And now I'm over here like, but reality is.

What you make of it, it's what you perceive of it, it's how you tune it and work with it and shape it. So I might as well be seen in my magic by myself because if I can see myself, even if other people can't, it doesn't matter because I'm whole and more people are remembering that and I just think like, wow.

Although it is so dark and there's so much fear and so many like messages. That are trying to like contort and control you and make you believe you're anything other than divinity. You're remembering, I know because you're listening to me and it's be like so many people I. Do not see me. So like that has been a thing I've walked through for.

So eight years in business, I was like, why can't people see me? What am I doing wrong? What am I saying wrong? Why? Why can these people have the most surface level content I've ever seen in my life? Repetitive or stealing people's content or stealing spiritual people's teachings and not giving credit, like, and they're blowing up and having millions of followers and all that stuff.

And now I'm sitting here like, because. I'm not meant to be seen by the masses. I'm meant to be seen by me and by people who resonate in this frequency because I know that if I hold this space for me and I hold this frequency, it gives you permission to do and be the same. It gives you permission to look at yourself from a higher perspective and to love yourself more deeply.

I give you permission to honor your magic and to bring more of it into the world. Should you feel called like you anchor codes of light on the planet as a being of light. Do you know that? Exactly, specifically where you are, where you are meant to be, who is around you, not only for the Earth to experience your anchoring of those codes, but also for the people who have the gift of getting to experience your energy.

You are magic embodied period. So I'm curious to see what flows from these spaces, what happens for you as you continue to take more time for yourself and to care for yourself and to follow your heart and to follow those little nudges. Even if your ego's like, what? I don't wanna do that. And you're like, I know you don't, but my heart does, and that's different.

And I'm gonna honor my heart no matter what. And every time you honor your heart, you change the world. You change the earth you live on, you change your reality. Because when you honor your heart, you're saying, I am worthy. And I hear me, and that is magnificent. So I'm excited for us. I'm excited for me, and I'm excited for you.

And I'll bring more magical synchronicity should they come through. I hope you have a wonderful magical day, my friend.