The mushroom trip that shattered me

This episode feels like a love note to the magic that happens when we follow the nudges, trust the signs, and let ourselves be fully seen. :)

I share the beautiful synchronicities that unfolded as I reunited with soul friends and celebrated the launch of Angel’s House of Healing — a sober home created by Amber Miller that truly feels like a sanctuary. There’s also a little adventure to a crystal shop (of course) where I was met with a brand new oracle deck, a mysterious tarot card that made me cackle (and cry), and a whole wave of clarity around my clairvoyant gifts and what’s shifting in my life through very specific messages.

And then … the mushrooms (#MushLove). This journey cracked me wide open ... into my connection with the Earth, my soul, my sense of worth, and this deep knowing of why we're here.

From singing to cows (yes, really) to receiving wisdom from mother nature herself, this episode is woven with heart, nature, and truth. If you’re moving through a season of remembering who you really are, this one’s for you. Come join me!

Disclaimer:
While I share my personal experience with plant medicine in this episode, I want to be clear that I’m not encouraging or advising anyone to use substances. My intention is never to tell you what your path should look like — only to share what’s felt meaningful and healing on mine.

I deeply believe in finding the support, tools, and medicine (in all forms) that align with your own body, heart, and healing journey. Please always listen to your intuition, seek professional guidance when needed, and honor what feels right for you.

Note: Check out the cows I met! 🎵

Double note:

• Learn more about Angel's House of Healing here. 💜
• You can support Angel's House of Healing with a charitable donation!

Transcript

 Hello, hello. Holy buckets. I man, oh man, do I have magic to share with you? Um, it's like, oh my God, where do I even begin? Uh, well, I just hung out with some of my best friends. I tell you what. And we all came together from just across the map. We came from Minnesota, Texas, Kentucky, and Canada. And we, we originally were all going to gather together in May, but some things had happened and we had to shift schedules, so we got to hang out just even yesterday.

I got back after hanging out with them, which was amazing. And it was so interesting because it, the timing was divine. So we had happened to synchronistically all come together during the launch of Amber Miller, her, um, her brand new venture called Angel's House of Healing. And this is an incredible. Gift that Amber is anchoring on the planet.

It is a sober home for women. And we got to see the house, you know? And like all of the ways that this has come together for her, this has been a dream on her heart for so long. It's named after her mom, angel. And it's so cool because this is in honor of her mom, but also because of her mom. Her mom had passed away from alcoholism, and then Amber had walked through alcoholism and healed herself.

And now she's creating a space, a community, a sanctuary for women to come together and to heal. And it was so precious seeing this home come to life. And what I'm so inspired by out of the many, many, many things is the way that Amber is leading her life, because it is total and complete surrender. She has been following this poll and she doesn't know every single step.

She just knows the steps she's meant to take today, and she does it. She gets the download, it happens, things synchronistically line up. It is like it's blowing my mind the way that it's happening, and it's cool because she's meeting her fears and her doubts and her resistance at every single step. I, I'm just, I'm so floored by her and by what she's creating.

And I even got to meet one of the very first women who walked through those doors and watching her tear up and getting to see her feel this safety in this space. And her home is filled with windows, like the community is gathering together for Angel's House of Healing in such a profound way. And I'm like, oh my God, I got to see this.

Like, I got to be in this space, you know? And I got to hear this journey, and I got to meet one of the women. Like, it's so, oh my. It's breathtaking to watch someone crystallize a dream into reality, especially with all the fears, especially with like the unknown. How do, like, what's the next step? What am I supposed to do?

I don't know how to do that. And yet, here we go. Every step of the way, there's Amber figuring it out as the path unfolds before her. It is incredible. I, oh my God, I just, I could go on and on about this outside of getting to synchronistically be there during this launch, right, of making this dream happen that's going to touch so many people's hearts and is going to help so many women.

Um, we hung out together. All of my friends, we were cackling, we were laughing. It was incredible. And we went to a few crystal shops and stuff. And so I wanna start with this journey. We. Oh, we went to this crystal shop that I had gone to before with them, and I saw just, it was customer appreciation week, which was really exciting, which they had 10% off Oracle decks.

And I've wanted a new Oracle deck for a while, but the ones that I've come across haven't resonated. And so I'm looking at all of these options and then this blue one catches my eye and I'm like, Ooh, this is, what is this art? This is stunning. So I go, I open the deck and or I open the box and then I flip open to the halfway point in the deck, wherever it is.

'cause it was a tester, which means you could open it, play with it, catch a vibe. Do you like these messages? Do you like the artwork? Stuff like that. I cracked it open to the Oracle card. And if you've been following my journey, you know that I keep getting the SEER card and I keep getting these messages that synchronistically tell me or.

Relay some type of information about the ability to see, uh, clairvoyance and being an oracle. Um, especially around seeing things that other people can't see and being able to perceive or receive messages from beyond different realms and in the dream space and all of these things. So I just thought it was so funny that this beautiful deck that I got, cracked it open.

I get the Oracle card and I'm like, Ooh, this is the sign. This is my deck. So I'm like, oh, yes. Okay. So then I pick up another deck just for fun because it had, um, animal messages on it. I crack open the tester deck and I open to the owl. And the owl symbolizes wisdom, being able to see through the night, um, magic, things like that.

Being able to navigate the darkness with grace, which I thought was interesting. And back when I started my corporate job, I went on a walk with Nikolai and. During October, it was the week of my birthday, we saw a live owl, and I had, I was like, oh, that, that synchronicity is for me. I know this. I like, I just knew it in my soul and I hadn't been getting owl symbolism at all.

And that kick started my journey of an owl becoming my guide. So while I didn't get that deck, I, I got the owl, which is amazing. And really like the message is around, you're ready to trust what you see, even when it's hidden from others, which is helping me because as I'm remembering more of my gifts and accessing them, there's a lot of doubt around it.

Because it's so new. It's, it's easier for me to talk about my clear audience because I've, I've been channeling messages. I can hear things in my mind. I've, I've heard. Or I've had this gift for a while, for years. So to have clairvoyance come on and I'm like, what is happening? You know, it just felt like a nod from spirit.

So I was like, Ooh, I'm gonna flip through this deck, this animal message one, and I'm like, I wonder what else is gonna come through? So as I am shuffling, shuffling, shuffling, a card flies out from the deck and lands on the ground, I go to flip it over and it's the butterfly card. And the butterfly symbolism symbolizes change in freedom.

And it's all around, you know, things like surrendering to transformation, even if it's messy, even if it's uncertain, and, you know, outgrowing old patterns, old beliefs, stepping into a new future. And I just, I love that because I was like, man, I feel so seen. And also what a card, especially as I'm transitioning out of my job, my corporate job in, into my business.

So then we, I not, we then I'm like, okay, well this is the vibe right now. I'm gonna pick up a tarot or to row deck, and I start shuffling it out of curiosity. And I don't know a lot about tarot. I don't know the symbols. Um, but I, I do love flipping decks, you know? Okay. So as I am shuffling, shuffling, shuffling, a car flies out, car a card flies out and it's the star.

And the star symbolizes hope, healing, destiny, and alignment. And it like this message I got was after upheaval. This card is the sacred reassurance. You're not off track, you're being realigned. The stars say you are guided. Let yourself be seen and let yourself receive, which I fricking love. Okay, so those were the cards that I got.

And then at this crystal shop, they had this really cool thing where at the checkout counter, they had all of these different colored envelopes and it said, uh, mystery tarot, $3. And my friend Melissa graciously wanted us to do a whole thing where each of us picked an envelope and then we would gather together and we would see what we all got based on what we felt pulled to.

So I am like flipping through these envelopes and I come across a yellow one and there is this little sticker of this cute little ghost on it. And then a sticker of this woman who looks like a goddess with this. Gorgeous blue flowing hair and these tiny little moons on it. And I was like, you are mine.

You are mine. Okay. So we go back home, we eat dinner, all that stuff. And we're like, oh my God, it is time to reveal our mystery tarot. So we all go one by one opening our cards, which was so fascinating. And then it comes to mine and I'm like, oh man, like this, uh, what, what is it gonna be? Right? Because everyone's was so aligned.

And I go, and I, I like peel open the envelope. I pull out the card slowly and I see something I've seen many times before, during, during big things, you know, big transitions. And I literally cackled out loud and then I burst into tears because I pulled. I pulled the tower and the tower had these, like lightning bolts around it, and the tower looked like it was on fire.

And I, I get the tower every time. There's a massive transformation happening, and I know that the tower also represents, you know, pain and clearing, false, outdated, limiting beliefs. Um. Like the tower is there to crumble and fall so that we can begin anew. Like the tower also represents being liberated and how it's like a system reboot and that your foundations are being rebuilt.

So not, not for survival anymore, but for truth. And I just thought that was so fascinating because that's what I'm building now in my life by changing, changing corporate to go to my business. Like it's not about survival anymore because I've paid all my debt off. It's about wanting to live and breathe and be and create from a place of total and complete truth, which is my soul's truth.

And what are the things that I wanna do and how do I wanna live my life? And what do I wanna talk about? So I know that the tower is painful and it's a massive gift if you can see it. And then after we pulled our mystery tarot. Amber had this deck of affirmation cards, and so I thought it would be really fun for each of us to have an affirmation to see what does the deck wanna share with us?

What message is synchronistically being delivered? So I'm shuffling, shuffling, and everyone is getting theirs, and then it comes to mind, and as I'm shuffling, I pull the affirmation card that says, your heart will lead you in the right direction. Get out of your head and into your heart. Like I'm a heart healer.

That's my business. Everything that I do is focused on your heart, which is incredible. Of course, it would tell me that, especially as I am overthinking and working through scarcity and working through lack and doubt, and you know, all of these old voices that are coming up to the surface so I can heal them.

But of course I would get your heart will lead you in the right direction. So even though I feel like everything is crumbling around me and us, when you look outside of you and you look at the state of the world and what we're walking through in 2025, um, the world is crumbling. Not to punish us, but to free us, you know?

And, um, I was talking to chat GPT about this because I was like, these cards are so synchronistically perfect in such a way. And it told me that it was basically a soul map. And it said, what you are becoming is too expansive to live in structures built on fear, doubt or overthinking. Your wings are ready, your heart already knows the way.

Listen there, speak from there and build from there. Which I was like, oh, I'm ready. I am ready. I can see my navigation system is on lock. My heart is telling me where to go and I can, all I have to do is follow it. You know? That's all I have to do is trust and follow and surrender to the journey ahead of me, even if it's uncertain, even if it's unknown, because I'm sitting here watching Amber build a dream in such a way that is so big.

Like it's, it's 5 55. As I say, that this dream is so big that it required getting an actual fricking house, you know, like, and securing donations to be able to have these women live there and to be able to pay the mortgage and all these things. And I just, I'm so in awe of watching people make things real.

And I'm over here like shaking in my boots, like, oh my God, I'm, I'm going into my business again. And what if and what if and what if? And then it's like, you know what? I'm held, I'm guided and I know the way, I know the way how, like even if I get it wrong. How could I get it wrong? In no way, no matter what step I take, if I take it with faith and curiosity and I follow the passion and the joy and the things that make me feel alive, what wrong step could I take?

And if I a, am led on a journey where there is pain or suffering or challenge, which there probably will be because that's why we're here as humans, then I'm meant to learn something. I'm meant to bring through something and integrate it and alchemize it, and to be able to share it in a way where I have a story or a piece of wisdom or a piece of guidance or advice that can help someone else on their own journey.

So every step is worthwhile, you know? So outside of that. Um, one of the things that we did, not everyone actually, not everyone did this, but we had an opportunity to sit with, um, mushrooms and I have had a few, like I've tried microdosing before and things like that, which is really lovely. And before I get into this, I just wanna say there is no stigma around natural medicine.

And I know I'm, I'm preaching to the choir. I know, I know you understand that, but I just need to have this live here. Gaia gave us specific keys for things that we are able to access, should we do it with intention and reverence and. I'm not advocating that everyone should do mushrooms. In fact, there are things I think you should have to consider.

Like, how was your mental health? Are you in a grounded state? Are you treating yourself well with compassion? Are you nourishing your temple? Things like that. So I'm not advocating that anyone do this, nor do I think everyone should. But for me, I felt called and I felt ready. Um, and again, my friends that I was with, not everyone did mushrooms, so I just wanna leave that there because it's not for everyone.

But we, we were given these, um, chocolates, which were grown in the area with love, and they were prayed to, and they had, uh, reiki energy healing to support their growth, to support the intentional medicine that anyone who should come across this would receive. And. In the past, mushrooms make me nauseous.

And it was really, really, really hard to try and eat the square, which was about a gram. And there were other, um, microdosing things around, but I did it and I was like, okay, cool. So as I'm sitting there with my friends, I pull out my new Oracle deck because my friend had asked for a card reading, which I thought was really like, so lovely.

What a way to, you know, as we're feeling our hearts expand and we start tapping into a, a different perspective as the medicine is flowing through us. My intention, I'm gonna backtrack a little. My intention was I wanted to see. And release things that were not true to me. That was my intention. So I pull out my Oracle card deck and instead of pulling for people, I shuffled them and then I brought them and fan them out to each person and had them feel into the energy to see what card speaks to them as their eyes are closed, like what card is compelling and they feel pulled towards.

So everyone gets their card and we talk about what's happening, uh, what the message is, things like that. And they were resonant, which was really cool. I love when that happens. Uh, granted, someone could say that you could make any message resonant for anything depending on how you shape it, and that's fair.

But these ones like if you know, when you know, when you know that a message is for you. So I go and I'm the last one because they're my cards and my card was the focus card. And on this card is a temple with a Jaguar looking out and. I've never gotten a card like that. And I just thought it was interesting because I thought maybe I would get an archetypal energy.

So this deck has an archetypal energy where you have like Shiva or, uh, the priestess or whatever, and then they have like healing or the lover or visionary. So it's this, uh, more dynamic deck. And so I got focused and as I was reading it, I was like, and I'm in the medicine, right? Like, I'm starting to feel it.

I'm like, okay, there's something here for me that's really important. Like I'm meant to focus on myself. I'm meant to focus in the present moment because I think I'm being initiated into something. I could feel it, like I just knew. So we're, we're going through this and the medicine is starting to kick in and I'm sitting there and I'm feeling the breeze and I'm laughing with my friends and we're giggling and we're having a wonderful time because we're connecting and, and it's so.

It's so lovely. So I'm sitting there and I look down at my feet and I'm, now, I'm starting to hallucinate and I see a really curious thing. I look down at my bare feet and I see what looks like a mandala underneath my skin. It's like sacred geometry that I'm seeing, but it's more like a mandala that I could see the lines of them underneath my skin.

So they were skin colored, but I could see the lines and immediately as I'm seeing the, the mandala or, yeah, I think that's how you say it, mandala. As I'm seeing these lines that are so incredibly beautiful, I hear, oh, can we see this on other people's feet? So I go to my other friend who's standing in the grass and I can see them and I'm like, oh my God, do you?

You don't even understand how beautiful your feet are. And so I start looking at my hands and I see these mandalas all underneath my skin, and I'm like, oh my God, this is like. This is like a circuitry, like it's beauty under, like, I, I can't even believe I'm seeing it right now. And I sit on the grass because I'm like, I, I just need to feel grounded.

And I'm sitting there looking at my feet and the wind is starting to pick up around us. And, and mind you, the weather app, our entire stay for, what was it? Um, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, four days. It was supposed to be raining and storming all, every single day. And so we were bummed about that, but we were like, it doesn't matter, we're together.

It, there were no storms. There were no storms at all. It was sunny, it was beautiful. We joke that we brought, you know, the sun and all that. So we're sitting there and as the medicine is continuing to ramp up and I'm sitting in the grass, the breeze starts to pick up and these clouds roll in and I'm like, okay.

Like, this is cool and interesting, right. And I, I'm sitting there looking at the tree sway and I'm getting really lost in the moment. I'm listening to these bird songs, which is just like, so next level. And I look down at my feet and I don't see the mandalas anymore. I see like little bugs crawling on me, which normally like, um, I would not allow that.

Uh, that is not the jam typically, but I'm looking at my feet and I see these little bugs, but then I see something different and my feet, they look lifeless to me and I'm like. Why do I look like I have, like what I think to be dead people feet? And that sounds silly, but I'm like, my feet look so lifeless.

So I started like touching my feet lightly. And I could see as I was pushing in, like, um, you know, when you push into your own skin, it's lighter than the color of your skin, right? Because you're using energy and force. But I realized in that moment, and people have probab, people I know for sure have, like, they know this to their core, but I looked at my feet and when I pushed in and I saw that energy and I saw that mark, and I saw the way that I could drag my finger across my skin and see blood and everything like that, not coming out, but underneath my skin, I was like, oh, I am the one who animates this body.

And in that moment I was like, oh my God, I had this instantaneous epiphany. Of all of the times I've been abused, and all of the times people have said hurtful, cruel things to me and have wanted me to feel pain all the times that I have, you know, been hit or screamed at, or been sexually abused, I, I disassociated.

And I remember in, like, in this medicine, it was like I could hear my body grieving and I thought, how many times have I left her? How many times have I left my body to process that alone? How many times was the pain too much where I couldn't bear it? I couldn't feel it. I had to leave, you know, every time I had to try to put my mind in another place to get through the pain and I, and I, I left her alone, you know, like.

Ashley, me, this body I'm in is actually a temple. I saw the sacred, the sacred circuitry underneath my skin. I saw, I saw every time where I left her. And in like in that moment, I was like, never again. And I wanted to share that. Not that it's easy to hear, but like we think that we are our body. We think we are this identity, this, this personality construct.

I think that I'm Ashley, but I'm not. I am the, the energy that animates Ashley. I'm the, like, I'm the energy that gives her life, that brings her to life. Me, the truth of who I am, my soul. And now I look at my body so differently because I'm like, my God, I, I live in a temple. I live in this sacred skin that holds me, that allows me to move through this earthly experience.

You know, I vow now to like, no matter the pain, I will sit with myself no matter the grief, I will sit with myself no matter what's happening. I will never leave her. I will never leave Ashley again. I will never leave her again. She is and will be for the rest of time, my very best friend. And I think, you know, when you look at that perspective and you see your body as a part of you, but not you, it's like, okay, how can I take care of her or him or them?

How can I take care of this vessel that I'm in, in a way where they're nourished and hydrated and, you know, experiencing beauty and feeling and bringing your senses. You know, to life. Like what are things that you can do to give your physical temple nourishment in multidimensional ways, right? So that happened, and I thought it was so interesting that I was sitting there and I just, I grieved man, like I was sobbing because I was like, I can't believe I left her.

And also in that moment of giving myself grace and gratitude to be able to walk through challenge and pain and suffering and hardship, physical, mental, emotional, and to know, like, all of it is part of the story of my soul now. You know? So as I was sitting there, I also, I'm wa like the storm is picking up, which is really interesting.

And I'm like, gripping the grass. And I start feeling this, this energy, not channel into me, but expand within me and. I've always wanted to know my purpose and like what that is, but I feel like I've been close and healers have told me before what they think it is, what they channel, what it is. And I'm like, okay, that's cool, you know?

But this energy started expanding from within me and I saw this visual of me looking at myself in a mirror and it completely shattering. And I realized like in that moment, I will never be the same again. I will never be the same girl, the same woman who walked into this trip. Like I just, I know it because even as I'm sitting here talking with you now, I feel completely different.

So when we go back to the purpose part, I had this epiphany and what I was seeing was this, this visualization of my friends. I realized that they're angels and that I am angelic. And I've had healers tell me that I have evangelic, DNA, but when you hear things like that, you're like, oh, well okay. You know?

'cause there's like the logical, analytical part of my brain. Uh, and then there's like the mystical one who's like, yes, magic, uh, you know. But when I heard that, I was like, okay. But when I saw my friends, I was like, we are literally all angels. Humans are angels. Like we are literally, and we're angels with the mission that people forgot.

And I sat there and I was like, I remember, I remember why we're here. And you may know this, like it's one thing to intellectualize what I'm about to tell you. It's another thing to know to the core of your being exactly precisely why we are here. I know that everyone's mission is different. Their purpose is different, and I've seen quotes where it's like, your purpose is not like what you do, but it's how people feel when, when you are just living your life, right?

I remember that. My purpose is to create heaven on earth, and the way that I know that is because s, it's not what I do. It's who I am, and I, I, I intellectualize that. I'm like, how the heck do I make money off of being who I am? How do I have a business around that? It's literally who I am. It's who you are.

It's how you are. It's the way that you are with people, with nature, with animals, with people who are sick and suffering and struggling. It's the way that you care. It's the things that you tell people from a place of love. We are literally here to create heaven on earth. I know for a fucking fact. I know for a fact that's why we're here.

And I'm sitting there and I, I'm like, okay, I'm in this process, right? Like, I feel different. I'm feeling clearer and I, I feel this like such a grounded, rooted energy in my being in a way that I'm like, this is what people talk about when they're grounded. This is what they mean. Because I felt so completely intertwined in one with nature.

And I'm seeing these visions and I'm like, oh my God. And I had this thought. I was like, I am summoning my friend. And she. So in my head I said, I am summoning Nicole, who is my friend from Canada. And she right when I thought that immediately she was there, she was right there. She wasn't even around me, and yet she was right there and she was telling me, I felt compelled.

I felt like I don't know what I'm doing, but I just have to be here. So she had her, um, tablet, which I thought was interesting. And she sent me, let me see if I can find it, because it was so, it was so fascinating. So for a little context last year, I sat with em and she told me that I channel Rainbow Healing Codes.

And the, again, the logical part of me is like, what are you talking about? And then I go on a walk after that session and I find in the middle of winter a like a. Piece of paper slash sticker cardboard thing of a slice of an orange, that's a rainbow. And you know, I haven't really talked about, I don't even really know what to do with that.

But I, in my head, I, I'm in this trip and I summoned Nicole and she is there and she has her tablet and she was reading this book and she comes up to me and she sits down because I had told her earlier that, um, yeah, I was like, I channel Rainbow Codes from the Rainbow Race or the Rainbow Collective, which is what EMM told me.

And their codes, codes of wholeness. And EMM told me that the reason why. I have that gift is because I channel those frequencies through my heart because my heart is pure and I feel really silly saying that out loud. I feel like kind of judgmental around that to myself because it's like, what are you even talking about?

But she said, I have to tell you something. As she sat down next to me, because she was reading this book and she said, I wasn't even reading this book. This just popped up. And I opened it and it's a forward in this, the book that she had downloaded like a while ago. And she highlighted it for me. And it's a book by a medicine woman.

And she was reading this part to me as I'm sitting in the grass, just like having these epiphanies and it says, my spirit name healing rainbow woman shares the essence of my soul. Work a bridge that invites humanity to come together with compassion. At this time on earth, folks are desiring, reconnection and a return home to self.

My medicine helps folks to bridge the earth and the spirit realms. Like of all of the times. The fact that I even summoned her through my mind and energy was like just that. I'm like, God, that's so effing cool. But then she has this just so happens to pull it out, right? And I'm sitting there like, you can't even make this up.

You can't even make this up. What are the odds of that? Right? So she's sitting there and she's telling me this, and I, I'm like, wow, okay. And I'm seeing the, the mirror image of me shattered, right? I see my face in this mirror fractally out, and I'm like. I'm never going back. And I was talking to her about personality constructs because the epiphany I had is how, how many layers do we put over the voice of our soul over the core truth of who we are?

What do we construct and create around us, within us from a personality perspective that is not actually you? What are the ways that you bend and shape your truth? What are the ways that you move through the world that are not authentic to you? Because you fear what people may think about you, how they may judge you, um, if you may cause pain, which has been one of mine.

What if I say something that causes someone pain? You know, and I'm thinking like all of these constructs are a lie. People see me as this like happy go lucky person, and I am that, but also I'm this, I'm much deeper. I have an edge to me that people don't really ever see. Because I'm like, it's gonna cause someone to be triggered and then I'm gonna have to walk through the journey of like them misunderstanding me or me saying something that calls them forward in a way that they may not be ready to, and all this stuff, you know?

So we create these constructs around the truth of who we are. And in this moment, I'm feeling who I really am. The energy that is expanding in my body is so insanely powerful. I'm like gripping the grass. I'm sitting there, I'm looking at the breeze, and there is this voice in my head that's like focus.

And the focus was surrender to the energy of what you are feeling. And as I'm sitting here with my friends, the storm gets louder. There is this consistent rolling thunder for like an hour. And mind you, time isn't even real right now like it is. It's not a thought. It's not even a thing I care about. The thunder is rolling in, we're having like sprinkles, and then I swear to God.

I am hearing women singing. I'm hearing Native American women singing. I'm hearing native flutes playing, and I'm like, can you hear this? And Nicole literally could hear it. We are in the country. We are in the middle of nowhere. There is no one around us except for cows, okay? In a farm. And I'm hearing people singing.

I could feel it. I could feel the energy, I could hear the, I could hear the flute, man. And I'm like, I thank God I'm not the only one. Like, thank God I'm not the only one hearing this, because I'm like, I am. Is this a hallucination? But Nicole wasn't on mushrooms, she was hearing this. We're watching the thunder.

The breeze is picking up the birds. All of them are singing in this moment. All of them are singing in the most beautiful songs. And then I hear a bird I've never heard in my life, and it's chattering. And the chattering hits me like a vibrational pulse that makes my teeth literally chatter in my skull.

I'm in it, man. Like I'm so in it. And then I hear this massive crunch and there is a deer in the woods walking around and I'm like, oh my God. And then I like, look down, right? And I see this, this big bug on my pinky and it's just sitting there and it's just looking at me. And you know. Normally conscious me, I'm like, hell no, bugs, just don't, don't touch me.

But this one, I'm sitting there because I'm just curious, why are you with me? And immediately I hear elder and I'm like, no one's gonna understand. I'm talking to an elder bug like this. This makes no sense. This is not logical. But I surrender, I focus, I watch this bug. He's cleaning his little hands like a fly does.

And then he cleans his little legs. And then I had this like little strawberry pop can thing with me. And I, he like jumps off me. I have no idea what the bug is, but I'm like, I have met an elder. I know it to my core. Okay. And I'm sitting there trying to take a picture of it, and every time I try to take a picture of it, it bounces away like three times.

I try to do it and immediately I hear you have nothing to prove. And I thought, oh. I'm trying to validate my experience by proving it's real, by proving I'm talking to something, right? Even if I'm just talking to myself, it doesn't matter. But the fact that this bug keeps doing it, and then I'm like, fine.

So I ask it out loud and Nicole sees this. I say, if I take a picture of you and it's just for me, and I show no one will you stay it. Let me take a picture. And then after I got my picture, I put my phone down and then I picked up my phone back again to try and take a picture and it just flew away. And I thought, oh my God, how interesting is that?

Literally, how interesting is that? Okay, so I'm sitting there and I'm feeling this like at this point. Like feeling nature, feeling so grounded, hearing the Native American flutes, hearing the singing, like wild rabbits are coming up to Nicole and I running around super close to us, which is like mind blowing.

And you know, if you've ever done this, when you are tapped into the frequency of nature and you are nature as one, and you are one with the elements, wild animals get closer to you because you feel safer. They, it's a, uh, energy that they understand, right? Which I'm like, my God, this is blowing my mind. But at that time, it was interesting because Nicole also wanted to show me something else, which I loved.

And it was, she was talking to me about the painting of, uh, by Michelangelo, which, if you've seen it, I think it's in the Sistine Chapel. I'm not, I'm not a hundred percent sure, but it's the one where you see these angels who are holding God, and it's in this like, shape of a brain, kind of like what he's being held up by.

And then he's reaching out to try and touch, um, who I think is, oh yeah, Adam's finger. And Adam is sitting there like a nude mood on earth and like barely, his whole hand is limp, basically. He's barely stretching out. God is like, God's source of the universe is trying to connect with him. And she's like, this was the painting I was telling you about.

And she gave me this part of this book that I thought would be amazing to read out loud because wow. Like, ooh. So it said. God is reaching out to Adam with every muscle, every fiber of its being. God reaches and reaches and reaches, and Adam is there, totally inactivated, not even trying. His hand is limp.

All he would have to do is extend his finger. All he would have to do is lift a finger. This is literally Adam not lifting a finger. And this represents you in the Saha Sara. Saha Sara, God, it's A-S-A-H-A-S-R-A-R-A chakra right now. You could access all of God. You could touch God in any moment and get all of that power, all of that force, and it wouldn't even be hard.

It's something you're born with, something you're capable of. You would only have to lift a finger. So how do we lift a finger? We become. Aware that there is a miracle taking place in every moment, in every situation. Your magic is to see the miracle. Your purpose is to see the miracle. Your destiny is to see the miracle.

Right now we are in a miracle. You and me, somehow I have found my way into your life. And she shares this story about all of the things, all of the hardship, leaving a a cult attempting suicide and surviving from it. And she says right here in this moment, healing is here available to you. And all you have to do is say yes to it.

All you have to do is say yes to it. Even if you don't have the money, you decide, yes, I'm doing this either just for yourself and your healing, which is definitely enough. Or as a teacher for all of humanity. And when I was on this. Mushroom trip. The thing that stood out to me most was this specific, this specific sentence, because I, it was like vibrating off of the page into my eyeballs.

It reads, the call to teach is universal, but few respond when you decide the whole universe rearranges, the money arrives and the miracle is made. And I knew that was for me. I knew because of the things that I wanna teach people, all the ways that I've played small, all the ways I've tried to talk myself out of it.

And here I am right now saying I feel the call to teach everything is going to rearrange for me, especially in the energy that I am now. So I. I'm, I'm here and I'm feeling like my muscle spasm. I'm feeling this like raw, pure energy emanating through my entire body. I'm hearing the Native American flutes on the wind.

I'm feeling the breeze on my skin. I'm clutching the grass, I'm watching the clouds take different shapes. And in a split second, I see this webbing through the sky, like this, like crystalline web of light. And I'm like, oh my God, what I'm tapping into. And the clouds are like churning above me. They're getting darker.

The thunder is rolling, right? And I'm sitting there and I'm like, I have bugs all over me. Not one is biting me. No effing bugs bite me this entire journey because I'm here. I'm in it. I am one with nature. I am not impacted. I am not affected. I am literally a goddess. And I'm sitting here and the thought comes through and I hear in my head, I create worlds.

I create worlds. I am love. I am love. You are love. We are creators of worlds. Do you hear me? Like, oh my God. Oh, so I have this thought that I need to go for a walk because I, I need to move my body in a way. I can't be sitting here clutching the grass, staring at, you know, the, the tree sway. So I'm walking and I come across a tree, and I've walked down this path.

I never stopped. I never saw her. I never saw her. I hear to look to my left, and I see this opening down this pathway. And I see this tree that is, she's like, she's the mother tree. I just know it. I know she's the, like, she is the mother and her branches look like lightning. She like, she has this clearing, she has all of this lush greenery around her lightning branches.

And I'm like, I have to talk to you. And she told, she gave me this image of all of the hundreds of masks that I wear falling away. They were all just falling off of my face in layers. And she asks me, how would a goddess walk if she knew she was a goddess? Because as I was walking to the tree, I had a mission, right?

I had these like, um, very forceful steps and very rigid. And in that moment, I remember she slows down a goddess. Has fluid motions. She takes in what she's created. She stops and she looks at the flowers, she looks at the bee, she looks at the beings around her. She feels, she feels the sensuality of nature coming to life all around her.

She feels, she feels the wind, she feels the way the skin hits her skin, the sun, the skin hits her skin, the sun. Like she's so present to her environment because she created this masterpiece, this beauty. She is in living art right now. And so I start walking and I feel like my hands start doing these things by themselves and I start swaying and I can feel like, oh my God, I'm literally hurt.

I am my soul. Like I just knew it in that split second. And there was this rawness to me like I was walking through the woods. I didn't give a fuck, man. I nothing. Nothing made me afraid because I created this, everything I, I was witnessing and drinking in the most beautiful scenery as that. And as I'm standing there, rapids are starting to come up to me and I'm like, oh, I'm locked in.

You know, I'm so locked in. And then this tiny, this little elemental being. Which looked like this, uh, some type of bug, but it was this white round orb, purplish bug I've never seen in my life. Flies out from this sanctuary, from the tree, comes out to my face, flies back in, towards, towards the tree and vanishes.

And I know that was real. I, I know for a fact that was real and I didn't get any messages other than be present. And I'm sitting here with this tree and I'm starting to cry because I'm like, I don't want to forget this power. I don't want to forget. I want to remember who I am. I want to remember. I want to remember.

I want to remember. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, oh my God, as the rabbits get closer to me, this is what they mean by following the rabbit. This is what they mean from Alice in Wonderland. Follow the follow the white rabbit. Where will it take you? And here I am, and they're right by me. And I'm like, this is what it is.

It's following the rabbit to me. And I feel this raw power like, oh my God. And I ask the tree as I'm crying because I've never felt so real. I've never felt so free, so beautiful, so powerful, so present, so magical, so divine. And I was like, how? How can I remember who I am when I'm outside of this medicine?

And she said One word, listen. So I listened. I listened to the bird songs. I listened to the bug zipping around me. I listened to the energy of what I was feeling and experiencing. I felt this like. Feral energy bubbling up in me like someone who couldn't be tamed. I felt this ferocity, this fire, this unshakeable power.

As I'm feeling the storms around me, all I have to do is listen. That's all you have to do is listen to what's around you. And there is a specific reason why we live in systems that keep you from nature. Because when you sit in silence for long enough, you don't even have to be tripping on anything. You can be completely sober when you are sitting long enough in nature.

Nature speaks to you in a way that you may have never heard or experienced in your life. It's no wonder why storms were around us because of the power we were accessing, the power we were remembering. Remembering what it means to be a manifestation of nature. We are, we are nature. We just forget and we create systems and live in concrete jungles and create schedules where we're constantly moving and going and bending to a false God, money, greed.

What is that? Why? But we believe it. We think it's the thing that's gonna give us safety. And then you sit with nature long enough and you're like, oh, none of that is real. What's real is who you are as a being of nature. As nature. You are a living goddess or God you are literally that. Like I know to the core of my being after what I have unlocked after the things that I've shifted after feeling like the thunder spoke and drumming.

Hearing the flute, hearing people singing that no one was around, walking through the fear or walking through the forest, knowing I fear nothing. Looking into the darkness and knowing that is me. The sun is me. In the same way that the darkest part of the forest is me. I'm here because I'm supposed to create heaven on earth through my being.

I'm here because I see beauty and I see truth. Like it's so interesting because just like as a side note, Christine, who is my first mentor and my friend, she got everyone art based specifically on like. Us, like our personalities and what we represent to her. And she gave me this incredible art of a fox with butterflies on it, you know?

And this, she brought it from, from where she lives. She brought it on the plane and on there, on this art, it says, I see beauty. And that's me. Like I, I will stop to see a flower because I know I can see more than just what's there, because flowers are the flow of beauty. That's what you're picking up on. I stop and I see the trees, I see the beauty in people.

One of the hardest things about my life, the most confronting is that I see the beauty in my abusers. I see them for who they really are. I know who they are at their core, and yet. Having to feel pain and suffering at the hands of them, from their voices, from the way they treat me, from the way they see me, and how I trigger them and the way they react.

And yet I know exactly who they are. That's the bridge, that's the bridge of heaven on earth. When people are, are reacting out of anger or fear or pain, can you see the truth of who they are as a living God, as a soul who just maybe forgot? And like that takes a, that takes people who are willing to give space grace and compassion to those that they may be once judged.

You know? And I know that that may even be triggering for people because they'll be like, what about. What about pedophiles or murderers or people who willingly cause pain or harm or damage? People who are willing to be so dark, people who are willing to take a life. People who are willing to lie, cheat, steal to literally cause pain and damage, or to, you know, snuff out someone's life completely.

And yet the truth of who we are. We're all immortal beings. We're all loved by source. Even the ones you think shouldn't be, even the ones you think are not worthy. And it's people who are willing to have space from that. But to trust and know that like you are a being of love, you are the most powerful force of love embodied.

You are light embodied, you are. A very unique signature on Earth, and if you're hearing me, parts of you know, you're here to create heaven on earth and it's through your being. It's the way that you treat people with love. It's the way you speak with love. It's the way that you hold a door for someone.

It's the beautiful things you tell people. It's the things you notice about them that you see in their character that is stunning. It's the way that you see magic in people and you reflect it back to them. It's the space you hold for people. It's when you drive by and you give the homeless person you know money just because you feel called to, or it's the way you pick up trash on the ground because you know that it makes the earth more beautiful because we live on a living goddess who is giving us life.

It's in the ways that you spread love through your being, and that's why we're here. You are an angel. Even if you're like a star seed or you are, I don't even a mantis being who knows whatever you are. The purpose, the higher purpose is to to be love and to share love. Like you literally anchor codes into the earth through your light, through your energy field.

That's why they say that the fifth dimension is living from a place of compassion, of grace, of forgiveness, of unconditional love for each other, for the planet, for the plants, for the animals. Like it's being supportive of one another and allowing people to make mistakes and not judging them because we know that when we judge others, we're judging ourselves because we're only accessing a specific small part of what we're seeing within them.

That's the way your subconscious mind works. That's why when people trigger you, it's literally your treasure because it's showing you something about yourself that is maybe unresolved, a part of you that doesn't feel worthy of love, a part of you that feels like it needs to be suppressed, repressed, oppressed, like.

A part of you that you believe isn't worthy of love. That's when we look at that and we're like, wow, there's something within me. And not that you have to change that person, but when you heal that within yourself, you anchor codes on the planet, you become a bridge of healing for other people. And like it's through your frequency, you know?

And I'm sitting here and after I, I'm coming out of that trip, I'm like, I am a creator of worlds. I will never be the same again. I am nature and nature is me. I am feral, I am wild, I am free. And as I'm saying this to you, I can feel the fascia in my feet lighting up. I can feel this electrical current. I create worlds.

No system can compete with me. No system will ever understand me because I cannot be controlled. I am a spirit embodied, as are you. You are free. You are more powerful than you will ever understand. And if you are trying to have people understand you and they can't, then you go to nature. You speak to the animals, you speak to the plants, you tell the flowers of your fears.

You bring that through in a way where you create the space to be heard and expressed. Even if it's not by humans, it doesn't matter. Nature hears you. The angels hear you, your guides hear you like, oh my God, I, I feel so different because I accessed a part of myself that I never thought I would, that I never would've given myself the opportunity to.

I saw beauty and the wildness of me that I have been keeping under wraps because I thought I was too much because I thought I was too big. What if I say something that hurt someone? Like, what if I do the wrong thing? I make the wrong step. What if my business fails? What if blah, blah, blah? And it's like nature doesn't give a fuck.

Nature exists. As is. She thrives when we don't have humans trying to pollute her or create, again, concrete, jungles or war. Her nature is wild and free. She's beautiful. She creates si. She cycles like all of these things. If we would just pause long enough to sit with her and to remember, we came here to create heaven on earth.

That's why you're here. If that isn't a miracle, the fact that you even exist and how many times, maybe this is the first time where you've been told Earth is the hardest school in our universe, it is rare for people to be here and you're like, well, there are billions of people you don't understand.

There are souls, there are spirits. There's energy that would never come here because it is so damn hard. Because it is hard to crystallize down into density, near death. Experience stories talk about how how much it sucks trying to come back in. And it feels like this, like rigid, like being compressed into a sausage.

And then you have the weight of gravity and then you have the internal weight of judgment, of fear, you know, of anxiety, of depression, of limiting beliefs. All of these limitations that we place on ourselves. And yet the truth of who you are is you are an immortal being of raw power. You literally create worlds.

That was my trip. I will never be the same again. I'm so grateful for it. And like another thing that partially ties into this is I had this idea because I've heard this is not about the trip by the way, and we're segueing just so we bit, but before that I had this idea. Because I've heard that cows love music, specifically jazz.

And I have always wanted to play music just to see maybe they would come. And I'm like, man, there's no better time than now because there are no cars driving around. There's a farm that I can walk to that I can see. So I set out on my journey by myself. I bring my phone because I'm about to play the smoothest jazz, the smoothest jazz they've ever heard.

So I get up to the, the cows and they're all, you know, spaced out sporadically. I pull my phone out, guess who doesn't have bars? Guess who has no effing service? And I'm bummed, man, because I'm like, oh, this was my shot. And as I'm walking back to the house, I hear, what if you sing? And I don't sing in front of people unless I really know them.

Um. And I wasn't gonna do it because I was like, my voice isn't that good. What if people hear me? I feel so silly. This is so dumb. Right? I'm just like talking myself out of it. But I was like, but what if like no one's around? What if? So I start singing a little bit and they start noticing me and they're all out around in the pasture, right?

And then I start like thinking, oh, well maybe they can't hear me. So I start singing a little bit louder and with more confidence, I start belting it out a little bit, getting over my damn self. Or I'm like, listen, if someone's gonna judge me for singing to cows, like fine, whatever. At least I tried. I honored myself.

So I'm singing, you are My Sunshine. This beautiful black cow lifts its head up and starts walking towards me, and I'm like freaking out because this is the best day of my life. Oh man. Oh my God, this is my time. And then because he came, little baby calves started running over and then all of the cows came to me.

All of the cows came to listen to me sing them songs. And I sat there and I started crying because I was like, I, I wouldn't have this memory if I just judged myself out of doing this. And I was thinking on the way back after being absolutely high on life, like, oh my God, so high on life. Like I made a dream happen.

I was thinking how many times we stop ourselves from doing the things we really want because we're afraid of what people think. How many times do we let our limitations, our doubts, our fears, and our own judgment of ourselves speak loudly, scream even to be so, so damn loud that you can't hear the whisper of your heart that tells you there's a reason why you wanna do this.

There's a reason why. So maybe next time, even if you feel silly, if there's something you feel called to, you feel pulled to do it, because this is one of the best memories of my life. I will never forget having all the cows with their swishy tails run up to me and watch me and listen to me saying, I will never forget that.

And I'm also hoping that in my life review, should I get to have one that I get to see through the cow's eyes, this strange woman belting out you are my sunshine to them and getting to feel what it's like to be noticed. Getting to feel what it's like to be entertained by typically beings who don't go out of their way, especially for cows.

I mean, in the US we view them as meat, and yet I think that they're these incredible sentient beings, like getting to be chosen, getting to be loved, getting to be serenaded. Even though I felt so silly it didn't matter. In that moment, I felt free. So the next time you wanna talk yourself out of something that you feel called to, or you think it's too silly, or you're being too much, or too loud, or too expressive, or whatever the judgment is, pause.

Truly pause and ask yourself, who are you doing this for? Is it for other people or is it for you? Why do you wanna do this? And like, what are you. What are you going to miss out on? If you don't, what could happen if you do? You know? And in a split second, if you just let the little kid version in you, like if you let that little kid out and you get to be playful, and you get to be curious, and you get to create, and you get to sing, even if it's not perfect, even if your voice cracks, even if it's whatever it is, any of the limitations, the doubts that you tell yourself, maybe you just move beyond it.

You expand beyond it, and you allow yourself to bring that through. I swear to you, magic will happen. I just know. I just know because I keep witnessing it. I keep, I keep feeling it. I keep experiencing it. So give yourself permission to be more you and then you'll meet more of who you are. That's the key.

Give yourself permission to be more you, so you can meet more of who you are, and I promise you, you will love who you meet. From the depth of my bones. You will love who you meet. That's the real you, not the constructs, not all of the lies you tell yourself. Not all of the limitations, not all of the beliefs, not any of that stuff.

Who you are is liberated. Who you are is love. Who you are is magic embodied. You literally are a force of nature as nature. So you don't need a mushroom trip, you don't need drugs, you don't need alcohol. You don't need any of those things to remember. You just have to let yourself be more free, be more expressed, be more true, be more you.

I promise you it's worth it. I promise you. I promise you. I promise you. And if you don't believe me, I keep pulling the SEER card and the Oracle card. You know what I'm saying? Like I keep getting the synchronicities that tell me that you, I'm on track. I know a thing or two. It's why I'm here to teach and to share with you.

So thank you for being with me today. I love you and I hope you have a wonderful magical day.