What if your purpose isn’t what you think?

In this episode, I open up about a fear that’s been shaping me for years and the unexpected moment that finally cracked it open. I share what’s been unfolding inside my Angelic Healing sessions, the wild confirmation that stopped me in my flippin' tracks, and the message from a near-death experiencer that shifted my understanding of authenticity, love, and why we’re really here.

If you’ve been feeling stuck between who you’ve been and who you’re becoming, this one might land exactly where you need it. :)

What we're exploring:

• A story of unexpected confirmation during a distance Angelic Healing session that left me feeling bewildered and in awe!
• The moment a long-held fear finally unhooked and what that revealed about my identity.
• Why Angelic Healing began calling louder than any structured “one-lane path” I’d been told I should follow.
• A near-death experiencer’s words that cracked something open and reshaped my understanding of authenticity.
• The subtle pattern binding fear of success, fear of commitment, and fear of being seen ... and how I finally freaking noticed it.
• A confronting truth about what happens when you stop being your authentic self. 😅
• What the “blankness” reveals when you try to access your true desires ... and how to move through it!
• Why exploring your curiosity may be the exact doorway to your purpose.
• The one question that can lead directly to your most authentic expression.
• The beautiful thread between love, fear, and the life review stories shared by people who "crossed over".

Helpful links:

• Podcast episode featuring Darius J. Wright
• Angelic Healing (distance) sessions

Transcript

Ashley Mondor:

 Hello, Hello. I'm starting this at 1 44. Oh my God. If you follow me, you may have known that that number keeps coming through for me. And I actually had a really super wonderful, uh, on Buzz Sprout, which is my podcast channeling platform place. Uh, they have an option where you can send fan mail, which has been so fun for me.

Oh my God. The messages that I received just like, Ooh, ooh, ooh, God. They, they're like, hugs to my heart, you know? Especially 'cause I had been so afraid of bringing this channel to the world, and now I'm like, why wouldn't I have this space? Why wouldn't I receive loving messages from beautiful hearted people?

You know? Uh, talk about an identity shift. Okay. But I know that. Today is the day before Thanksgiving and you know, day around being grateful and you know, present and being with the ones you love or being with yourself because you love yourself. Right? So I wanted to make this short because why not? Some of them, some of my episodes have been kind of long lately, you know, but I have a lot to say.

So. First and foremost, I wanted you to be the first to know that I moved past my fear after having a number of distance Reiki sessions to actually create an offer where you can book in with me. And I wanted to explain a little bit about that. And then I'm going to share something that moved me that I think you will fricking love.

Because this quote is a long quote. It's act, I actually ripped it from a transcript from a podcast episode, but I wanna read you the whole thing and why it. Why it's so impactful and it all ties together so. I have, um, I have a new offering called Angelic Healing, or Angelic Healing Sessions, and they are for one hour.

And what happens is, is you will book in on my calendar and you'll reserve your time slot, but we actually won't meet. So all you have to do is sit at home, be cozy, have a blanket or a sweater nearby and some water. A side note, almost every session I've had. Through angelic reiki, whether it's in person or distance, people have said that the energy is extremely cold.

Or they get super, super cold. And I actually had a wonderful person on TikTok 'cause I had shared this experience where they said that the higher the frequency, the cooler, or the colder the energy, which I thought is like really interesting because I also feel that, um, like as an example, one of my most recent se most recent distance sessions, which was so amazing and beautiful, rocked me.

I was sitting there. And I ask, um, after I open the channel and I ground and protect us, and I call in your higher self and I call in your angelic team, and I call in, you know, whomever I feel called to, right? Intuitively. Well, I asked a, I asked an ascended master to step forward for this woman, and I heard, well, first I saw a golden light and then.

I heard I am the golden angel, and actually someone on TikTok had mentioned that they think maybe it's Gabriel, and I'm not sure I didn't dig deeper because maybe, you know, there isn't a name for this being. Um, but I vividly remember seeing these massive wings, like these massive golden wings. And so I'm sitting there and I'm like, oh, okay.

Right. And so we are working on specifically focusing on her solar plexus, her heart, and her third eye. And I never know what I'm gonna do when I'm in these sessions. I never know what I'm gonna work on. I just like to keep it open because the angels flow energy and they bring messages forward through specifically for exactly where the person is when they need it.

So I like to just take a step back, right? And so I'm sitting there and I have my hands up with my crystal, right? 'cause you can do this through distance because energy isn't material physical. Matter all the time, right? Like you can send it through intention and things like that. So. As I'm sitting there and I feel this angel, I feel its hands actually, or energy hands on the back of my hands.

And they were so fricking cold. I was like, oh my God, ISA Kohl's. What is happening? And as I'm sitting there working on, you know, like raising the frequency, clearing her chakra systems, uh, attuning them to whatever it is that I am hearing Claire ly in my mind. I, I have like my eyes closed, right? And I sit there and I, on my desktop have a, I have a playlist that I play.

I have a playlist that I play, okay? And as I play this music, right, they're tuned to specific frequencies and intentions and all of that stuff. And so it's most of the, the one hour part of the session, the 30 minutes, the first 30 minutes, is actually you receiving the energetic flow. So. It's only ever up to 30 minutes because your system actually does not need more than that, which is totally different than anything I have ever learned or experienced in USI Reiki.

So that's cool. Um, and you're also getting very potent frequency, so we're not trying to, you know, do anything to your system that it can't handle. So as we're flowing this energy, the 20 minute mark hits and my desktop shifts to its screensaver, which, okay, cool. Dang it. I forgot to switch that. Okay.

Amazing. So I see this golden light wash behind my eyelids, and I think nothing of it, I just think it's my mind's eye, but I, I peek open my eyeballs and I see that my screensaver, that always shows. A forest scene or an ocean scene. It has done this since I have had this computer for years. For the first time ever across my screen is a, a wall of gold, green, and yellow all infused into one color.

Is that not fascinating? I couldn't have made that up, I swear to you. I'm like, what? What? So it just felt like grounded confirmation and also just like weird things. Every time I'm doing these distance reiki sessions, things happen. And one of my hesitations for bringing this offering out into the world is because I was afraid, like, I can't tell you what we're gonna specifically work on.

Other than we're going to, you know, tune your chakra systems, or we're gonna let things go, or we're going to whatever. Like, I can't really tell you, I just know that you're gonna receive energy where you need it, when you need it, how you need it. You're gonna receive messages that I like. I just can't tell you that each session is gonna be the same.

And I think that's part of the magic of it, and also what I've been kind of afraid of. I'm a channel and a conduit for this energy, but I can't tell you what specifically is gonna happen. So I just know that every person who. Is actively signing up for this offer, which is crazy 'cause I put it out on my milkshake, which is my tiny little link in my bio that links to my offerings and things like that.

People are booking it. I haven't even talked about it, which is so new for me. I. I know that the people who are booking in are open and they're receptive and they're curious, and I think that's what matters most. Your receptivity and your curiosity allow this, like allow the magic to come through for you.

So part of the process again is like for the first 30 minutes, all you need to do is sit and relax. Maybe listen to some like frequency music. I just need you to not be driving or taking care of children because we don't necessarily know how the energy is going to impact you. As an example, in my session where the Golden Angel stepped forward, which I had no idea was gonna happen, my client.

Shared with me after I sent her all of the messages that came through that she felt these massive wings wrap around her, and she got so cold, she needed a blanket and I thought, yeah, okay, this is amazing. And other things came through for her. But you know that that's her session. So I just. I know that for the first 30 minutes, I need you to just relax.

I need you to just be curious and maybe, you know, if your eyes are closed, you might start seeing colors. You might start seeing symbols or messages or flashes of whatever, or movies, images, whatever you might feel, sensations in your body. You might feel pressure, tingling, warmth, coldness. I, I don't know, because every person who comes back to me has something, you know.

Interesting to share and you also may not feel anything, so there's like this kind of slight fear that it's like, I can't guarantee you're gonna feel anything. Oh, if you heard that, that's my cat. Okay. I can't guarantee. Really anything other than I know that you will receive what you're meant to. So again, you would book in for an hour.

The first 30 minutes, I need you to just not be moving, not taking care of anyone, just being present with yourself. And then the last 30 minutes are me gathering all of the information and the messages and the process that I walk through specifically for your energy system, your soul, your spirit guides, your team of light.

If any ascended masters, step forward, um, if any galactic being stepped forward from time to time. They do. I've had the arcturians come through twice, actually, which is really interesting. Um, then I will share that with you in a written message via email so you have it and multiple times with people. I have heard that they're very grateful that they can come back to those notes, those messages and things because maybe something didn't land in the moment, but it something else clicked in for them to finally receive the message or for them to be in the right place to be able to hear.

Or receive exactly what they're meant to, you know? So that's what that process looks like. I'm playing with it. It's so interesting because I have, um, my ego has told me ever since I started business eight years ago, that if I could just be known for one thing, if I could solve one problem really well, then I will find recognition.

I'll find validation, I'll find success. I will, I'll be in my lane, you know, and that is the old paradigm. Because that's what people have told me for eight years, right? In all of these different webinars and programs and things I've signed up for, they're like, if you are known for one thing, that's your ticket, your key to success.

And I realized that I at an unconscious level have always had an aversion to that because I'm multifaceted. I work in the quantum realm. I work. Multi-dimensionally. I'm working with you here, but also like if there are any, anything, if there are any, if there's anything in your lineage that we're meant to clear that you are the one who is going to, you know, release.

If there's parallel versions of you in reality and there're struggling with or self worth or whatever, we're collapsing those in into one unified energy. So. It's so interesting though because as I am experiencing success in a way, I have never, I have never had people actually clamor and email me and message me and say, I went through your website.

I don't see angelic reiki on there. The messages of like, how do I book in, how much is this session? I need to do this ra. I've never experienced this to this level. And so immediately my unconscious is like, oh my God, you're gonna become known as the, like the angelic reiki woman, and that's gonna be your identity and you're gonna be stuck and you're gonna be trapped and you're not gonna be able to do anything else.

And I realized like that pattern is the same pattern for why partially I haven't. Um, why Nikolai and I haven't been married yet. We've been engaged for 3 20, 3 24, 2 years. Two years and twice in one day, people were like, when are you getting married? When's the date? And I was like, I don't know. You know, like, I'm actually very specific about dates, but I realized that, you know, I've never thought that I would get married.

I never even wanted that. I had a deep, deep, deep fear of commitment because I, I had never seen a happy marriage until I saw Nikolai's family. I mean, that's. That's 33 years of just like, I saw pain, I saw abuse, I saw suffering. I like, like I saw people lose themselves, shrink themselves, like, you know, become a shell of themselves or accept abuse and things like that.

You know, it's just part of their, their waking reality and like, this is just what it is. And so I was like, I'm never gonna do that. While I realized like. Me experiencing the success is so that I can also remember that I'm allowed to evolve. And the reason why I'm having so many people so excited about angelic Reiki right now is because it's what's alive in me now, and it's because it's so authentic to me.

And. I wanna talk about the authentic piece because the quote that I heard from a man named Darius j Wright, I'm gonna link to the podcast episode 'cause there are more gems that he dropped. But I think that this is gonna be helpful. So Darius at 16 had a near death experience and then ever since then he's been able to have control, like he's been able to consciously, intentionally have outof body experiences for his whole life.

It's partially what he's known for. And he talked about, um, this is gonna be a long read of his transcript, which is why I'm also giving credit by linking to, to the actual podcast episode. But I just think you're gonna get something out of it because I did. And maybe something will land in you or something will unlock something in you, or maybe something will soften.

And that's what I'm looking for because I felt that in his words and his words are truly embodied. Wisdom. They're embodied truths. So, okay, mind you, all this weaves together. So he shares the greatest fear that you have. Now go towards the end of it. What happens? People are going to think of something else fearful.

Okay, we'll go past that. Go to the worst thing that could possibly happen. What happens then? And then go further and further and go to the worst possible outcome of your fear. And you'll realize that even when you go deep down into the darkest pits of fear, one thing will remain, one spark of light will remain, and that is love.

It will pierce right through and bring you right back home. Every single person goes through that at some point. It's impossible not to because most people are what they're afraid of death. So the ultimate purpose he shares of every soul is it doesn't matter what path or mission they're on. It's love.

That's the purpose. Unfiltered, uncontrolled, unconditional. Love you as a soul, bringing that fully into the physical body and expressing that every action that you do done in love, that's the purpose. Because people right now aren't even doing things in love. They think they are, but they're doing things based on a conditional approval of what people think.

Love is. So they think to live my life in fulfillment, I need to act, be, and do in a certain way, because this is what love would do. But at any point, if you stop being your pure, authentic self, then you actually stop being love. When you stop being your pure, authentic self, you no longer love yourself. You are doing the opposite of love.

What you're doing is condemning yourself. Judging yourself. So the purpose for every soul is to be themselves in an unconditional fashion, unconditionally loving themselves for who they are, expressing that fully walking into every part of their life, to the best of their ability, and expressing that if you are not being your authentic self, you are not loving yourself, and you can never share that love with anybody else.

You're pretending to be something that is not. Love every single soul. Their expression of themselves is what I was shown. Their expression is so unique, all slightly different that each one holds a slightly different frame. Frame. My brain actually went too, too far ahead. I'm gonna say that again for, you know.

Eloquence, their expression is so unique, all slightly different that each one holds a slightly different flame. Without that soul, the very creation of all things in the universe would not be in balance or the same. And so people are trying to mimic being other things instead of themselves. People need to be themselves fully and completely, and that's the purpose.

That's the whole point. The quickest, most direct path to find your true, authentic self is this. Imagine going back into the all knowing truth of searching for that when you find it. All that reflects back to you is that nothing matters. Nothing you do matters. Nothing you say matters. No actions, good or evil matter, nothing.

Just nothing matters. Then what would you do in that state when you realize nothing matters? What would be your first thought of what you would want to do? And at that point, you would've found your authentic self. That's how you find it. And if you're unhappy with that state of your actions of what you'd want to do, and it's, and if it's not born of love, then that's going into fear, pain, or suffering.

But that's how you find it. It's the easiest thing to do anytime someone is trying to search for their authentic self. Go back to that. What if nothing mattered? What would I do? What would I say? How would I act and do that in love, and you will be operating at the highest state of consciousness and frequency as the very spark of creation.

What I'm sharing is from the rawness of the truth of what is. And what it gives you is wholeness. You feel whole. There's no empty void. You feel at peace. It's not like a bliss, it's just wholeness. You feel fulfilled. He shares, do I have times where I feel regret or confusion? Yeah. And I go right back to what I know to be true and then it dissolves.

And this also I have to share with you because I just thought it was so brilliant. The other thing I do is I realize without a doubt that the greatest pain I will experience on the other side is the love I withhold here for myself and others, and that's not coming from a fearful place. I'm not saying that fearfully, what I'm saying is the greatest pain I experienced was on the other side when I had a life review where I withheld love.

People who have near death experiences or life reviews, the overriding theme is always where they showed love and where they did not, and that felt truly ugh. That felt so amazing is that it's so simple. It's so simple, and our brain wants to make everything extremely complicated and we gotta figure it out.

Like, I know, 'cause I'm speaking from this lived experience of like, if I could just find the one thing that I'll know, then I can be myself. Oh my God. I just saw a flash of light. Okay. That was great. Then I'll know, like if I could just be this thing, if I could be, you know, known for this thing, if I could serve the world, if I could, if I could.

And it's like, it's not what you do, right? Unless it's authentic to you. So if nothing truly mattered, what would you do? Like truly, what would you do? And. I also had this voice pop up that was like, if someone goes and they're thinking like, if nothing truly mattered, if nothing was truly good or evil, if in the most highest state of unconditional love, nothing actually mattered.

You sat with that and it's like, what would I do? What would I create? What would I think? How would I move from this place? What would feel true to me? And you actually felt blank because I think that that would, I think that has actually happened to me. Um, I wanted to share because I thought that this would be helpful.

So if you feel blank, it's probably overwhelm. Like there may be too many rules you have inside of you, too much pressure, or maybe your identities don't align. Or there's like this, you know, expectation you're imagining that makes you feel constricted or small or doubtful or whatever. Maybe your beliefs are telling you, you can't do this.

It's not safe to, people are gonna judge you, da, da, da, da. Right? But what did we just learn about authenticity? When we move from authenticity, that's the most loving thing we can do. So questions you could consider asking yourself or like, what would feel good to my body right now? Is it, you know, a sensation?

Is it warmth? Is it um, going for a walk like movement? Is it dancing? What would feel good or exciting? Um, you know, or. Whatever makes you feel curious right now, because that is a step in the right direction to calibrating to your authentic self. Another thing you could ask yourself is like, what could I do in the next five minutes that would feel tiny but nourishing?

I love that frame. Um, what would feel gentle to explore without committing? I think that's a key. A lot of people who come into my space are very deeply curious and they have these gifts they wanna share and they wanna do these things, but they don't let themselves explore it because they're afraid of what people will think of them.

But ex exploring is the place where you see if this fits like a lock and key for you, right? So you have to let yourself explore. And it's not like you have to commit fully. I mean, if you look at my journey, I always thought I had to be known for one thing, but I let myself explore the Akashic records and channeling and meditation and working with the unconscious mind and hypnosis and reiki and now angelic reiki.

And now I'm like working on. Learning animal communication with Johanna, just because I'm genuinely curious. You can allow yourself to explore and not need to commit to anything. Or even if you commit for a little bit just to see how it feels, that's probably part of your process, right? Just like mine. Um, other question.

What textures, colors, sounds, or environments feel good to be around? These questions are, are super wonderful because you are reconnecting to yourself basically through sensation and not through identity, right? Because sensation is physically felt, you know, in your body. What, that's what that feels like.

It feels true to your body. Identity is in the mind or the mental field. So if you, you're allowing yourself to know that all of these questions are actually giving you. Access to basically a signal, a signal of information, a signal of energies that you can tune into that feels good to you. Nourishing, fulfilling, whole, true, grounded, those things, I think that's gonna help you.

And then I also had the thought, you know what? If blankness is actually, what if it's like you are. What if you're like avoiding this, the truth of who you are, what if? What if you're afraid? You know? And I think that the blankness of when you try to ask yourself like, what would I actually do if nothing truly mattered and I could be more of myself, what would feel good aligned, true.

It may be actually a defense mechanism, right? Like your psyche is saying, this desire actually feels so dangerous that you kind of like shut down or you freeze, or you, you move in that state of blankness. And so I wonder if, you know, maybe it's like I'm gonna give myself permission to just be, and I'm gonna trust that because I'm starting to.

Consciously, intentionally align with myself, my truth of who I am, my unique puzzle piece in this grand tapestry of divinity that I will be shown, I will hear, I will fear. Fear. No, I will feel exactly what I'm meant to without pressure. And you can, you can just see like what. What comes from that place? If you let yourself trust that, oh, I'm gonna see this feels good to me, this feels exciting.

This feels like a little bit of a burning flame of passion inside of me. This feels like, you know, I'm just curious. I'm gonna let myself go down this rabbit hole. I'm gonna let myself tug on the thread of this just to see where it leads me without insistence, as Bashar says. Insistence, meaning you need to end up at a specific outcome or assumption, meaning you assume that this thing is gonna lead to this thing that's gonna get you to this thing, which is what you think that you want.

I have learned on my journey. The best thing you can do is just follow your curiosity or your desire or your passion or whatever for the fun of it, without having it need to be a single thing, without it needing to perform for you, without it needing to be any concrete thing, without it needing to serve you, end up being any type of thing.

The more you can just play with life for fun, the more you're going to receive, you're going to feel, you're going to deepen, you're going to understand, into clarity. Like I swear to you. You just have to let yourself follow the breadcrumbs that you are given. So you might ask yourself a question like, well, if this desire were safe, what would it want to tell me or whisper to me or share with me?

Right? If you actually let yourself feel that desire, if there's something in there or if no one would actually judge you. What would truly feel interesting to explore, and I think that's a great one. So many people come to me and they're like, well, I'm curious about channeling, I'm curious about energy healing, but people don't think that this is real.

Or what if I look crazy or whatever. Like today I had a heart healing session where this woman, she's so, so. So curious about channeling. She even went to, um, buy a ticket to go to channel panel, which is like, you know, like where people like Bashar go. And I was like, what is it that you see in them that you just loved or you found just magical, right?

And she's like, these people can get up on a stage and they do maybe a few breaths or whatever their process is quickly, and then they just drop in and start sharing messages. And she was like, and what was interesting is like every person was basically saying the same thing, that we're all one, we're a unified field.

Everything is love. We're not separate from divinity, from the divine, from wholeness, from oneness. And I was like, well, what makes you different from that? Right? And she was like, well, in my mind, I know nothing. And I'm like, right. Exactly, but there's a fear underlying because can you imagine how much courage it takes for someone who is like, I'm literally channeling ETS right now.

I'm gonna get up on stage having all these eyeballs, looking at me with their own judgments, their own stories, all of this stuff, and I'm gonna share messages and like, yeah, they're moving through me. I'm the one delivering these. But everyone is looking at me like how much courage it takes for someone to be like, I'm doing this.

It doesn't matter what you think. It doesn't matter what you feel about me. What matters is I am a conduit of truth right now, and I'm going to deliver that in the way that I know best. So we let our judgements get in the way. We let our fear get in the way of actually expanding into a deeper embodiment of our truth.

And so if you knew that no one would judge you, what would you do? And then when you let yourself sit with that, how does that feel in your body? Where do you feel that energy? Do you feel it in your heart? Do you feel it in your stomach? Do you feel it in your brain? Like do you feel it in your energy field?

Do you feel it as inspiration, as curiosity, as joy? What would that be for you? And then you relax and you're like, okay, actually, now that I know, I'm gonna see how can I start tugging on the thread of this inspiration? Where is it leading me? I don't know. I just trust and know that it's bringing something into my field that I am meant to experience or explore.

And I'm going to trust that because it felt true and aligned for me. And I think that's the key. That's the key. And I think that's why I'm experiencing success in such a way right now, is because I'm letting myself be truly authentic. I actually, my mom reflected this back to me yesterday because I get to work with her, which is so fun.

She was like, Ash, the reason why people are coming to you is because they trust in your authenticity. They trust how they feel around you, and it's because you don't just show rainbows and glitter and magic. You also talk about the hardship and the things that you walk through, and even if it's confronting or challenging or extremely vulnerable, you let yourself go there and I'm like, God, you know what?

That's true because even the shadow that I'm sharing is shared from a place of love. And is that not authenticity? I would rather be seen in my transparency for my ability to always consistently choose and embody love because it allows other people to remember who they are in their own expression. So bring your authentic self to the world because we were ready for you, because only you can bring a very specific frequency, a very specific puzzle piece that can click into the place.

Of all of our entire human collective consciousness, which also spans to galactic consciousness and beyond, we need you. And that requires you to feel safe within yourself to say, even if I'm afraid, even if I doubt, even if I think people will judge me, I'm still gonna be true to me no matter what, because I am worthy, I am whole, and my wholeness impacts the whole.

My wholeness impacts the whole, I love you. You're wonderful. You're magical, you're special, you're divine. You are. You're perfect as you are. So let yourself shine in that. Let yourself take steps forward in that knowing. Let yourself embody. That truth and that wisdom, because like Darius said, which I just, oh, which I thought was so key.

People who have had near death experiences or, or life reviews, the overriding thing, oh my words, they just got jumbled. I'm gonna start it again because I'm human. People who have near death experiences or life reviews, the overriding theme is always where they showed love. And where they did not let that carry you today, always and forever.

I love you. I love you. I love you.