The gap isn’t empty

I’ve been trying to figure out what my “thing” is for years ... and in one session, I realized the reason it hasn’t landed yet isn’t because I haven’t found it … it’s because I’ve been looking in the wrong place. 😅

There’s a moment where the question shifts from what should I do next? to why does nothing feel clear?

And what came through flipped how I understand that space. Because what if something is already moving for you, even if it hasn’t taken visible form yet?

What you'll receive inside the episode:

• The moment I realized I wasn’t actually stuck … I was circling. ☠️
•  Why trying to “figure it out” can keep you disconnected from what’s actually meant for you.
•  The energy shift from seeking to receiving.
•  What it really means when nothing feels clear (and why that’s not a problem). 
•  The idea that changed how I view progress and timing.
•  A powerful metaphor about planting flowers … and why your environment matters more than your ideas.
•  What came through when I connected with a future version of myself. 
•  The truth about wealth, peace, and spaciousness that I learned ... from myself!
•  Why intensity isn’t always a sign that something is aligned. (I'm learning!!)
•  The reason your nervous system struggles with “the gap”.
•  A perspective on visibility, fear, and being seen in a bigger way.
•  The moment I stopped trying to force clarity… and what opened instead.

Resources:

• Between Realms // A sanctuary for the seen, the sensed, and the not-yet-spoken
• Neelam Sareen // Angelic Reiki Attunements
• Mary Magdalene Revealed
• Marston Fries (TikTok + Website)

Transcript

Ashley Mondor:

Hello, Hello! Welcome back to another wonderful episode of Insightful With Your Girl. Me thank you for being here with me. Before I share about a session that I was guided through this week, I want to just share a little spirit wink that I received last week. But if you didn't listen to last week's episode, and by last week's, I think it was the week before that because I just needed a little space from creating, uh, that episode was called The Edge of Receiving. And if you don't want any spoiler, boilers, don't listen. Turn, turn me off. Turn me off right now. You saucy. Little minks You. Okay? Thank you. All right, so if you're here, maybe you listen to that episode. Maybe you don't even care about what that was about, but if you hear this part, it's not gonna make any sense to you. Or maybe it will. Who knows? We're just vibing. Okay. We are. We are vibing. So. I had a heart healing session with a beautiful, wonderful woman, and she came to me because she had been dealing with this belief that she was not enough or that she was too much. And so I know that your core beliefs, they're kind of like dandelions. Meaning there's a core center belief and then it uses more surface level beliefs to distract you, to send you on like just illusionary adventures. Like I, in my head, I saw a mirage, but I couldn't pull through the name or the word mirage. So I was like, maybe they'll pick up on it. Uh, shimmering lies. Okay. So I knew that the surface level belief that was coming through was like. I'm not enough. I'm, I'm too much. And so I asked her, I was like, oh, what's underneath that? And she started sharing with me about her, these stories that she tells herself and all these experiences that she's walked through that prove. That she is not enough for too much. Right. And so she was talking about how like stuff was coming up through her marriage and how she has a neurodivergent mind that she learned about, you know, more recently and her experiences with friendships that have dissolved where she just felt like she didn't get closure and she didn't understand what she did wrong in order for these chapters to close without her. You know, like, hi, what, and she also felt like her heart was misjudged and, and all of these things. And so she was telling me all the reasons why she's, you know, too much or not enough. And so. I was like, okay, you have trained your reticular activating system to seek these out, to seek out all of the reasons why you are these things to prove you right? Because your brain is brilliant. It's magical. It loves you so much. It's gonna do what you tell it to do, or program it to do and things like that, even if it's not for your highest and greatest good. So I brought her into hypnosis. And it was so cool because part of the hypnosis process is we relax your body, right? So that you are in a more open trance state and really it's just you're relaxed and you're open. And so, um, then I guided her through a process where I like to use like stairs or elevators or things like that to deepen into connecting with the unconscious mind. And so I guided her down the stairs and then we met this like beautiful door and I. Invited, and I usually do this, invite a wise guide or a spirit guide to step forward with messages to share. So I asked her to open the door, and as she opens the door, I see her pause and I'm like, okay, who is the wise guide? Who's meeting you here? And she goes, me. Me like, so she was so excited and I was like, oh my God, her higher self is here. And so we were, um, going back and forth and, and I asked her higher self to share what was the, the truth, the core belief that was underneath this. This, you know, I'm not enough, I'm too much. And we realized that, um, she held, held a core belief that if she evolves, if she was her full true self, that she would leave people behind. And so that makes a lot of sense, especially when you have shared and poured so much love into people, your attention, your energy, all those things. Or when things don't pan out the way that you want them to, or people misjudge your heart and, and stuff like that, right? So it makes sense because when she has expanded and she has been more of her authentic self, and then she's met with people who can't meet her there, that's painful. And we are social beings, right? Like if you're outcasted from the circle or the um. They call it the tribe, right? Biologically, that meant certain death in your genetics back in the day, right? So you carried that forward from your ancestry, and yet now you're living here today in a state where we have access to the world and to people who can resonate and harmonize with your field, your energy field, and your heart. And so I understand because when the immediate people around you, it's like, oh my god. They can't match my depth. They can't match my love, like I must be too much. I, I don't want to evolve beyond them. Then we create these beautiful beliefs that act like a barrier to guarding and protecting your heart and protecting you from going beyond. You know, these constructs and, and things like that, that you've created. And so I just love that and, and it was so powerful. And so we asked her, her wise, guide, her higher self, if you will, you know, what else is the truth? And what came through her for her, from her, for all of us, is that people will meet you when they're ready. They're on their own journey. I just, I love that. And you could listen to that and be like, Hmm, that's really simple. But it's so true when you embody that knowing. And so I'm so excited because this, this is the truth. And when you lead with authenticity and you lead with your heart and and you trust and know that people will meet you when they're meant to, that means you get to be more of you And I have walked this journey and I continue to walk this every time I shed a layer of perfectionism or conditioning or all of the reasons why I can't do or be, or have or whatever those things as I shed. And I am more true to me. I get to meet people like you. Someone who took time out of their day to listen to some stranger on the Internet's voice, you know? And I do not take that for granted, especially because I was so afraid of having podcasts. I was so afraid of being an author. I was so afraid of being more true online. I was so afraid of having a TikTok. I was so afraid of writing on threads, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All of the fears, right? And yet, the more I expand, the more I love. The more I expand and become true to me, the more people come to me in the most wonderful ways. And it's just like a dance, you know? Like I get to, I get to feel your heart when you share with me. Like the email messages I get, are you kidding me? Or when I get friend mail, which they call it fan mail on Buzzsprout. But when I get that, I just, I squeal. I'm so giddy. It's so, it's so cool. Ugh, I, I'm just like, whoa, I'm all over the place. Woo. Breathe baby girl. Breathe. So to have that knowledge and know, like truly fear is the blueprint to your becoming. I believe that. And I mean that also not from like fear of like certain danger, right? But when we step into new things, our little buddy fear is gonna be like, ho, ho, ho. This was I Santa. What, when you step into a new arena, a new level, right? It's unknown into your brain. Unknown means certain death. Even in your, even if it's like, it's just a new platform to play on, or it's just like, you know. Doing something I've always wanted to, but I've been a little bit too afraid of. And I'm not gonna die. It just means maybe someone will see me or more people will see me. Or I actually become the type of person who has a podcast or a book or a business, or a beautiful relationship, or a happy family, or um, an unwavering sense of confidence. All of these things, you know, so at the end of our session. For the first time really, she was talking with me and it was so cool 'cause I was, I was watching her shift and, and watching, you know, like just her physiology and the way she was holding herself and the confidence and the power that was coming through her when she was reflecting on this wisdom that her higher sl self words. I brought her, but as she was talking to me, she was wearing these gold rings and I was like, oh my God, can I see your rings please? And she showed me, she was like, oh yeah, and you know, each of these are really important to me and I buy them for intentional reasons and all the, you know, just like something that I would do and then I saw on her finger is the ring that I desire. I. I was like, excuse me, what? The ring that I have wanted for years is on her finger. My client sitting across from me. What? And so I love that, and I'm sitting back thinking like, I bought that vibrationally. That's why I'm seeing it in my field. That's why it's there. It's already, there's a version of me that has that, and it's not about it being this, this luxury ring. It's about what gold represents to me from the light perspective, from gold really showing us, I think, what the speed of light looks like and how there's this energy around gold that's so pure, so beautiful. I mean, and, and the energy that you have when you wear something that's that precious, at least to me. And so I just thought that was so cool. So now I'm gonna shift gears because I have been following this woman on TikTok. Her name is Marsten Fry, I think F-R-I-E-S. I'll link her TikTok in the show notes. Uh, or freeze. Maybe it's Marsten Freeze, but I just call her Marsten. And so I've been following her for. Over a year for sure. And it's been interesting to watch her journey because she had been, she, you know, she went from being on Wall Street, that that was part of her, that was her career at the time, to having this massive spiritual awakening that had happened actually because her partner at the time, her boyfriend actually died while she was trying to save his life. And that was a massive spiritual awakening for her. And so she had started sharing about what she's learned from Wall Street and the energy of wealth and all of that. And then shifting into like her lived reality now and how she helps people and accessing channeling and, and then last year it was really interesting because she went to, I think Peru, but I may get that wrong, to this Ayahuasca retreat. And basically it was like an ego dissolution. And she had a massive awakening, like so much so that she was. Taken from her body up onto, uh, an in an Anki ship, which if you know anything about interdimensional beings or galactic beings or aliens, the Anki, it said that they were part of the genetic manipulation of humanity. And this is conspiracy theory and it's proven right, and then it's truth. Okay. I don't know. We don't know, but we may find out this year. The truth because it is the year of disclosure, and there are many theories around this, but she had shared basically that she was taken onto this Anunnaki ship and she saw her true form and that basically this form of her as Marston is pretty much an avatar, but like a, a version of her soul that wanted to experience and crystallize down into third dimension. Density, which is what we are here doing, listening to each other and, you know, being in these physical vessels. And part of the process of her being up on that ship is she was handed this, uh, tablet, basically like a crystal tablet, I think, and she got all of human history. She got the full. Span of human history and also why she was there, why she's incarnated here now, her purpose for being here as Marston, and also remembering her lineage and remembering the truth so that she can see that into reality and things like that for people who resonate, of course. And so she came back from that experience and it was so she, she didn't know how to integrate it. And it was really interesting watching her because. I, I chatted about this with her, so it was like nothing new, but. It was interesting watching her go through this experience because when she came back and she didn't know how to ground and integrate, she had shared with her followers in the world basically that she is Mary Magdalene and, and she came back to share this wisdom and to awaken the divine feminine, and that she was only going to post X amount more videos, and then she was going to log off TikTok forever, and so she was sharing all of her drafts with all of her information and previous videos and all this stuff. And I was watching because I'm like, man, you know, we, we have heard many times from people who believe that they are UA or Mary Magdalene or ISIS or Toth or you know, um, who, whatever God, goddess deity you wanna name or someone famous, right? And so I'm sitting back like, man, this is really interesting to watch. And so she posted these videos and then left the platform for a while and. Then after a while, like a good chunk of time, she came back and she was talking about how she. She kind of wished that she didn't share all of that in a way that was so open and vulnerable, like at the jump of being like, I'm, I'm Mary Magdalene and this is blah, blah, blah. You know? And so, and watching her be like, I wasn't grounding the integration process because it was new to her. 'cause it was the first time she didn't know. Right. Like, when you expand that far into consciousness, like, okay, well holy buckets, so. Now she shares this grounded information and the truth that that feels true to her and what she experienced on that on Anki ship and things like that. And you can feel the shift in her energy, which is really cool. And a note on the Mary Magdalene thing. So I think that what happens is people actually tune into archetypal energy themes, and they are downloading that information because it's part of their ascension process. Or, um, part of why they're here is to access that level of information, either through their embodied knowing so that they can share, or that they become an anchor of that truth on the planet in the collective grid for humanity. And Gaia. And I could be making all this up. I have no idea if this is true. It's just a thought that I had. So also on that note with Mary Magdalene. It's really interesting because for the past few months, Mary Magdalene has been, and this sounds crazy, but she's been coming to me in my dreams and, and I know that there's this, the awakening of the divine feminine so that we can be balanced on the planet for masculine feminine energies because we are both. Like you are, that you are both right. And so it's, she's been coming to me in dreams and actually there was a really, really, really profound vivid dream that I had where I met Ywa and I met Mary Magdalene and that. Dream with the messages she gave me and the metaphors that lives in between realms and between realms is where I share my dreams, my channeling transmissions, and the lived experiences I've had that have blown my mind. And I always share what I'm seeing or sensing or feeling, or the dream or the channel message or whatever that is. And then I share reflective questions because these things unlock certain things in you. Maybe a new perception, a new way of seeing the world or helping you shift a belief or seeing yourself differently or really more clearly. And so between realms is my space to create and play, but also it's your space to learn and grow and to shift your perspective. And so that dream lives in there. But more recently, what's been interesting is that Mary Magdalen has been coming to me. More dreams. And I am like, why? Because I grew up part Catholic, part spiritual, right? And so I feel like I had to learn about Catholicism and how people were being programmed and indoctrinated into such a heavy, dense, fear-based system. And if you have been in in that religious realm, you know that they don't talk about Mary Magdalene outside of her being a prostitute. Which is not true, but I will say that. And what I love is Mary Magdalene being basically like the patron saint of prostitutes, of, of women who are doing sex work, which I believe is holy work. And, and it's deeply profoundly needed and it needs to be protected and in safe containers. And I say that because prostitution is like the oldest. Job in the world. And there are people who I know personally who would greatly benefit from having access to care in that way. Like people who have disabilities, right? Physical, whatever that is. And. I also believe that these women need to be protected and they need to be able to have access to healthcare and, you know, to keep themselves safe. Safe and their their clients. And I also know that back in the day, women who were priestesses, they could have followed the, the tantric path. They could have followed the sacred sex magic path. I know that women were part of the men's spiritual awakening, right? Like through. Through those practices of that level of energy connection. And so it's just interesting. I went on a little tangent. Ran you there. Okay. But it was, it was needed. So Mary Magdalene has been coming through for me and last week it was interesting, well before last week, but people randomly were like, have you read Mary Magdalene Revealed? And I was like, no. But I didn't feel called to it because I, you know, I'm like, I don't, I don't know about Mary, but I'm also not religious and I'm not trying to read about. Uh, gospels, you know, or Psalms or I'm not trying to crack open the Bible. Um, and so I've had a few people tell me that. And then I also remember there was one day where one of my friends was like, oh, you gotta get this book about. I can't remember. It's a really big book though. It was about Mary Magdalene and I have an IUD, I've had an IUD for a really long time. I'm on the hormonal IUD and I remember the day I got that book, I had, um, my period for one day. And that was it. And I, because I never get it. 'cause I don't have a cycle in that way and like I don't shed, you know, and so I was like, oh what is this? So Flash forward too, I was talking with my friend, her name is Christine. Um, I've had a podcast episode with her on the Free Your Heart podcast. She is a phenomenal medium and energy worker and I just love her to bits and pieces and all those things. And so I actually have a picture behind me 'cause we were on Zoom. And in this picture there is this like giant white polar bear and then there is a blue like energy outline in the middle of the bear and then smaller inside kind of, of the bear basically is this little girl who has a bear costume on. And it's because, well, I have that because it was a gift and I received that gift from my ex partner who had given it to me after he had learned. That a shaman who I saw told me that one of my spirit guides is a polar bear, um, or a bear because of when I was assaulted on my favorite hiking trail and, and that I could invoke the spirit of the bear whenever I'm hiking again if I don't feel safe and things like that. And to project this level of confidence of certainty out into the world like a bear would, you know? And so he got that from me, which I love. And so my friend was like. Is that Mary Magdalene? And I was like, no, it's a bear. And she was like, but the blue around it looks like the blue of Mary Magdalene's aura and things like that. And I was like, oh, that, well, you know, synchronicity Hao Mary's back again. Thank you. And then she was telling me about, she was reading the book Mary Magdalene Revealed, and that she thought I would love it. And she was like, it's just really interesting. It's, it's what I've, I've needed, you know, I, I didn't know what I, I didn't know. And so I was like, okay, fine, fine. I'll download the book. So I've been listening to it and cons, like, inhaling it. I'm inhaling it because it's like the missing piece I didn't know I needed. When you're in the church. And they tell you all about men and how you're supposed to be subservient and how there is a male messiah who is the most treasured being in all the world, and how you'll never, ever, ever get to be as loved as UA is. And then you find out the women are just subordinate and you know, they're just basically nothing outside of whatever Mary did for pleasure work, right? It's just like, well, I don't see myself in this. Message in this lifestyle. So I must not be meaningful, I must not be valuable. And I took that in as a child unconsciously. And so when I've been reading Mary Magdalene revealed, it's just like, God, there she is. There she is. And I realized the reason why Sophia has been coming into my field, like slamming into my field dang near daily and um, Mary Magdalene is because that is the vibration and the frequency that I'm calibrating to. Sophia is the frequency of wisdom, and Mary Magdalene is the frequency of heart, truth, and how ascension is not climbing a ladder to anywhere going up. It's going within your heart. And I know you know that, especially when we talk about Christ consciousness and El um, expanding the consciousness of the world, it's through your heart because your heart has its own vision. It has its 40,000 of its own neurons, but it has its own vision. And Mary Magdalene teaches on that. And you know, in this book you get to hear some of the gospels that we have access to before they either hid them or destroyed them or whatever. And it's just like, again, there she is. There I am. There you are in her and I, I just love that we get to have access to this now. So I brought you on a tangent all the way to, I had this session with Marston and I went into it because if I'm being totally candid with you, and actually this is a great spot to share. I, I'm not gonna teach angelic reiki. I thought I wanted to. But it, I, it's not time and it's, it's not making me feel alive. And so I'm gonna put it in the show notes, but my mentor, Lum Lum Serene, is teaching angelic Reiki one and two in June. And there was a part of me that wanted to teach it, like a really large part of me that wanted to teach is because so many people told me they wanted to learn from me and. That made me feel amazing. And I was like, God, you know, I would love, I would love nothing else than to attune you to these frequencies that have fundamentally changed my life and my business and like the type of people that I connect with now, you know, through these angelic frequencies from the angelic kingdom of light. And, and the more that I sat with it, it was like. I don't wanna do something because other people want me to do it. And I was like, but man, can you imagine like I have these cohorts of people and I'm part of their pathway, part of part of their magic. We're woven together. We're linked through time. Because they have these frequencies that I have been allowed to pass on to other people. And I also felt really excited about the thought of like doing weekend cohorts and being like, oh my God. Like look at that cash injection, right? If I can hold more people, that also means like it's not just one-off sessions, which I love, like one-on-one work is my. My most favorite thing on the planet. But I also know that when you are in groups, because I have led group programs and I've held memberships and things like that, that when other people are connecting with each other through the field of coherence and bringing in their own wisdom and their own magic and their own questions, things change. They shift, right? Because we are, again, a social species, and it's through our coherent connections, coherent connections, that. That's where the magic is too, you know? And so I just felt like I was spinning out about it and I'm like, oh my God, I told people I was gonna do this and now I just don't feel called to it. And why don't I feel called to it? And just making myself wrong and all this stuff. And then being afraid to tell people and, and then I was like, you know what though? The people who listen to me who tune into me. They're gonna be excited to learn and receive from whomever they feel in alignment with. And I feel like EMM is a wonderful teacher. She's been doing this for years. I think in it in June, it's $444. I think. I may be wrong, but I think it's that and it's, it's a lovely experience and you can have a whole business around this and I. I feel really good about that decision, so I'll share that in the show notes. And this is all gonna come together so for a little bit more vulnerable shares because first water sippy sip. Okay. I have been trying to figure out what is the thing, what is my work in the world like? I've been in business for nine years. I focus on the heart. I have all of these different tools and modalities, like what is, what is my thing that I can stand on from my soul? The thing that I'm like, God, this is my legacy. This is my imprint. And I just like, what is that? And so I've been spinning my wheels just for so long about this because. I have, again, I've led group programs. I've had one-on-one offers. I've had a membership like I've done, I've had a mastermind I've had, and I, well, I still have this, um, longer term private mentorship containers. Mine is called Prism, by the way. It's a four month container. Uh, but I don't really talk about it a lot because I know that people who feel genuinely called to it will find it or they'll message me about it. But outside of that, I'm just like, what is mine? What do I wanna do? Like, and so I keep searching and searching and searching and trying to figure out like, what's the thing? And I thought, honestly, I thought it was gonna be Angel Reiki and teaching and attuning people in that way. It's not, and I got frustrated. And so I was curious because I came across Marston. And to me, Marston shares truth. Like I just feel it in my bones. I feel it. I, it resonates so deeply. And I'm like, okay, well you can book in a session with her. And so I booked in and she was like, you know, what do you wanna work on? And I was like, I, it sounds so silly to say out loud, but I'm gonna own it. I feel like I am calibrating to a level of luxury. I feel that like, and it's, it's not the material luxury, it's about the luxury of receiving and the luxury of quality things where that I, I have stories about receiving them and the. Way that I feel in my body for how whole and how complete and how worthy I am. The way that I decide that I belong anywhere I choose to, the way that I, I just like, I don't know how to articulate it other than my body feels like it's for me. It's for me, and I know that if it's for me, it's for other people and that I will be able to teach on this in the future once I actually articulate, you know, what it is that got me all, from, all the way from my family, like really super struggling with money and going to the food shelf and going to Toys for Tots and, and all of that stuff, all the way to now where it's like I can go to five star luxury resorts like I, I am. No one can make me feel any type of way anymore because I, I'm worthy. I'm worthy, and so are you. And so I shared that with her and I was like, and also I'm trying to figure out what should I be bringing into my business? Like what is this soul frequency of a offer that I can stand in, that I can hold more people in, that I can teach people? Because right now. There's so many different things I could teach you. You know, like I could teach you about visibility because I'm, I've gone through it and I'm still expanding through it, and I could teach you about money. I could teach you about wellbeing. I could teach you about your unconscious mind, your heart, your nervous system, like energy. I can teach you about all these things, but I'm like, what's mine? So I shared that and I jump on the Zoom call with Marston, who is a, a lovely human being. Truly. She's so, she's fabulous, and I just, I connected with her immediately. And so part of the process is you share what you're going through, and then she starts channeling from her guides. And the first thing she told me, she was like, you need to take a break from the hamster wheel. And I was like, oh, what do you mean? What do you mean? That I'm trying to access information and something that actually, you know, isn't inside of constant effort loops. What do you mean? Like, I get it, but what do, what do I do about that? And it's really about stepping out of this like pattern that I have of seeking, of constantly seeking, trying to look, trying to find the thing. And then you're like, oh, the clarity that I'm looking for actually isn't hidden inside. More thinking, Ugh, what do you mean? But it's so easy to think thoughts. It's so easy to look at other people and see what they're doing and be like, oh my God, I could do that. And then it's like you start doing it and you're like, oh God. Or you do it actually, and then you learn and you're like, I can never do that again. Or something was slightly off, but I don't know what it was. You know? Like, I'm not meant to rerun something like that again. It's just so interesting. And then she shared, she was like, you have to follow the fun. And I'm like, Ugh, that I stand in that. Yeah. And also like, where's the strategy? What do you mean? And it's like, well. The fun is the strategy. And she told me, she said, 'cause I like, I took our session transcript and I pulled out the quote, so I'm gonna share them with you because you know why not? How fun. The wisdom that I paid for that you can benefit from. She said, the second you shift into doing something because it feels fun, that's when the information comes through. And I was like, oh, fun is the alignment. I need to stop taking things so dang seriously. And she was like, yeah. And I was like, Ugh. And then she said, you're trying to plant flowers in the same soil. Like why? Why is she calling me to the carpet in this way? Like, it feels a little aggressive. But when she said that, I was like, listen. I feel so seen right now because it is, because I'm like, keep looking for the same things. Well, I've done this and that's people do it this way and blah, blah. And I'm like, okay, well it's the same soil, isn't it? But what I realized, what she's saying is like the ideas that are actually for me, they're from a different energetic foundation, right? And new outcomes are actually asking me to shift into a new internal environment. And you know, that's fun. But it actually is really fun and it's because for most of my life, because the programming is so thick, it's like, you know, hard work equals success and. If I work hard enough, I will achieve the thing. Because they teach you that and then you're like, I, I worked hard and I got some success, but I didn't get where I thought I would be. Or, or like, what did I do wrong? I burnt out. I worked as hard as I could to dang near adrenal fatigue. Where, where are the things, where, where are the rewards? What do you mean? I, I burnt out like a little crispy tuna fish. What do you mean? And I realized like. So when I was full-time in my business after I left Allianz, which was a financial company where that was all about hard work and I didn't wanna do that anymore, and I got basic, almost two adrenal fatigue when I had my labs run. Took two years to heal from that. But when I went full-time in my business, I was operating like an employee of a corporation and it is 5 55 right now. Hello. And Spirit was not gonna let me continue to do that. Because I'm not an employee, I'm a creator, but I didn't know it at the time because I only knew that if you worked hard enough, if you proved yourself worthy. Right. And then I had clients and then they just, they dwindled. And then I had the opportunity to go work for my friend who was my boss at Allianz. Um, to go work at this place called Freeman. And I just thought it was so ironic that the company was called Freeman, like, free man Freedom is in there, right? Oh, but it's not really, and she, her, she was able to give me a position that offered me my dream salary. That, that I thought and had decided when I was a little girl, that if I, if I made six figures, that meant I was worthy and valuable and safe, and, and I got, you know. Man, I got a salary that really helped me in really beautiful ways where I got to be, you know, a walking blessing really. And also support myself and support Nicolai and all these things. And the problem was that I hated it. I hated my Monday through Friday. And you know what? That's a lot of time to hate your life. I also realized I had to be there for a reason. I had to teach myself how. To fall in love with the tiniest most micro moments of my life so that the energy could shift around it, so that then I could start bridging into new, new energies, new ideas, new clients even, you know? And what I realized though, is that I worked really hard in that job. I worked really hard for that six figures. Like I worked really, really, really hard where I would cry like after meetings and on Sundays, you know, because I didn't want to go back for another week. I couldn't imagine looking at my schedule and feeling so anxious again, you know, like all the constant work. I worked really hard for that money, but I'm shifting paradigms now. I'm shifting into, we don't work hard. We deserve and are worthy of living in ease and joy and play and creativity. And the action steps are the masculine energy is what's found in your heart when you're inspired. You know, and I also believe that there's something to be said about building solid foundations and things like that so that maybe your systems are automated or it's easier for you, right? It's not just like you sit back and you receive an overflow, an avalanche of money. There are things you have to have in place and things you have to do, of course. But if I've been constantly working hard and constantly seeking, why would my spirit be like, this is it for you, baby girl. 'cause it's not aligned. I've been trying to plant flowers in the same soil. Expecting different results. And so back to Marston, she said, you know, the thing is, is that you're going to just feel it in your body with what's right. Whatever offer that is, it's not going to feel like this exuberant, joyful, huge, explosive thing in your body. And I can understand that because I've been addicted to intensity. Intensity has been conditioned into me. I mean, when I, when you grow up without money, how intense is that? I, I vividly remember being in the car with my dad and my two sisters as we were driving home, and my dad was so stressed about the gas running out in the car. And I remember praying to God, I was like, please, please, please, just let us get home, please, because. I don't know. I don't know what will happen if we run out of gas and just like pleading, right. And we got home. But that fear, I shouldn't have had to feel that fear as a child. I, I shouldn't have had to ask God for gas, you know, like. But it's that intensity that brought all the way into my corporate roles and just overextending myself energetically, mentally, physically, emotionally, in these jobs that ask you for more and make you believe that the only way you can succeed is by being a machine, because that's the only way that you are praised. It's the way that you are rewarded, right? And then trying to prove yourself on social against noise and all of these other people who are wonderful doing similar things, all that stuff, intensity. And then when I would get ideas, I would shoot through the roof with joy and I would push and push and push and make them come to fruition. And then when they didn't pan out the way that I thought they would, I would become so deflated. 'cause I poured all my time and energy, my heart into something that I thought would be the thing. But I got lessons. I got wisdom. I have knowledge now that I mentor other people with, like, those were, those were worth it, man. But talk about alchemy and having to do that, you know, but intensity. Ooh. And so I'm, I'm having this conversation with Marston and it's so interesting because. She, she is psychic. Like she, one of the first things she asked me, she was like, who is this person? Do you know someone with this name? And I was like, I do, I only know one person. And she was, she was kind of like, why is this name coming through? And I knew. Because this person in my life, I've known since high school, and they pop up in my mind probably every two to three weeks, plus I see them on Facebook. But I didn't understand why they were on like on repetition coming up in my mind until I realized, oh, she serves as an archetype for me because this woman, it took her years to figure out what she wanted to do with her life, and now she's extremely successful. Extremely. She's also so happy with what she does. It's meaningful for her. She makes huge amounts of money. She's traveling all the time. She is just like adorned in beautiful clothing and beautiful jewelry and, and I'm like, wow, okay. Like she's the o and it's because she, to me, embodies unwavering confidence. She has always been unapologetically herself. Even when people were judging the heck out of her and had all these snide comments, you know, 'cause high school is a thing and, and stuff like, she was always true to her. And I really admired that. And I can see more deeply now the invitation for me to see myself more clearly. And then Marten asked me, she was like. I don't know why, but did you just get new shoes? And I looked at her and I was like, they're on the way now. What do you mean? Because the day before, I had actually bought a new pair of shoes and they were being shipped to me because you know, like I tend to wear my shoes until there's holes in them. But just of you, you know. We got a lot of holes. Is that, is that my whole foot coming through? Oh, did I just feel a tiny amount of rain? Like it's a whole puddle and my sock is drenched. Okay. So I bought myself new shoes and, and so that came through and then she asked me, she was like, why do I keep seeing roses? You know, it's like. That's Mary Magdalene and I just knew at the moment because roses have been coming through in my field so often because of a, I've heard that they are the highest frequency flower, which could or could not be true, but it may also be our projection onto something so beautiful. I love what the Rose stands for. I love this intense beauty or how the colors mean different things. I love how, to me, the sprick parts. And by fricke, I mean thorns represent boundaries and things like that. Um, you, you know, just, and how they, they can mean pleasure and devotion and beauty, just, and softness. And also again, with the fricke thorns like. Do not mess around. You could hurt yourself, right? If you are not careful, if you don't have the awareness or the wherewithal, you know, with being around these little sprick things. And so I, I was like, that's Mary Magdalene. And then she, um, was telling me that actually. I am being invited to create, um, like a little bit of an altar space because what I am expanding into is womb healing that connects to my throat so that I can speak more clearly my truth, and I totally understand that. And she's like, you need to have water. And, um, I think you already have a rose quartz crystal. And I was like, I do. It's in the shape of a heart, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna do that because I'm curious about it. Creating this little altar, which is fun. I haven't done that in years, really. Um, but it's an altar to me, to the goddess within. And that feels amazing. And when we touched on that, it was really interesting because something in my womb spasmed, and I'm like, well, that never happened, so I'm going to pay attention to that. You know? And then when we were talking, she was like, why am I seeing Cartier? Why I'm, look, I'm seeing like flashes of my vision board with Cartier on it, but I didn't wanna project onto you. And I was like, it's because I literally slammed my glass or my face on glass outside of Cartier. And because there is a ring that I've always wanted from there, you know? And, and I just was like, when someone starts pulling through things like that, that are so specific that I'm like, yeah, the message is landing for me. And so she shared things with me. About myself, about this information for my business. I it, I knew it. I knew it. I knew what she was talking about, you know, at a, the deepest level of me. I knew it. And also when you have the synchronicities aligned with like Cartier and the friend that she named and things like that, that's so specific. My new shoes, which I never buy ever. I'm like, okay, so this is actually real and true. Pay attention to the truth within yourself because this is not just a, I was gonna say an overcast message, an overarching message. This is legit pay attention. And so it was really cool because. Part of it, she develops or is in process of developing this thing called the Marston method. And it's basically like, um, viewing different quantum timelines. And so she walked me through this process where I got to meet this version of myself, who has done it, who has all the things, right? And I was sitting there thinking like, okay, well we'll see. And I go to this frame in time or whatever, and I am in my own body looking out. And it's my yard, and I'm standing in the grass barefoot and the grass is so green and velvety under my feet, and I'm sitting there and I feel this, this peace in my body. And I look down and I see the ring that I want, and I see my wedding ring and the ring from Cartier and my wedding ring. I see these bangles. That I also want, and I, I'm like, why is there this like breeze? And then I look down and I'm wearing a dress and I never wear dresses. I, I, maybe at a wedding I'll wear them, right? But like, I don't wear dresses just every day because as a child it was safer for me to feel like a tomboy than to be a girly girl. And I've always, like, ever since I was a kid, I hated pink because I didn't wanna be a girl. I didn't wanna be a girly girl. I didn't wanna be seen that way. I didn't wanna be seen as needy or annoying because those were my own projections, right? I knew that it wasn't safe to be a girl. And so just recently even I started falling in love with Pink again and, and really letting myself like love it because it's beautiful and because to me pink represents the higher heart chakra and also your soul star chakra With it being magenta and feeling how that feels like, ugh. And so. I look down and I see this dress and I'm like, okay, I see. And, and I just feel this piece inside of me. And then I'm, Marston asks me these questions and I start having this information just coming through my mind, like from from the back of my mind all the way to the front where I can perceive it. And I hear myself say, you can do no wrong. And I was like, oh, this wave of. Relief, you know, that like no matter what step I take, I'm not going to be punished. It's just, it's not going to be a thing. If, if something happens and I can't do what I'm doing now and it shifts, it's because it's meant to. Or I'm supposed to learn something like I can, I can do no wrong. The path home is, will always be there no matter what. No matter what obstacle or adventure I take. The, the path home is still there no matter what. And then I watched myself, my, this version of me, like put her hand out so I could see it. And she showed me what looked like when someone says, they're like measuring what an inch is and they show you with like their index finger in their thumb. And I was like, why am I seeing this? And I heard myself say, trust the gap. And immediately I knew. That the space between my fingers, it's not about getting from point A to point B as quickly as humanly possible. It's about the space between where clarity is found so that space and the gap isn't empty. It's, it's really where you're integration happens and you're recalibrating, and also where your identity shifts, you know, and it's, it's me learning how to not be uncomfortable in the gap. Because usually I'm trying to rush out of it, you know, instead of just sitting in and being like, trust. Trust. Because I think that nothing is happening, but so much is actually happening in the in-between. But I'm so used to, you know, and we all are measuring progress visually and being like, oh my God, where is it? I gotta see it to believe it. But really the truth is, is like your internal world is shifting and your life is reorganizing energetically first. Energetically first, then physically, and I'm sitting there and all of a sudden I just feel like my heart light up like physically in my body now, but, or in that session. But I heard myself say, peace is the prosperity of the future, and that is what I believe. I, I genuinely believe that wealth isn't just about finances. I think it's about our capacity, you know, our willingness to rest and to honor our body, our ability to receive in, in way bigger, more expansive ways than we're used to. Our ability to hold space without tension. Without collapsing, without running away, or slamming into invisible barriers, right? And learning that peace is the frequency, peace is the prosperity of the future. And if you build from a place of peace, I truly believe that this whole process is about wealth becoming sustainable because your nervous system dictates what you see and how you experience things. And if you are in a constant state of fight or flight, or fawn or freeze. It's because you are, you are in a very tiny window. You're experiencing very little because of how your filters are set up, because your body doesn't wanna be overwhelmed, you know? And I genuinely believe that we are going to be moving from a place of survival to survival for all. And how does that happen? It's when we fall in love with peace. It's not about looking and being like, I wanna battle war. We need to go to war with each other. It's about falling so in love with peace, that it's the choice and it's the frequency we, frequency we emit, and that we're not building from urgency anymore. And we're trusting the cycles, just, you know, in the seasons and the way that nature does too. And so I really hold that in my heart that peace is the prosperity of the future. And Marston asked me, how do you know? Like, how do you know the world you're living in, the body you're living in? Like, what's different? And I, it just, I just knew it. I was like, I cracked the code on money and scheduling. I literally cracked it. I was like, there's money in rest. There's money in rest. And that it's not about effort. Anymore. It's about moving from like, oh my God, I like today, if I don't make money today, that's a problem. And what if I don't make money tomorrow, blah, blah, instead of like, I'm actually receiving energetically. And that it's in the space between, it's in the gap, right? Like trusting that my energy is so magnetic that every time I pour into myself, I'm literally seeding my reality. And my nervous system to be able to be nourished, to be held, to be supported, and that I'm teaching my nervous system to trust spaciousness. And I also shared with her, and I just knew this, and this sounds kind of cliche, but I'm, I'm trying not to judge it, but I heard myself say everything happened exactly how it was meant to. There wasn't this like, God, I wish I should have done this, or You need to do this now in that body, in, in that time space, you gotta figure it out that way. It was just like, whoa, whoa. Relax, relax. It's not about pressure anymore. You're recalibrating. Everything happened exactly as it was meant to. I mean, my God. And so when I came back, it was so interesting because I was like, man. I see where I'm headed. I see how I cannot build my business in the way that I have done so in the past. And Marston was like, the thing is, is you don't check to see if your shoes are coming. You know that they are. There isn't like certainty being created through evidence. It's a decision about your reality. Your idea is already there. Everything you're looking for is literally already there. You have to trust and know. And I was like, ah. Because this is about receiving. It's not about seeking. It's not about pushing or forcing or hustling, trying to bend things with my will. It's literally the energetic posture of receiving. And so. I'm learning how to not figure out my next move, even though like I really, I really want to, 'cause my brain is like, listen, this would be so fun if we could just noodle on this and become an al dente pasta, but it's not gonna be the thing because I'm actually becoming a new version of myself. You know, someone who, who no longer needs to force. I get to receive and I get to embody. And I'm creating something stable, not intense, and I think that's why I've just been like, it's so uncomfortable for me, but it's because, you know, like my identity truly has been pretty much built on being the one who figures it out. Because if I figure it out, I can get myself outta this situation. Because if I can figure it out, that means that I'll never have to experience a level of pain like that again. If I can figure it out, I can help other people figure it out too. I don't have to figure it out. I'm learning how to remember and I'm learning how good it feels to receive in that remembrance, and I know that I'm meant to walk this journey because when I do fully expand in this state and I have these epiphanies and these realizations along the way, I get to share them with you and we get to lead a new way, a new paradigm, a new age. We get to be differently, but, but differently where it's rooted in fresh soil and it's full of love and abundance and joy, and play in sovereignty. That's why we're here. So thank you for being with me. I, I genuinely mean it. It's so fun to get to walk with people like you with hearts like yours. So thank you for being with me. I love you and I hope you have a wonderful magical day.