The dragonfly, the prophecy, and the path to freedom

In this episode, I’m bringing you into the signature symbol that has woven itself through some of the biggest turning points of my life: the dragonfly. 🐉🪽

This one moves through career leaps, heartbreak, love, spiritual signs, divine timing, Gene Keys, and the strange beauty of becoming something you can’t fully see yet.

Inside this episode, we explore:

• Why the dragonfly has become one of the most profound spiritual symbols in my life.
• The strange moment a dragonfly appeared during a season when I felt extremely stuck and ready for change.
• What the dragonfly’s transformation teaches us about growth, timing, and emergence.
• How symbols can show up in ordinary places and become impossible to ignore. 👀
• The way dragonflies and damselflies appeared during major career and relationship thresholds.
• A deeply personal story about heartbreak, betrayal, self-worth, and the painful path back to myself.
• The intuitive readings, oracle cards, and synchronicities that began pointing me toward love.
• Why Gene Key 55 and the "The Dragonfly’s Dream" feels connected to where we are collectively heading.
• What 2027 represents within the Gene Keys framework, what it's linked to, and why this profoundly matters.
• Why nervous system regulation, emotional awareness, and inner trust matter so much right now.
• How we may be preparing for a version of life we can’t fully understand from where we are now. 🤩

This episode is for the part of you that feels like something is shifting, even if you can’t explain it yet. It’s for the part of you that's been growing beneath the surface.

And it’s for the part of you that may be closer to flight than you realize.

Transcript

Ashley Mondor:
Hello, hello. I have quite the beefy episode for you today because I did research, I went into my archives because I wanna bring through something that I have wanted to do for a very, very, very long time, and now I'm doing it. So it's been two weeks since I posted an episode because my mom has been in the hospital, and I have been working for her, and her job is so extroverted, and that is not me. Oh my God. I would work there all day, drive home in the commute, which is like 30 minutes if there isn't traffic, and then I would just sit and be like a pile of dirt. Like, not even like a fertile pile of dirt. You know what I'm saying? Just like this crispy, sun-drenched, zero hydration pile of dirt. But I asked for two days off because I freaking needed it. I needed to put boundaries, and today's my second day, and I was like, "Okay, I finally have the space to be able to do this episode in a way where I feel like I can do it well," and not just be like, "Hello. I am exhausted." So thank you for your grace and your patience, and thank you for being with me. So today I wanna talk about the most profound and impactful spiritual symbol of my life, and I want to break it down from where it started in two major areas of my life and how it presented, and then also where I think that this symbol is taking us. And so again, I went into my archives. I also researched. So I basically wrote a script for myself because I do not want to leave any of these details out, so if it sounds like I'm reading at times, guess what? It is because I am. And also it's because, man, the details are so good, I'm telling you. Ugh. So first let me get ready with my water. Yep. That was my water bottle. I opened that with my mouth sound. You probably didn't hear it, and I made that weird. Drink up if you have something near you Okay let's get into it oh God, I'm so excited okay ground, ground, ground okay I went to college. We're like, "Whoa, we're going all the way back there?" Yes, we are. Okay? When I went to college, I went to get my degree in marketing and communications. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I just knew that I wanted to write, and I wanted to play, and I wanted a degree that basically I could take with me into any industry. So writing makes a lot of sense. Uh, did I know what I wanted to do with that? No. Okay, fine. So I graduate college, and I have on my resume three internships. I went so far above and beyond, and guess what? No one in the field would hire me because I was too new. They were like, "We need someone with one to three years of experience as a, um, what? A new hire or, like, a brand-new person in the field." And I was like, "How do you get that unless someone opens the door for you? And I have internships. Like, what are you talking about?" Ugh. So that led me to, uh, trying to find a job where it could expand my skill set in some way. And typically what I do is I face my fears by doing something that I'm like, "God, I super am not good at that. Okay. Well, how can I make this better even though it's confronting and I'm, like, sweating through my shirt?" I find a job as a receptionist at a Mercedes-Benz and Porsche dealership. Do I care about cars? Absolutely not. My God, do I really wanna talk to people all day? No, I don't. But the reason why I took that job is because I wanted to learn how to talk on the phone in a way where I wouldn't just be like, "Have a good day. Love you so much," click. 'Cause I really did not like talking on the phone. I still don't. But I wanted to, to just freakin' figure out how to do it because I was like, "Man, this is gonna serve me someday." Does it really? No. Okay? Uh, but it was confronting for me. So I'm there, and, you know, the first year is great because you're learning things and you're meeting new people and you're developing relationships, and then after a year, you, at least at this job, you know the job, and I like to be challenged. Um, and I'm like, "I cannot believe I'm spending my time, like, removing industrial grade... They're not paperclips. They're, like, staples, into these huge, like, service orders." And, and you meet people, and then you start getting their quirks, and it's more of the quirks that, like, grate on you. And at this time, I don't have, like, the self-awareness to understand why certain people would trigger me in that way, right? I'm just... I'm a young girl in her 20s. So I'm sitting there, and I am starting to hate this job. And I have so many resumes out that I'm like, "Oh my God. When is someone gonna hire me? What is happening here? Like, why?" And also while I'm at this job, just as, like, a side note, I started asking the marketing manager if I could take tasks off of his plate, and he was so gracious to let me do this, which was amazing, so I could start saying, "Oh, yeah, look it. I do these things here." I helped put on a fashion show at this dealership, okay? What? Do I even care about fashion? No. But you know what? I got free food, and that was worth it. So I come in one day, and part of the reason why I didn't like my job is because I had to ask to take breaks. I had to ask if I could go to the bathroom. I was literally chained to that desk, and I could not stand that. What do you mean I have to ask to go, to go to the bathroom? Well, if someone calls, they need to be directed, right? You know what happened? Sometimes I would ask and people would not come to rescue me because their job was so busy, or people kept calling them, or they kept getting pulled to the side. And so one day, I was like, "F this. I really have to go. No one is coming to rescue me or to, like, relieve me," and I just go to the bathroom. Your girl misses a phone call. That person calls the manager and basically reams him out saying, "How is no one at the front desk? Da, da, da." And I'm like, "Sorry, biologically had to go." Like, that person can be as mad as they want for their, like, $70,000, $80,000 vehicle. I do not care. So I'm sitting there 'cause I can't leave this job yet, but I have all these resumes out, and all of a sudden, I watch a huge dragonfly fly in through the front doors, fly over these, like, gleaming, beautiful luxury cars, and then fly up on the wall above my computer And I was like, "Oh my God, like that wall is so high. How am I even gonna, like get that dragonfly to free it? Like, oh, now you've just added another level of complexity to my job. I didn't even know." And so I'm sitting there and I'm like, "There's no way I can reach it," because the ceiling was so high. And so I'm sitting there and I'm like, "Ugh, there's nothing I can do," and I just let it go. Hours, hours go by, and the dragonfly doesn't move. And I'm thinking, "Is this what happens with a dragonfly? Do they, do they stay here for hours?" Because in the wild, I see them buzzing about, like, you know, taking care of their territory and things. And so those hours go by and I realize, "Oh, I think it's here for me. I think maybe it's a message or a symbol or something, because why is it just sitting here?" And so I, I went on the computer as it was sitting above me, and I Google dragonfly symbolism, and I learned that, um, dragonflies are messengers from the spirit realm, and they symbolize transformation, adaptability, and they represent self-realization. And so from this point, I researched what do dragonflies... You know, like why are they so special? Why do they represent transformation? 'Cause I had no idea. And so this is the research. One of the reasons the dragonfly's transformation feels so extraordinary is that it happens in two completely different worlds. A dragonfly begins its life underwater as a nymph, and then depending on the species, it may spend one to five years, and sometimes even longer, beneath the surface. During that time, it doesn't resemble the graceful insect we recognize. Instead, it's a powerful aquatic predator that crawls under the bottom of ponds and streams, breathing through gills and hunting other aquatic creatures. Then, when the time is right, something remarkable happens. The nymph climbs out of the water, often in the middle of the night or early morning, and anchors itself to a stem, rock, or dock. Its outer shell splits open, and the adult dragonfly slowly pulls itself free At first, its wings are small, crumpled, and soft. Over the next few hours, it pumps fluid into them, allowing them to expand and harden before taking its very first flight. That means the dragonfly doesn't just change shape, it changes its habitat from water to air, its method of breathing, its way of moving, crawling to flying, and its perspective on the world. The old exoskeleton remains behind, clinging to the plant while the dragonfly flies away. And then this other detail is pretty fascinating, at least to me. The adult stage is often much shorter than the underwater stage. A dragonfly may spend years preparing for a life above the water that lasts only weeks or months. Biologically, that's simply its life cycle, but it's part of why the emergence for a dragonfly from water to earth or air feels so striking. Um, another thing, from a scientific perspective, the transformation is a form of incomplete metamorphosis. Unlike butterflies, dragonflies don't pass through a pupil stage. Instead, they molt multiple times as nymphs, and the final molt produces the winged adult. People have long found symbolic meaning in this life cycle because the imagery is so vivid. Living unseen for a long time before emerging, leaving behind a shell that can no longer contain you, moving from one environment to another that requires entirely new abilities, seeing the world from a completely different vantage point. The dragonfly's life cycle offers a powerful metaphor that many people connect with because the transformation is so dramatic and visually unforgettable So I also find it beautiful that for so much of its life, you know, the dragonfly is becoming something it can't yet experience or know, right? The nymph has no wings to test and no way to imagine the view from above the water, and yet the capacity for its flight is already being prepared within it. So it's this idea of unseen development preceding or coming before visible change, and this is one of the reasons why the dragonfly has, you know, captivated people across so many cultures for centuries. So I wanted to share that with you to give you just an understanding of why this is so powerful to me, because what I'm about to share with you is, is from my own life. And I ... When you hear this, you're gonna be like, "Excuse me, what?" Because I'm over here just in awe of the way that spirit works. Okay? So back to that job that I was in where... Oh, do you wanna hear my voice? Can I, can I remember it? Give me a second. As a receptionist, I had to develop, like, a happy, welcoming voice. Um, okay. Ready? Oh, this feels so silly. Okay. Um, "Welcome to Mercedes-Benz of Maplewood and Porsche of St. Paul. This is Ashley. How may I direct your call?" Oh, God. I crushed with that, let me tell you what. Okay, back to that job. So after realizing that the dragonfly might actually be there as a message for me, I thought to myself, "Oh my God. I might actually be on the precipice of something that is huge, like some sort of change or transformation now that I know what this stands for." Because I couldn't stand my job, right? And at the time, I actually was also engaged to a man I had been with for, I think, seven, six or seven years at that time. So he is now my ex-fiancé, which, um, he taught me so much about myself. And so I'm, like, navigating this job and this relationship, and that man at the time, he was actually on deployment in Iraq and Afghanistan. So I'm living with his mom, and you know, I love her. Actually, I still love her. I k- somehow keep all the moms that I've, of the men I've ever dated. They stay in my life. I, I don't know why, but good God, I am so lucky. But again, I'm in this job. I don't like it. I have all these applications out, and I'm not hearing back, and getting so frustrated. But now in, you know, future or now version of me, I can see in hindsight that the dragonfly was actually letting me know that some- something beautiful was coming, but that I couldn't see it yet, and I had to trust the timing of that change. And so I think a month or two later, I got a call that I had landed my dream job at the time. I got my job at Special Olympics Minnesota And the reason why it took so long to hear back is because the vice president of marketing was trying to advocate for and create two positions to bring myself on and another incredible human being at the same time at, in an entry-level role. And I was at Special Olympics for three years, and I loved it until I burnt out to a crispy tater tot because running events is not for me, baby. Okay? Doing marketing all the time is also not for me, and being on people's beck and call and trying to, like, make people's visions come to life in a way where it's like, "No, we can't do that. We don't have the budget. Why do I have to, like, go to battle for you about the..." It was a whole thing, but I learned so much. It was my first career in marketing. And I, again, worked there for three years, and while I was there, I also was going through the process of breaking up with my then ex-fiancé. Um, I realized he wasn't the one for me and that he deserved to be with someone who could love all facets of him, who could, you know, who wanted children with him and a house and all this stuff. And so I went through that breakup with him, and six months later, he actually met his now wife, and her name is Ashley, and they have two children, and I just love that. Um, so he was with the wrong Ashley, you know, which is great. And then, um, at Special Olympics, I had met my next partner, and, um, man, story for you, but give me a second. So after working at Special Olympics for three years, I burnt out, and I was like, "I am not making enough money. I cannot stand working nights and weekends, and although I love this mission, I wanna live my life in a way where I can put food in my fridge and where I, you know, am not exhausted and burnt out and bitter." So I, I landed new job at a, a new nonprofit where the mission was absolutely, truly incredible. When I landed that job, one of the ways they got me in is because they offered me an office, and I was like, "Okay, fine." They also offered me more money, but the mission was incredible. So the mission was focused on training assistance dogs for people with disabilities. And, like, I remember being so in awe of this mission that I was like, "I'm gonna retire here. I cannot believe. What do you mean? I get to be around puppies? I get to sit in a room and have all these brand-new puppies come run at me? Go- oh my God. What?" And then I got to be, like, a fly on the wall and see how they're training these magnificent dogs. Like, as an example, at least back in the day when I was there, it cost $25,000 to train one dog, and they give those dogs away to people who need them, like, for free based on grants and all of these things and fundra- so much fundraising. And I remember being in awe because I got to be the person to share these people's stories about how these dogs were changing their life, right? Like, there was, um, people who have diabetes and things like that, and their dog would come up and let them know, like- Girl, you need a juice box right now. Or, um, there was one dog that could, that was so good it could find a contact on the floor What other, like just so many incredible things. But the problem was I was the marketing manager. I was a team of one. Ding, ding. Hello, it's me. My boss was the executive director, and he built this from scratch, and there were things that he did that I, I could not agree with, and also some shady behavior that I was like, "Eh, I don't, I think that you're just doing this for press," or I, I just... I don't know. He also would yell at people, and he would scream at me, and he was an extreme micromanager. Um, and also this was his legacy, and so he wanted everything to be a certain way, and it was absolutely awful. It was so bad. He also fell in love with me. That was a whole thing, um, that I had to navigate, you know, and that really sucked. Typically, when I... This is gonna sound some type of way, but typically, when I have male bosses, they tend to fall for me. And it makes sense because I am usually the first person or one in a while who is present and asks questions, and they feel seen, and they feel safe, and they wanna talk about things, and all that stuff, you know? And, and also, no. Just no, please. Ugh. So I, on the, in the first week of this job, it is so toxic. I remember I went into this whole, like, team meeting. I'm gonna meet all these people. It's a potluck. I freaking love free food. They're gonna, you know, give me the rundown on stuff. People are swearing at each other in this meeting. What do you mean? And I'm like, "Ooh, this is not a good look." Like, no. And so other things had happened in that first week where I actually brought all my stuff into the office. It's my first office. I'm so excited, and guess what? Nope. By that Friday, I start bringing all my stuff home. This is not gonna be... This is gonna be temporary, okay? And while I'm in there in this job, it was so bad. I would cry on Sundays because I could not believe that I would have to go back and do this shit. Sorry for swearing, especially if you have family, little ones in the car. I'm sorry. It was awful. It was so bad. And I, I hated it so much that I remember just asking God for some sort of direction because I cannot fathom staying in marketing. I cannot fathom being under someone's hierarchy and being told what to do for the rest of my freaking life. And then I'm doing something on the internet, and I see a podcast about living life with passion, and I'm like, "How do you do that?" Because I am in the opposite space for that. Listen, I, I cannot do this anymore. And so I, I look into this, and I find out it's a podcast where this woman is being interviewed, and her business is called Life with Passion. And that woman actually ended up becoming my first mentor because she talked about coaching, and at the time, I actually didn't know that there was coaching outside of, you know, professional sports and things. And she was like, "No, you can actually coach people, like, in business." Or in life or in marketing or, or whatever it is that you feel called to. And so she was my very first mentor and helped me start my business. W- and now she's one of my best friends. Like, that is so cool. I just, ugh, that's so amazing. So I, I have that job, and at this point, I am also, um, navigating that job and dating this man that I had met at Special Olympics, right, which is great, and I decide I can't do this anymore. So I, I give my, um, what is that? Resignation. I lasted 11 months. I didn't even last a whole year. I couldn't even do it. What? Like, what do you mean? And just as a caveat to tell you how, like, toxic it was at the time, I don't think it's this way anymore because that executive director has retired. Um, but the people I met there were amazing, and their mission is still amazing. I would absolutely back that mission. I just, ugh. I remember when I gave my resignation. They had one person in HR, and we were, um, slightly friends. Like, I helped him with his dog every now and again. And when I gave him my resignation, he sat in his desk, and he told me that if he ever saw my resume come through, that he would throw it in the trash. And I was like, "Okay, HR." Great. But the golden lining of that entire job is that it led me to starting this business that I have now, flash forward nine years later, and that again, I learned that coaching was something that I could do outside of sports, right? So that was amazing. It was the bridge I needed. And also, I know what it's like to totally hate your job and to hate Monday through Friday. You know what I'm saying? So I took that business with me into my very first corporate job at a place called Allianz, and they do-- or their focus is life insurance and basically preparing people for retirement. And I was, um, I think one of the reasons why I went into that job, outside of learning about financial stuff, because I grew up without money, right? And I didn't know about retirement, and that felt like something that wasn't even gonna be available for me or people in my generation and beyond, you know? But I was there for three years, and my boss actually, she's now one of my very best friends. And I remember in the interview with her, we were talking, and she was looking at my resume, and she had saw that I had volunteered for a year at the Animal Humane Society as a dog walker every Sunday. And then she saw that obviously I worked for this other spot that focused on training assistance dogs. And, and my friend loves dogs. She, she, ugh, she has such a heart for them, right? And so we connected and bonded, and she hired me, which is amazing. And so I worked there for three years, and then she left to go pursue another job, and I was burning out again to a very crispy little tater tot because corporate teaches you to be a robot, to perform for a carrot, right? And just fricking annual reviews and all that and just always having to say yes to people, and if you have to say no, you have to deliver it in a way where it's, like, really soft and all this stuff, right? Ugh, bleh. And so I had been there for three years, and I've learned something about myself where when I do something, usually around the two to three-year mark, it no longer becomes challenging, or it's work I don't even wanna do because it's not fulfilling. Like, it isn't meaningful or fulfilling, so why would I be spending my time and energy on something like that? And so I, again, was burning out actually. Like I had to have my levels checked. I, um, damn near hit adrenal fatigue based on my hormones, which makes sense because I wasn't sleeping, I was constantly stressed, always having to work ahead. If you're not working ahead, you're drowning. It was-- It's an awful system. And so I asked for a sign if it was okay to leap full-time into my business because I had never done something like that before, and also being three years in a space where you are always looking for retirement and preparing for it and saving for it and, you know, like the, just the scarcity and the fear around that really did a number on my system. And so I was hanging out with one of my friends in Kentucky. Oh, my mentor, um, actually, one of my best friends. I was hanging out with her at her home in Kentucky and I, I was just like so sick and tired of being the yes person and not being able to like go for a walk or, you know, having like, having to deal with all this stuff around COVID especially 'cause I'm-- I was in internal communications which also means crisis communications. Like it was a whole thing. I mean, I also live in Minnesota and this was the time where, um, Floyd was murdered and we were having rioting and protesting and I live over there, right? Like it was a whole thing. And I just remember sitting in these meetings being like, "These wealthy white people just don't get it." They don't understand. They're not being bombarded by sirens constantly and watching people drive down the road with their guns out. Like that was my reality and I had to go in and be on a meeting and talk about something that was so trivial. I could not... Ugh. Oh, okay. So I had decided on my friend's deck as I was looking at the trees, I'm quitting this nonsense. I'm gonna make the leap because I'm like, "Even if I fail, even though I'm so afraid of doing this, I can always get a new job. I have skills, right? Like I'll figure it out." So I make that decision that I'm quitting and my brain panics and I'm sitting there like, "Oh my God. What about my salary? What about the benefits? How-- I'm not ready yet. I've never done this before." But there was something in my heart that was like, "You can do this. Trust the process." And while I was listening to my heart and my ego at the s- the same time, the fear was so loud. I was spinning out in doubt and anxiety and all this stuff and I'm like panicking, right? I'm like, "Oh my God," because I had just called my boss to be like, "I'm quitting. I can't do this. How long of a time do you need in order to bring in someone new who can take all of this work from my plate? Because I am drowning and I wanna actually give it a go in my business." And she was absolutely amazing. She was so great about it even though I was like super anxious and she told me, she was like, "Ashley, if anyone can do this it's you." And I was like, "Ugh, okay." And so I'm sitting there on my friend's deck, and as I'm, like, going back and forth in my brain, a damselfly flew and landed right in front of me And it just sat there and looked at me. And it was this, like, beautiful purple-ish damselfly. And I was like, "Okay." That... It's not moving. Like, that is a sign for me. And so damselflies, um, run parallel in my mind to dragonflies. They trans- or they symbolize transformation, adaptability, and also, like, a lightness of spirit, and it felt like that, that was a message from my angels, you know? And so I, I took that as a sign, and I quit my corporate job, and I went into business for the next two years. And then i- if you've been here for a while, you know that I was then led back into corporate for two years, and paid down all my debt, and had the salary of my dreams, and then burnt out to, again, another saucy little crispy tater tot. And th- you know, that's a whole story in and of itself. But that was, that was the journey for my career with dragonflies so far. Um, and I have many, many more of them, but I just wanted to give you the biggies. So let's talk about love, okay? Because this one is crazy. And first, if you have water, take a drink, will you? Okay. Remember that man I was dating from the, from Special Olympics, from that nonprofit? Well, after I had quit my job and went into my business, which he was a huge, huge supporter of that, he also, uh, runs his own business. He runs a gym. And I was with him, like, I helped him build his website, I helped him launch a nonprofit, I helped him build that, I helped him with the marketing, all of that stuff. Uh, so I got to see firsthand what it was like to chase after a passion, completely knowing uncertainty, and I got to see what that was like, and also feel that in my body. It was, it was such a blessing to watch this man do that. And so at this point in my life, I had been dating him for four years when I had found out something very important. Ugh. I had been having dreams, as one does, where I was like, "Are you cheating on me?" Because this keeps coming up in my psyche. And obviously he was like, "No, I would never do that." And I'm like, "Oh, I must be processing something different." You know? Because just because someone is cheating on you in your dreams doesn't necessarily mean that they're actually doing it. It's something for you to process and for you to face, and, you know, where are you misplacing your needs, or where are you not trusting yourself, all that stuff. And I remember I was sitting in my car, driving back and being in traffic, and I was like, "Hey, spirit guides, just hear me out. Because I keep having these dreams, is he cheating on me?" And all of a sudden, my entire crown lit up with tingles, and I was like, "Oh, mother of God." But I brushed it off because I was like, "Oh, that could be, like, someone in the car next to me. It could be their family member. It could be anything." And I actually just wasn't ready to acknowledge it, you know, 'cause, like, I'm madly in love with this man. Um, granted, I saw him maybe one to two days a week, and I supported his business. I supported him when he was at the nonprofit. Like, I went so above and beyond. I put his needs before mine constantly, all this stuff. And so I'm like, "How the hell dare you to cheat on me, if that's even a thing?" But again, he tells me he's not, okay? A few days later, I am actually about to head out to support him at an event he was leading because he needed a volunteer and things. And so I go and I open my fridge, and I go to grab a snack for the road, because snacks for the road are important, and he sends me a message, and I look to see what it is, and it's, like, a screenshot of something that he wanted to show me. But what he did not realize is that he accidentally included a text message from a woman who was calling him babe. Didn't recognize the number, but I was like, "Who the hell is calling you babe?" Because what? And my heart sunk because there it was The truth right there in a way that, ooh, you could not miss. And I asked him about that, and he denied it completely. For weeks he denied it, and I was like, "Who is that?" And he was like, "Nah, I just... I don't even know." And I'm like, "Show me your phone." And he wouldn't show me his phone. And here's the thing, at that time in my life, I was trusting, and I tried to let it go, but it just kept gnawing on me, right? And so I finally, finally was able to find that woman. And guess what? She worked at another Special Olympics in a different state, and they had actually met up at a conference. But he was sing- he was single, of course, and he never wanted to say he was in a relationship on social media. He never talked about me anywhere, even though I was helping him with all of his stuff in his business, all of these things, right? But I was, like, nowhere to be found, so of course she thought he was single. And I, I remember I was sitting in a chair when I f- I got her number, and I looped them into both a text message, and I was like, "Hey, I would just love for someone to tell me the truth of what's happening here, because clearly I am not in the loop. And I'd love for someone to step up and have the courage to actually tell me what's happening." So she called me, and she was driving across the country for her job, and she was telling me how she was about to throw up and how bad she felt, um, because he had been cheating on me for almost a whole year with her. And he was telling her things like, well, I was just in his life, you know, f- up until my website was gon- or his website was gonna be completed and all these things, and that I... You know, we weren't, we were in a relationship, but he had been thinking about leaving me for a while and all this stuff, which I was like, "Oh, girl, that's news to me," 'cause I'm, like, the best person he's ever been with. He tells me that, but also just through my actions, you know? And so finally she, she fessed up, and we actually concocted a plan. And this probably won't paint me in a very good picture, but I trust that if you're here, you understand that this was a past version of me, and I'm a Scorpio. So we concocted a plan to meet up And what would happen is he would come home from this conference he was at, probably, you know, chatting with other women and I would meet him at his home because he missed me so much, you know? And, like, he felt so bad about all the stress that was being caused about these lies that weren't true, obviously, and he just wanted to, you know, tell me his side of the story. And I'm like, "Oh my God, of course. Tell me everything. I need to know," right? "Of course I believe you." And so I remember vividly, vividly sitting on his couch, listening to him, you know, share these little lies and all these things that he was weaving so he could be seen in a certain way. And all of a sudden, there's a knock on his door, and my heart smiles. "Oh, this is my time," right? And he goes, and he's, like, kind of flustered 'cause it's nighttime. He's like, "Who is here?" And I'm like, "Oh my God, who is here?" And he opens the door, and I hear him whisper, "Why are you here?" And I get up off the couch with a smile, and I'm like, "Oh, I invited her. This is so fun." And he panics. He freaks out. Oh, there's a train that just honked. Ooh, is it gonna honk this whole time? Was I not supposed to share that? Ooh. Ugh. And I remember him panicking, and I remember him just saying to me how she didn't mean anything to him and how much he loves me. And I'm like, "Listen, brother, I'm actually getting all of my what few things I had at your house out now." So I, like, was in the bathroom as I'm, like, taking stuff out of the mirror cupboard thing, and she was going up into his attic to go get the stuff that he actually let her keep in his house that I had never known about, right? Like, I have to tell you, it took years in order to get a drawer at his home because he refused to live with me. He refused, and I finally got a drawer because I was so pissed about living out of a bag, which is also on me. I mean boundaries, but again, I didn't know. And then to find out that she could keep her stuff at his house, oh my God. But he kept telling her that she meant nothing to him. Again, that's a train. And I was like, "Brother, if she didn't mean anything to you, why would you string her along for a year?" And I watched her heart break, and I'm furious because you don't do this to women. Like, her and I, we're sisters now. Too bad for you. Like, we have-- We're teaming up, okay? Like, she's gonna be my friend. I understand why you chose her, because she's like me. She's a beautiful human being, right? Like, clearly we care about the same things. And so I will never forget- As we both were walking out of his house, leaving together, and he watched us crying. And we go our separate ways, but right before we do, we hug, and we're crying as we're hugging, and we're, like, shaking because there was so much anxiety and just, like, you know, the cortisol spiking. And both of us were talking about how proud we were of each other and how grateful we were to be together through that. And that is still, like, although it doesn't paint me in a great light because of the secrecy, on the other hand, like, I'm so proud of how I showed up and held my own. But also, we walked through that again together, and that sucked, right? And so I break up with him, and I think, like, a month or two later, he reaches out back to me because he wants to apologize in person. And do I wanna do that? Hell no. No, I do not wanna see you again. Like, I'm so mad at you. How dare you? Like, I... You guys, the level... Ugh. I, I have never drank so much in my life trying to numb that level of heartbreak. Like, I- it was daily. It was a lot. And then I started coming out of it, right? And, like, the grief and the questioning and the doubt and the betrayal and the wound, all that stuff. I started coming out of it, and then he messages me, and I'm like, "Ugh." But there was something that pulled on my heart, right? And so I decided that we, if he wanted to do this, we could meet at a, um, a hiking spot because one of the things in our relationship was Adventure Sundays. So every Sunday, we would actually go for a hike somewhere or a walk around the neighborhood or something, but we were always outside, which was amazing. And that's how we processed so much of our relationship and the things we were working through and, like, our biggest dreams. Like, it was a treasure for me because we would have a big breakfast, and then we would spend the rest of the day hiking, and then we would come back and have, like, tacos or something. Um, Fern, are you gonna come over here? Are you gonna jump down? And three, two, one. There you go. Good job. So yay, Fern. Oh, little tuxedo baby. So we go on this, like, hiking thing, and he starts pouring his heart out. And I'm like, "Listen, I actually don't care. You did this to yourself, okay?" And I have all these questions that come up because I need to understand, what is it about me that you decided was so worthy of betraying? Why would you put my body in danger and risk my health for this, knowing full well that you guys weren't exclusive and that she was dating other men? Like, this was a whole thing, and I needed to get to the bottom of it. So we decide that we're gonna go to this part of the woods where we know there is a bench. And so we're sitting there, and he's telling me these answers, and he's crying, and I'm crying out of rage and sadness and hurt. And all of a sudden, a damselfly lands on him And I'm like, "What?" Now again, damselflies symbolize transformation and lightness of being and all that stuff, and again, they parallel dragonfly symbolism for me. And I'm like, "Okay, well that's interesting." And then another one lands on him. None on me, and I'm like, "What is so special about you right now?" And then another, and then another, and then another, and at one point he had, like, eight to 10 damselflies s- like, just sitting on him, and there were zero on me the whole time. Not a single one. And I'm like, "Oh my God, this, this is such a massive sign that, that maybe there was work there for both of us that we were meant to do together, because how the hell are so many on you and there is not one on me?" And in hindsight, I think it was actually probably a sign that he was the one who needed to do the work on himself through, like, therapy and stuff. But I, I read it as a symbol for both of us. And so I, I said, "If you tell me all the truth, if you are willing to answer every and all question the moment I have it, no matter if we have rehashed this multiple times, and you are willing to do that, even if it bothers you or annoys you, you're willing to speak to it, and if you go to therapy, I will consider taking you back." Dear gentle listener . Another year later, he started secretly talking with another woman from a different Special Olympics program. Okay. So all of that to say, I was with him for five years, and I tell people when I share this story with them that they look at me just, like, in awe of, like, "Why did you go back?" But the thing is, is I f- I genuinely feel like he walked me to my worthiness because I had no idea what was r- what was rendering... Rendering? I was saying rendering and running underneath the surface. I had no idea the level of self-doubt, the lack of love I held for myself, my inability to speak up for myself, for my needs, for my boundaries, um, how afraid I was to have certain conversations. Just, like, so not seeing who I am and what I bring to the relationship. Like, in any relationship, I could not see it, and so I was a doormat. And then he taught me through that level of pain who the hell I am and what I stand for and what I will never, ever, ever put up with again. You cheat on me once, goodbye, have a good life. Like, never again will I walk through that, ever. So again, he walked me to my worthiness. Although it was a very painful road, it was worth it. So I closed the door on that romantic relationship, but I kept him as a friend, which I know that, like, a lot of people would judge me for that, and they actually did. I had friends leave me, uh, because they did not believe that I should keep him as a friend, and I totally understand. I totally get it, and also at the time, um, I valued his friendship, and it was during COVID, right? And you could only see certain people, and he was the, like, one person I could see a week. And, and also, most of my social circle was involved with him. So that was, like, a whole thing. Um, okay. On the heels of this breaking up thing and, like, walking through that, I think a few months later, I feel this pull because I need to, like, figure out what am I doing with my life? Like, five years with someone who could not see or value me or, you know, be faithful or honest or loyal, like, what is that, okay? So I go to a healing expo, which I have done many, many, many times, right? They have Reiki practitioners and people slinging crystals and tarot readers and just all this stuff. I love it. I love it. So I am at this big conference center, and I see this woman named Amy, and I'm like, "Oh my God, I wonder if she does readings." I don't know why out of anyone I zero in on her, and I'm like, "Ooh, yes. Hello, Amy, I'm gonna pay you for, like, a 15 to 20-minute reading. I am here sat at your chair, my heart freshly broken." So as anyone does, I ask about love. And because I am who I am, I wrote all of the notes down from that session, and I thought you would be curious to hear some of the wisdom that came through because it was great for me. Let me type it in my phone and take a drink. La, la, la So she, this is from my notes app. Um, one of, and I, again, I wrote this because I recorded it and I was like, "This is great." Okay. She asks me, "Do you even wanna be in a relationship right now? Do you really want one?" And she was like, "You are on the journey of figuring it out in an intuitive way why you don't want a relationship right now." And she was like, "You're different than people in the mainstream, and people aren't actually doing it in this way where they figure out why they don't wanna be in a relationship." And so she said, um Uh, she saw this, like, big electrical cord where I am, like, vitalizing my own self right now and learning how to live spiritually, and that once I plug it into why I'm not interested in being in a relationship right now, that I am actually intending that the person will come to me in this specific way. Like, I d- I'm, I'm standing for this type of partner, and I want, I want this in a partnership, and this is how he's coming. And then also addressing all of the underlying fears about why I actually truly didn't wanna be in a relationship, which was really helpful. And she shared with me to have the frame of mind that things are always working out for me, and to stay in alignment and keep my head in the game, and that, again, things are working out for me in a really beautiful way. And so she shared with me that part of my process is learning about wholeness. And she said it's my wholeness that will be attracting wholeness, and how do I actually find my wholeness? How do I embody my wholeness? And, and she was sharing that it's like one of the ways you do that is by taking risks in life and, like, doing things like traveling alone while believing you're supported, and knowing that wholeness attracts wholeness because it's like attracts like. And so she saw, what would it be like to attract someone who is already whole? Well, that person probably feels, like, light and safe, right? And she said that she saw this energy of, like, a yellow ball, the solar plexus, and that everything that I learn about being whole and, you know, walking through this singlehood is something that I could teach others. And she s- I remember she looked me in the eyes and she was like, "I have to tell you, normally I can tell when people are going to meet their partners. I've done... Like, I've been able to nail the exact date, but with you, I can't, and I'm so sorry." But she said, "You're going to meet and really connect with your life partner in two years, and he's going to be like cake." And she didn't know this about me, but I fricking love cake. I was like, "Girl, you are speaking my language, okay?" And she shared with me that one of the affirmations to speak out or claim in the world is, "Universe, I am aiming for my wholeness. Universe, show me how to create wholeness either through a relationship or alone so that I can attract wholeness." And so, um, she told me that he was, that he was coming, but t- to go through the journey of dating, and I really didn't wanna do that, right? Like- I, I don't, I don't want to meet these men who I could end up breaking their heart knowing that they're not actually the ones. And I remember she said, "Here's the thing. You have to date a little bit in order to find more clarity about what you truly want in a relationship, knowing you're gonna be happy in the long run, but you actually have to go and, you know, talk with these people." And I thought that was fair because I had only ever dated, I mean, two people. One was my ex-fiance for eight years, and the other one was that, that one man who I shared with you for five years. So I, I didn't know. I only knew what I knew, right? And she said, "You will have some vegetables to try on and see. Um, and then you'll know immediately what you don't like and what you do like, and that this is a good thing, and that I can actually teach them wholeness," right? "And that I can teach them about boundaries and communication and things like that." And so I was like, "Ugh. Okay. Two years, though?" And she was like, "Yeah, but you never know who you'll love." And I, I sat back and I was like, oh my God, that's so true. Because what if I find someone who isn't a good partner, but they're a great friend, and I can love them, or I can love them from a distance and appreciate these experiences with them. And so I did go on dates, and I did not like it . But I did learn a lot, especially when it came time to saying, "Goodbye, I wish you well," or, you know, "You're not the one for me," things like that. So Flash forward to two years later. At this point, I'm in Texas with my friends, and I had completely forgotten what Amy had said and, and shared with me because I was so in love with my life. I'm hanging out with my girlfriends, I'm traveling, I am, you know, doing things in business. I'm having a blast creating, like, all this stuff. And I remember I had booked in with this woman named Bea, and it was... I had it set for February 22nd, which is 2/22, and I'm in Texas, and I, I have this oracle reading, and her business is called Angels Whispering In Light. And so she exclusively uses angel cards to channel messages from whichever angels step forward. And so I'm in it, right? I'm like, "222, what's up? This is a great way to, like, play." And so during my reading, I never asked about love. I was so hyper-focused on business. And so I remember Mother Mary had actually stepped forward for me because she's the queen of the angels, supposedly, and her message to me in my business is that I didn't have to tread water anymore, and that I could just float. And so as part of this message, Bea starts pulling oracle cards from her deck. She's shuffling, shuffling, and what comes out? Trust. Okay, great. I mean, that really tracks with that message. The next one, forgiveness. And I'm like, "Okay, well, I feel like, what do I need to forgive in order to heal, okay, or to receive more stuff like that, okay?" She pulls a third card, and the third card is the marriage card, and that card threw us for a freaking loop. I'm telling you, I was like, "What, what?" And she shared with me that the message from the marriage card was that when you love life, the love of your life comes to your life because that's the frequency that we both want to match. And I was like, "Dang, tracks, but I, I'm not dating anyone at this point, and I don't know if I wanna date people and stuff," you know? Like, I'm having so much fun as it is being single. And at that time, I had actually decided, um, I think around the year-and-a-half mark, where I was like- If I never meet someone, a soulmate, if I never meet a partner for the rest of my life, I'm good. I'm so good because I am my own soul's mate. I will walk with myself in the most loving, fun, adventurous, the best way for the rest of my life. I'm good, you know? And, like, that's the energy, right? So after pulling the marriage card and she shares that ma- that message with me, she feels called to pull two more cards, but this one was from the Focus on Love Life, and I was like, "Okay. I mean, we did have the marriage card." So she pulls Love Yourself First, and the message of that is, "Self-respect makes you more romantically attractive," which I'm like, "Baby girl, this is the energy, okay?" And then she pulls the second card, and that second card is Soulmate, and that was the message being to be the qualities that you're seeking in a romantic partner because like attracts like, and I am attracting the highest reflection of me. So we're chatting a little more because she's been married for, like, 20 or 30 years and all that stuff, and she feels called to pull one more card. And this is from a different oracle deck. It's from Postcards from Spirit. And the last card she pulls out of 52 cards, the dragonfly. I knew you knew, right? And so I was like, "Oh my God, he's coming." Fast forward a week, I think. No, not a week. Sorry. M- um, February to March, March, April, April's May. Fast-forward three months. The week before Nikolai actually comes into my life, my friend and sister both sent me photos of a dragonfly landing on them, which I thought was so cool, but I didn't connect it to, to love or anything like that. I was like, "Oh my God, my business is exploding. Yay." You know? I was so focused on that. Then a day or two before I actually meet Nikolai, my mom sends me a photo of this massive dragonfly that she found on her apartment building. And again, I'm like, "Oh my God, things are really sh- like moving and shaking, baby. Like, what is up?" Because again, so many people know how significant the dragonfly is for me. Cue Nikolai. Nikolai enters my life because he's actually flipping his barn on his property in Wisconsin so that my best friend could get married there. They couldn't find a wedding venue, and he was like, "Well, let's see what, what we can do together." And like, the caveat about Nikolai is that year... Like a few years ago, when I was with that person from, you know, where we met at Special Olympics, I met Nikolai through my best friend's now husband because they had worked together. And I had heard stories about his girlfriend and all this stuff and, and they actually all invited us to go tubing down the Apple River in Wisconsin, which is like this huge thing that people do. They get like big tubes, and they bring drinks and snacks and all that, and then they just float down the river for hours. And I remember asking my partner at the time if he wanted to go with me, and he refused. And so I was like, literally, I was the only person not dating someone out of like, I don't even know, eight people? I know eight or nine people. I was like, "Oh my God." But I decided that I am the type of person who does things even if, you know, at that time, my partner didn't wanna do them with me because I am still worthy of making memories with people that I love. Like, you're not gonna stop my life. I'm gonna do this stuff, right? So I remember sitting across from Nikolai and his girlfriend and thinking how handsome Nikolai was. But h- the, the energy between him and his girlfriend just felt so off, but I couldn't pinpoint it, and also it wasn't my business. Like, I'm in a partnership, right? And so flash forward now- Um, oh, actually, side note also, I, I went to get dinner and drinks with my best friend's now husband, but at the time they were fiancé, and Nikolai, because we were waiting for my friend to come out after she was getting off of work, and I remember Nikolai was talking about how he was gonna propose to his girlfriend, and I was like, "Don't do it." I j- I just said that out loud. Who does that? And I was like, "I don't think you should marry her." But at that time, I also, you know, I didn't believe in marriage, um, because I've never seen a happy marriage, and also because I knew some of the things that she... how she spoke to him, and the things I had observed and the stories around their relationship. I was like, "Please don't," but he did. Because he had to, right? Like, that's what he felt called to. So again, flash forward now, I remember we were standing... Or that day, my best friend was like, "Hey, do you wanna help hang lights at, um, this person Nikolai's barn? You've met him before. Like, you met him at the bar and also when we went tubing together." And I was like, "Oh, sure. Whatever. I can totally help you." So we go, and she's showing me their vision of what this barn could be. And he walks through the doors, and I swear to you, it's like time slowed down. I was like, "Oh my God, he's so handsome." Like, what? Who is this man, you know? And, um, so, uh, I, I start to get to know him because I am the friend who is helping paint their bar that he was building and laying the flooring and setting up tables and all that jazz. And through this process, I start to get to know Nikolai better. And I learn actually that he is through... He's, like, on the very tail end of getting divorced. Um, and the reason why they were getting divorced is because he found out that his wife had been cheating on him with his friend And, you know, as someone who knows how deep betrayal cuts, I completely understand that suffering. I mean, two years ago, two-plus years ago, I walked through that. I know that pain. And so I completely resonated with him and had so much compassion. And I, I remember after one of the days where we were helping to train- train, change this barn into this wedding venue, we all decided to hang out at my best friend's neighbor's house. And I remember they were giving me a tour of the home, and I see this beautiful piece of art with a dragonfly on it, and I just think, "Oh, that's curious," right? So then Nikolai and I start dating, and I'm having a blast. I'm telling you what, like I am so in awe of this man. How does someone like him exist? Like, he has such a romantic and generous heart. He is so kind and thoughtful and strong and witty and funny and wise and talented and gifted, and just like, ugh, all of these things. And I'm like, "I can't believe you exist. Like, were you made for me? Because what in the actual heaven is happening?" And I start panicking because what if he's the one? What if he's the one I'm meant to be with? Oh my God, am I ready for that? Like, I, I had made the decision that I was good no matter what. Like, I actually... I really like sleeping alone in my own bed. I like having my own space, like my own things. I love not having to answer to anyone or think about anyone else. Like, this is... I love living for me, you know? And also s- like side note, at this point While we begin dating and I'm like, I- I'm doing this even though it's scary, I remembered that my ex, who was my friend at that point, still had my house key. And so I went to go get that and as he handed me back my key, on the key ring, had a dragonfly accessory on it that I completely forgot I had because it had been like five years, right? Oh my God, I like, ugh. That dragonfly was given to me by my mom, which is so cool. And so as I'm about to leave, another interesting thing happens. He actually had been watching Futurama and, um, in the background, all of a sudden, I hear the name Nikolai mentioned because it was the name of a robot character who actually showed up for one episode during that show that I never watch. What are the odds of that? What are the freaking odds? That was totally a spirit wink if I ever, okay? So it's a few days later and I am still going through the process of like freaking out because what if my heart shatters again? And I'm trying to calm myself down, right? I'm like, "Girl, breathe. It's fine. It's fine." Like, so I ask my spirit guides, "Hey, if he's the one, if Nikolai is the one, please send me a dragonfly to prove it. Make it so crystal clear that I absolutely cannot miss it." And I ask this as we are about to embark on this like five-hour journey to my best friend's family cabin. And so I ask that internally, right? Because I'm like, "Oh my God. He's probably... Like what if he's the one?" And ugh, right, spinning out. So I ask that inside. We drive and when we get to the cabin, there are thousands of dragonflies buzzing literally everywhere. I have never in my whole life seen this many dragonflies in one place. Do I take it as a sign? Nope. Because this is probably what happens every season. Do I know that for sure? No. But it helps me ease the anxiety of like what the truth could be. And so the next day I'm like eating breakfast. Nikolai is out trying to help get the pontoon set up so that we can go for a sunset ride and Nikolai runs in to tell me that a dragonfly landed on him. I think that's cool, but do I take that as a sign? No. Why? I didn't see it with my own eyes, okay? And at this point you're probably like good girl... Or good girl, good, good girl. You're probably like good God, girl. I'm taking a drink again because my voice- Okay. Thank you for the pauses of hydration. I really appreciate it. So we're at the cabin, that's amazing, all this stuff. Another interesting thing happens. So I... There's a song called Lighthouse Keeper by Sam Smith that when I was single and just, like, had moments of just dreaming, you know, of like dreaming of a partnership, he had launched that song, and it was... It's so beautiful to me just because it's pure voice, right? And the meaning is gorgeous, and oh, it's... I just love it, so The Lighthouse Keeper, if you haven't heard it. And I remember thinking, "Man, someday if I get married, maybe that will be our song because it's so wonderful." And so I, you know, during the course of us dating, I play it for him, and he loves it. And I tell him, I'm like I just feel like this is such a romantic, beautiful song, right? And so he also loves this song because one of the things that we do is we love to sing in the car together, which is so fun 'cause he has a beautiful voice. And while he... Or not while, he actually had gotten, at the cabin, this pontoon set up. And so we decide we're gonna go for a sunset trip, and my best friend and her husband decide to stay back. Cool. Amazing. So we go, and, um, oh my God, there are dragonflies everywhere. It's so amazing. It's so beautiful. And Nikolai is trying to play this playlist or whatever that he has on the pontoon, but it's not working because he doesn't have service, which is like, ugh, okay, fine. But the sky is filled with dragonflies and this beautiful, like, magenta sunset color. It's so beautiful. And I remember as he, like, he said something to me, and I lean in to kiss him as he's, like, captaining our boat, and all of a sudden he gets service, and The Lighthouse Keeper plays. And that was the only song that, that was able to play. Like, oh, wow. So I just... I'm, I'm enamored with this man, okay? He is so romantic. He's so wonderful. And by the end of our trip at that cabin, I decide to relax about the whole, like, is he the one thing. If he is, amazing. If he isn't, I'm so happy to have met him. I decide that I'm gonna be present and love him, even if it totally shatters my heart. So we're headed back, and we actually need to get gas for the trip home, right? It's five hours, and I need coffee, okay? So I go in, and I get two mochas, and I come out, and he ends up, you know, doing the whole gas situation. And we're driving back, and I'm watching the pine trees fly by my head. I love it. I love it 'cause it's right by Lake Superior. So you have on the left this huge body of terrifying water, and then on the right you are surrounded by these pine trees. And as we're driving and I'm just, like, thinking about how beautiful the whole weekend was, Nikolai sounds like he's panicking. And he's like, "Ashley." And I'm like, "Oh, what's that tone?" And he was like, "Look." And I'm like, "What?" And he was like, "Look where I'm pointing." And he points down, and on his pant leg is a huge dragonfly sitting there. It had been with us for two miles. I immediately burst into tears. I could not believe it. Seeing that dragonfly on his leg that had been with us, which makes no sense, felt like all of the pressure that I had stored up in my body from worry and fear was just completely released. And it felt like my spirit team was telling me to just let go and trust And so moving forward to two years later, Nikolai and I are living together, and we're, like, having a blast, and he's so easy to be around even though I had to, like, learn to sh- you know, share an apartment and space and a closet and things like that. Um, and he, at this, he... Or, like, during this process, he's also learning how spiritual I am, and he knows how important dragonflies are to me and all this stuff, right? Like, he knows me at, in two years in. And he knows also that I'm, like, weird and wild and witchy and magical, and I have many oracle decks and things like that, and I pull them from time to time. And so I was pulling one for myself just for fun, and he walked by and he was like, "Oh, hey, can you pull a card for me?" And I'm like, "Yes! Yes." Okay, so I have this black and gold Cosmic Wild Oracle deck, and I am like, "Okay, here's the process. I'm gonna shuffle these cards. I want you to knock on them three times. I want you to blow on them, and then, um, as I'm shuffling, I want you to think of your question internally. You never have to say it out loud. Just speak it inside." I'm shuffling, I'm shuffling, I'm shuffling, and I take all the cards, and I put them on our bed, and I fan them out, and I teach him, like, "Just follow your heart. Feel into what card you feel pulled to, or maybe you'll feel something on your hand or whatever." And so he's going through his process. He's asking the question in his mind. He feels for a card. He slips it out from the other cards, looks at it, and I watch his eyes widen. Like, I'm telling you, he looks so shocked. And so he turns the card over in silence, and what do I see facing back at me? A black and gold dragonfly. And I'm over here like, "Ooh, I wonder what you're in the process of transforming," right? He doesn't actually tell me what his question was until later The question he asked in his mind was around proposing to me, because part of him felt like this was exactly right and he was super excited, and the other part of him was absolutely terrified because he's already been divorced. And what if I break his heart? What if I cheat on him? What if, what if, what if, right? Makes sense. We both were navigating that. But to have him pull the dragonfly out of 50-plus cards, he knew the significance of that. And so that dragonfly was the message for him to, to continue to go through the process of making my wedding band. And, um, it's custom. It has a moonstone instead of a diamond because I love moonstones, and I love how it reflects light just like... It's like the light of sunsets, you know? It's so beautiful and ethereal. And then a few months later, Nikolai flew out to Ireland to surprise me on my trip with my sisters, where he walked out of these, like, beautiful bushes near an incredibly gorgeous pond with this charming little rock bridge at the not- or the na- the na- I can't even say it. I was gonna say natational. The National Botanical Gardens of Ireland, and he got down on one knee, and he asked to spend the rest of his life with me. And I just felt like that was so interesting, like, that he had had that fear and that the dragonfly showed up for him, too, you know? And so now we have been engaged for three years, and, um, we live together and all these things, and we're talking about eloping and stuff like that, just because I really like low-key things, and I wanna spend money on travel and stuff like that. And so I bring all, like, literally all of this up because last Sunday, I was sitting on my couch and watching the birds visit our bird feeder, which Nikali, Nikali... Why my words? Why? Nikali? I- is that our names together? Um, Nikolai and I... Nikolai had put that up for me. And so we have this, like, cute little garden with this, like, fairy statue and a little water bowl with rocks in it for bugs and bees and birds, and now chipmunks and squirrels, and also a raccoon, which is great. Uh, but he put up that bird feeder for me. And so we live in a ground level apartment. And what's cool about that is we have this really big window, and outside of that window hangs the bird feeder. So I and the cats fricking love watching the birds stop by, and the squirrels, and we also have a chipmunk that we're friends with now. Her name is Ambrosia. It's, it's a whole thing, okay? So I'm sitting there on Sunday watching the birds, and just all of a sudden, this fricking massive, massive metallic green and blue dragonfly flew right in front of the window and up to hang out under my neighbor's porch that's above us, where the bird feeder is hanging. I have lived here for six or seven years now, and I've always worked from home. I have never, ever seen a dragonfly do that there. Ever. I went out in my bare feet to snap a few photos, which it let me do, and it's 1:11 right now. And it literally dropped down and flew right by my head. I heard its wings zip by, and Nikolai was looking at me from within our apartment, and his eyes were huge, and he's like, "Oh my God, that dragonfly almost hit you." And I was like, "Nah." Because they are expert level strategic flyers. Like, they are very precise. I think they are one of the best, if not the best hunters in at least the insect world, maybe even the animal kingdom Also, they were here before the dinosaurs. I just wanna let you know. Like, I have a theory that they were seeded from other planet. I'm... Yeah, okay. Sorry, I just had to say that. But as I was looking at the dragonfly, it was in- I was like, wow, green and blue. And those to me symbolize the heart chakra and the throat chakras, which I find fascinating because I think one of the reasons why I'm on the planet is to express from my heart. And that also makes sense why most of my journey has been so hard. About believing in what I have to say, and trusting what's in my heart, and following the purity of that, and speaking to it even if people don't believe me, even if they think I'm in psychosis, all of that stuff. It's been a whole thing. My whole life has centered around my heart and my throat, so I'm like, oh, my God, why this dragonfly, okay? Do I have more dragonfly stories? Yes. But I wanted to speak to these big ones because they felt important. Why? Why now am I talking about this? Because we are going through a huge energetic shift in consciousness evolution. And I remember, like, I have been feeling pulled to sharing this stor- like, these stories, and as I was thinking about the dragonfly, I saw a flash of the Gene Keys book with the dragonfly logo, and so I was like, why, why is the dragonfly part of the Gene Keys? And so Richard Rudd wrote or came up with this methodology called the Gene Keys, which is also, um, I think, inspired by or woven in with some human design stuff. Well, I learned that the dragonfly is associated with Gene Key 55, which is sometimes referred to as the Great Change or the Dragonfly's Dream. And so part of the Gene Keys is there's a shadow, a gift, and a city, if you don't know. And those are basically, I like to think of them as energy bands of i- like, archetypal energies or experiences or qualities or traits that you can start from the shadow and then evolve into the gift, which then evolves into the city. And so for Gene Key 55, I wanted to share what came through, and that shadow is victimization. At its lowest frequency, Gene Key 55 represents a state where we feel at the mercy of outside forces. We blame circumstances, other people, or society for our suffering. This shadow traps energy and emotional longing, inner dissatisfaction, and a constant search for external abundance to fill an internal void. So that's the shadow, um, that I think collectively you already know we're moving through, right? Then what's interesting about this gene key is that there are, there's the gift and the city, and they're both the same, but they have a different quality to 'em. So the gift, if we were to evolve into this, is freedom By accepting our circumstances rather than fighting them, we unlock the gift of freedom. True freedom isn't about running away from responsibilities. It's the realization that abundance and peace come from within. It's the process of letting go of ego-driven agendas and surrendering to the natural flow of life And then if we were to evolve into the Siddhi, um, which is spelled S-I-D-D-H-I, I-- when I first started Gene Keys, I was like, "What does that mean?" But it's like the higher, um, evolution of it, basically, or the higher frequency. And so the Siddhi is also freedom, which I find interesting. Um, at its absolute highest frequency or Siddhi, freedom becomes boundless. It transcends the mental definition of freedom and dissolves the ego into a state of absolute trust in life. This Siddhi represents the ultimate awakening of the human spirit. The dragonfly becomes a symbol of a profound shift in consciousness, a movement from feeling trapped by circumstances to experiencing an inner freedom that isn't dependent on external conditions. And so tying this together with the, um, symbolism that mirrors dragonflies' biology, dragonflies spend years underwater in one form and then emerge into an entirely different reality. A change in perspective, movement, and a way of being is what happens from that evolution. And so Richard Rudd uses the imagery as a metaphor, again, for humanity's evolution, and that the dragonfly isn't merely changing, it's entering a realm it couldn't fully perceive while it was still a nymph. And so I'm like this is also tied to 2027, and I wanted to dig into that and share it with you. So this is what I've researched and found. Um, within the Gene Keys framework, which has inherited some ideas from Human Design, Gene Key 55 is linked to a prophecy that humanity is approaching a significant shift in consciousness. He states that 2026, Richard Rudd does, is the closing door, and 2027 is the opening of a new epoch. Richard has written that a major mutation related to emotional awareness and the solar plexus begins around 2027, marking the start of a long evolutionary transition rather than a single dramatic event, which makes sense. And for Gene Key 55, it's linked to evolutionary movement from fear-based emotional survival toward greater emotional freedom and trust. In his framework, humanity is learning to move beyond identifying primarily with scarcity, separation, and reactivity, and moving into greater emotional intelligence, intimacy, and freedom. Richard consistently says that this shift isn't something we can force. This is one of his well-known lines about Gene Key 55, where he says, "Freedom will come on its own without our doing anything." And so for me, this weaves in so well with the dragonfly because, what? It spends most of its life preparing for something it can't experience yet. It doesn't know what flying feels like while underwater, and yet every single stage of its development contributes to that future emergence, one where it takes to the sky with new wings and again, boundless freedom. And so I wanted to share all of that because I genuinely believe that it grounds us into a level of trust in the process to trusting that what we're going through right now, even if we cannot comprehend what the future will look like or what it will bring to us, even though we see so much fear, manipulation, control, greed, and the need for so many to survive this process. I just know, like I know, like I know something incredible is coming. And, and I know this because so many of us are remembering who we are and why we're here. It's why I care so much about people regulating their nervous system so that they're more resilient. Why they turn off the news, right? Like, if it bleeds, it leads. Why when they feel activated, although I like to call it activated versus triggered, why it's so important to give yourself a pause, a beat, a breath so that you can just calm down and stop being s- so we, not just you, us, so we collectively can stop be- stop being so reactive and instead becoming more responsive from a place of empowerment and love and compassion. It's giving ourselves the space to look into our limiting beliefs and our stories and our programming and our conditioning and what we've inherited because I think we're transforming beautifully, even if it looks raw and messy and edgy and chaotic and scary on the surface. You and I, we're here to build a new, more loving, compassionate, and free world from the inside out. You've got this. We've got this. And we are in this together, and I mean that with my whole heart. So thank you for being with me. Thank you for who you are. Thank you for pausing before reacting. Thank you for taking care of yourself, even if you've never done so before. You matter. God, you matter. And I'm so excited for us because what's gonna happen when we remember we were always born with wings. We're just remembering it now. So I love you, and I hope you have a wonderful, magical day