Our words create worlds

What if the words you use every day are shaping the life you're experiencing?

Whether it's "I'm broke," "I'm not enough," "I don't have enough time," or "Nothing good ever happens to me," the words we practice become stories, and stories become the lens through which we experience ourselves, our lives, and the world around us.

In this episode, we're exploring how language influences your perception, your nervous system, and even the evidence your brain learns to notice. Inspired by Braiding Sweetgrass, neuroscience, linguistics, and the subconscious mind, this conversation invites you to step outside inherited stories and discover how a few subtle shifts in language can transform your relationship with yourself and the world around you. 🤩

What we're exploring:

• The idea from Braiding Sweetgrass that changed the way I think about language.
•  The hidden relationship between language and identity.
•  What your words have been teaching, inviting, or tasking your brain to notice.
•  How your brain gathers evidence for the stories you practice most while building your everyday experience.
• How language shapes your relationship with money, time, and self-worth.
• A more grounded way to work with language that your nervous system can receive.
• A way of working with language that creates more space, choice, and possibility without dismissing what you're feeling.
• A compassionate way to loosen the grip of limiting beliefs.
• Two questions that may change the way you speak to yourself.

Transcript

Ashley Mondor:
Hello. Hello. Thank you for being with me. Okay, this is like the fourth time I've tried recording this because Mercury retrograde, and also I'm just gonna tell you up front, like my mouth is super struggling with speaking words, and they're jumbling together, and it is becoming just a fun, delightful experience. So I'm gonna try and go a little bit slower so that maybe my mouth can catch up to my brain. Okay. Also, a little side note I am so pumped about this episode, and I don't know when the next time is that I will be recording it in the near future because my mom is back in the hospital. And if you don't know, I work for a luxury apartment building twice a week as my mom's assistant, and I'm mainly there because I have this, like, super sweet skill set I got from corporate, and I help her with things. But this means that I have to go in more. Um, I get to do her job, and the thing about that is it is such an extroverted job. I come home every time dang near completely drained because it is so extroverted, because, um, the residents there, they're wonderful human beings, but a few of them are super entitled, and most of them don't understand that when the door is closed and the sign says, "I'm in a meeting," they just knock, and they want to be acknowledged when they walk through the door, and there's this constant c- like, need for connection points, and it is draining. If you know me, you know that I hold space typically one to three hours a day for clients, and then I have to go do something else because it is so taxing on me to do that versus doing it for eight-plus hours a day, five days a week, and I just don't think anyone should be working that schedule at all. I think that that is the old paradigm. I think four days a week or less, definitely not eight hours, definitely, definitely not 10 hours or more. And so I just can't promise you when the next episode will be published because I may not have the energy for a little bit, so I want this one to, you know, live for a bit, and if I can come back and I have the energy or I have a day off or something like that and I can do that, great, amazing. So setting expectations. All right. Today, I'm so excited because we are focusing on the invisible architecture shaping your life, and more specifically, I want to explore one of those hidden beams with you, which is the language we use and the stories we tell ourselves that we mistake for reality. So if you are a witch who practices spell casting or you're someone who has studied the subconscious mind, you know that we live inside the world our words create. And all of this was inspired by a book that I'm gonna share more about with you, but I just wanted to share up front that our words and the way we structure sentences are truly powerful tools, and they train and influence your attention, your, your perception, and your habits of thought, which also shapes your experience. So If we were to come back to witchcraft, which I grew up, um, practicing nature magic with my mom. Uh, if you are a practitioner of the magical arts and spell casting, you know that words spoken with clear intention and infused with energy and then paired with items or invocations that you truly believe in, well, that can profoundly change your reality. So I wanna weave some of that in today. I have examples. I have action steps you can take. I researched this. I looked into the neuroscience of it, so it feels kinda beefy for an episode or like I'm a vegetarian, it feels planty beanie. Ah, oh, oh, lima beans. Okay. Um, so where do we begin if we want to start living in a new world? All right. Okay. This entire episode is inspired by one chapter that I read in Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer that I literally keep coming back to and thinking about because what I'm about to teach sits within linguistics and psychology, also philosophy and culture, which I think is so fun. Also, side note, many people have recommended Braiding Sweetgrass to me, but I didn't feel called to it yet. So I started researching her and learned that she wrote The Serviceberry, which I did a previous episode on because it was so moving for me because it was about the gift economy and, you know, ways that we can start working with the gift economy now, knowing that money as we have it today will definitely not be in our future. It's going to completely change and transform, and I think a lot of it is going to be rooted in community and shared resources and things like that. And so it's always fun, you know, to step into new experiences and/or ancient experiences and perspectives, right? So I read, um, The Serviceberry, and then I jumped into Braiding Sweetgrass, and I am not even midway through it because I, I am really just wanting to soak it in. So this... I love her writing. It's, it's poetry. And the things that you learn, ah. Okay. So there are a few things I want to share with you from this book. I'm gonna read them. Um, this chapter that I'm speaking to is Learning the Grammar of Animacy. To be native to a place, we must learn to speak its language. All right. So for a little context, I believe, I Googled this, the way that you say it is Potawatomi, Potawatomi. And I may be saying that completely wrong, even though I tried to Google it and, and say it loud. I, I mean only respect and care, and I hope that I don't completely say it wrong. But my heart is here for all the genuine reasons, okay? So Robin is taking a learning, or a learning class. She's taking a language learning class, which is the Potawatomi language, because I think there are only nine, at least at the time of this writing, nine people in the world who are fluent in it. And so she wants to be someone who can help keep this language alive, and for very good reason, because of the way that it represents their culture and their worldview, and I think many people would actually benefit from this perspective, which is why I wanna share it with you. So she said in this chapter, um, "Tuesdays and Thursdays at 12:15 Oklahoma time, I join the Potawatomi lunchtime language class, streaming from tribal headquarters via the internet. There are usually about 10 of us from all over the country. Together we learn to count and to say, 'Pass the salt.' Someone asks, 'How do you say please pass the salt?' Our teacher, Justin Neely, a young man devoted to language revival, explains that while there are several words for thank you, there is no word for please. Food was meant to be shared. No added politeness needed. It was simply a cultural given that one was asking respectfully. The missionaries took this absence as further evidence of crude manners." So again, what I love about this very brief snippet is that Robin showcases how language grows out of culture, right? If generosity is already assumed and it's something you all agree to, you do not need a word that politely negotiates generosity because it's just what is. And then, um, it makes you think about, well, these, um, these missionaries or, um, I think the word is colonizers. You come in with your own worldview and your own perspective and using black and white thinking and separatist ideals and things that it's like, well, you are not me, I am not you, we are different, and then trying to enforce your own belief systems on people and the way that you see the world and stuff like that. Like, ugh, does that, does that mean that your way is right? Or can we actually learn from people? Which is why I wanted to bring this to you, obviously. Woo. Okay. So also our English word please is saying, "I am asking you for something that belongs to you," versus we share, which is a different worldview, especially for things like food and water, and hopefully someday energy, right? Free energy and things like that. Okay. Also, in English, we typically fuse our identity with temporary experiences by saying things like, "I am anxious. I am angry. I am depressed," which tells your subconscious mind this state or experience or feeling is me Rather than in other languages or more reflective traditions, the state doesn't define who you are. They say things like, "Anger is here," or, "Sadness is moving through me," which tells your subconscious mind, this is something I'm experiencing. And the reason why this is so powerful is because language creates space between the observer and the emotion when you are using sentence fragments like that or focusing in that way. Again, like sadness is moving through me. I actually heard someone... I wish I could remember her name. I'm so sorry. But she was talking about this exact thing for people who are struggling with money, the, it's the same language where it's like, "I'm broke." Which by the way, I'm gonna get to money in a little bit here. But instead of saying like, "I'm so broke," or I'm, "I suck with money," or whatever, "I never have enough money," or whatever, you can say, "I'm in between blessings," or, "I'm between blessings." And to me, that reads as so empowering because you're saying, "I honor what is, and I have full faith in knowing that what is mine is coming. It's already on its way. I assume law of assumption. I know that another blessing is already on its way." Right? Ugh, if that doesn't feel so freaking powerful. Okay, shifting gears a little bit just because how could I not speak on this part? Let me change this. Okay. Um, I also love how in Potawatomi, um, language, many living beings, because this is animacy, are treated grammatically as persons rather than objects. So Robin explains that English divides the world into people are human versus objects are things. So to give you an example, there, they, she says some of the words in here, and I'm telling you, I'm not gonna be able to say it. Okay. She shares, "To whom does our language extend the grammar of animacy? Naturally, plants and animals are animate, but as I learn, I am discovering that the Potawatomi understanding of what it means to be animate diverges from the list of attributes of living beings we all learnt in Biology 101. In Potawatomi 101, rocks are animate, as are mountains and water and fire and places, beings that are imbued with spirit. Our sacred medicines, our songs, drums, and even stories are all animate. The list of the inanimate seems to be smaller, filled with objects that are made by people. Of an inanimate being like a table, we say, 'What is it?' And we answer Dapwenyewe. I, that, that's totally wrong, but it's spelled D-O-P-W-E-N-Y-E-W-E. And the response is, "Table it is." But of apple, we must say, "Who is that being?" And reply, Mshiminyawe. Oh, God. M-S-H-I-M-I-N space Y-A-W-E. And the response would be, "Apple that being is." And so I just love that because I personally am of the belief that again, like rocks and elements and plants and trees, they're beings. They're living beings. I know because I've connected with them. You can't tell me that the mushrooms are not living beings. They are absolutely intelligent. Like, good act- good God, okay? So, um, Robin also shared that when she began the process of learning Potawatomi, she s- she started relating differently to the natural world because the language itself kept inviting relationship, right? And I think there is... Let me see. Can you hear that? That is the pages being turned, the pages of our lives. She shares... Okay, yes. Ah. Woo-hoo-hoo. Ah. "The animacy of the world is something we already know, but the language of animacy teeters on extinction, not just for Native peoples, but for everyone. Our toddlers speak of plants and animals as if they were people, extending to them self and intention and compassion, until we teach them not to. We quickly retrain them and make them forget. When we tell them that the tree is not a who but an it, we make that maple an object. We put a barrier between us, absolving ourselves of moral responsibility and opening the door to exploitation. Saying it makes a living land into natural resources. If a maple is an it, we can take up the chainsaw. If a maple is a her, we think twice I wish everyone could hear that because I know that if you're listening to me, that's already probably a view that you have, or it's one that you're open to beginning to play with. So shifting gears now. First, if we could have some water, if you have water near you, chug a lug Okay I think that the key here is that English loves to label, and this is my fluent language. I tried Spanish, and that was a great adventure. Uh, the reason why I... Like, I could... Oh, mini story. I, in college, was, uh, invited to double major in communications and Spanish. The problem was, is I didn't believe in my language skills, and I didn't have people I could be immersed in where I could practice all the time. I can only imagine what could have happened, okay? Ugh. Okay, here. So again, English loves to label. Like examples, I am an introvert, I'm broken, I'm successful, I'm traumatized, I'm a perfectionist. But other ways of speaking sound like I'm experiencing anxiety. I lean towards perfectionism. I've been carrying grief. Fear is here today The first examples I shared with you, those labels, they lock you into a prison or an identity, but the other ways of speaking offer you freedom because they create a sense of movement, right? Like, I'm experiencing anxiety for now, but I may be experiencing, you know, joy tomorrow. Who knows? And the reason why this feels so important right now is because languages rehearse a particular way of seeing reality, and that's why changing even one t- sentence can change your whole experience. So I wanted to deepen this juste a wee bit by jamming with you on common limiting beliefs because why the frick not, honestly, and I thought it would be fun. So yay. Uh, before we dive in though, I wanted to speak to how much of the self-help world uses language and affirmations basically to swing to extremes, which your nervous system does not vibe with. So when you hear things like, "Just say you're abundant," even though your checking account might not actually, you know, be in the clear, and maybe it's in the red, and that checking account hasn't caughten up to the reality that you actually desire living in. Well, that's, that's ugh. Your brain is gonna be like, "What are you talking about?" Or this one, "Just think positively." And I'm gonna tell you, like, this one just feels really hard to hear or accept when you're in a super challenging season. When people have said this before, I'm like, "Man, you are just really diminishing what I'm going through and overriding how I feel right now, and that's not the vibe." And your body also is like, "Can we not?" And then, "Everything is amazing." And sure, like on one day you could feel that way, but, you know, as someone who also has had my adrenals crash out and hit burnout, everything was not amazing in that moment. Granted, in hindsight it was helpful to let me know how far I had not been listening to my body, of course, but I had to lead myself to that realization. You can't just say everything is amazing right now when it's like really, really awful and hard and, you know, you're going through a huge struggle because your body is like, "Yeah, but I'm in pain," right? So again- I'm not trying to diminish your experience, and I'm not trying to swing you to any extreme. The key here is that I'm not, I'm not overriding your nervous system by trying to replace your experience because that's not helpful. I am looking to support our bodies by changing our relationship to reality. So now our focus is on what? What relationship do words create between me and my experience? And that word is relationship. So I'm gonna give you a few examples that I hear all the time, and I wanna take you through different perspectives that help create more space. And I'm sharing this because I'm hoping that maybe it's an episode that you come back to when you need it, right? Or maybe I plant something in you today that you'll be able to lean on when the time is right or when it's needed. So here are, here are the beliefs that I have heard and also have also experienced because human things. So instead of saying like, "I am anxious," which is an identity filter at a subconscious level, you shift it to maybe, "Anxiety is here today," which is experiential. Or, "A part of me feels anxious," which shifts you to the observer. Or, "My nervous system is asking for something," which brings through curiosity. And then possibility is saying, "Hmm, my body is trying to protect me." And so from any of those, you can actually respond to yourself with care instead of criticism, right? Next up, I'm broken. You could say, "Something in me is asking to heal." Or a compassionate lens is, "Parts of me learn to survive," or, "I experiencing something that hurt me deeply." A new perspective could be, "My system adapted brilliantly when it needed to." Or you can shift to wonder, "I'm still becoming Next up, instead of saying nothing good ever happens to me, which reads as an absolute fact that your brain filters experiences through, you could shift to curiosity, which sounds like that's the story my brain keeps expecting. Or you could shift to agency. I wonder what goodness I've stopped noticing. Or you can expand beyond and say, "I'm becoming available to different experiences." So you can root that new shift actually by telling yourself or thinking, "I'll look for three moments that don't fit that story," or, "What went right that I almost overlooked?" Or, "Today, I'll become a collector of exceptions." Because every belief has exceptions. Did you know that? I know. That's so fun. That is so fun. I actually think of beliefs like gradients. Um, you can have the total negative one all the way to the super positive one, and there's a gradient that you can move to on your way to whichever one you'd rather experience. But a collector of exceptions is sexy, is it not? Okay, money, 'cause we talked about this. I'm broke or I'm terrible with money. You can honor your present reality right now by saying, "Money feels tight right now." And then you can shift to a choice. I'm learning a new relationship with money, or, and this one is my jam because I do it all the time, I'm learning to steward money differently. And you can learn how to steward 10, tens of dollars, hundreds, thousands, millions, right? You can meet every new edge or every new challenge from a new perspective, from a more empowered choice. Okay, if we were to shift this to a more expansive perspective, I'm creating more capacity for wealth. Oh. Yeah, I love that. Okay. Or you can ground into your reality without needing to, again, override it by saying, "My bank account is one snapshot. It's not my identity." And when you move through this process of, you know, if we were to say like I'm broke to money feels tight right now to this is my current circumstance, not my identity, to you can shift to an empowering action like, today, I'll make one decision that supports the future I'm building. Oh. Doesn't that feel good? Dang, that lands for me. Because one decision feels much easier than zooming all the way out to the end state that you have no idea how to get there. But if present you right now is building your future, and you're building it in alignment with your capacity to hold and steward more money, more wealth, right? Dang, I can only imagine what will happen for you. All right, next up. "I don't have enough time." Okay. Reality is, I'm making difficult choices with the time that I have. You can own it by saying, "I'm choosing where my attention goes." Or this one, presence. I only ever have this moment I only ever have this moment. I only ever have this moment. I just love that one because we think that our life is like a snippet of snapshots, right? Like they are... It's a movie, and we think that time progresses linearly, past, present, future. But all you have is the present moment. It's always right now, right here, right now, right here, right now. And this is a place of power always if you, if you choose it, you know? And so I also wanted to speak to the last three, where it's like, "Nothing ever good happens to me," "I'm broke or terrible with money," or, "I don't have enough time." Well, this is where the neuroscience comes in, and the reason why the last three are specifically fascinating is because if your language assumes scarcity, you tune your reticular activating system by focusing your attention on collecting more evidence for scarcity. And I like to s- to myself, I think of the reticular activating system as a gatekeeper or a guardian of the gates, or really, it's like a fancy importance detector. So it's called a RAS, but I like to call it a razzle dazzle. Uh, why? I don't know. But I just like you would know. Uh, because I love disco balls. Like, I love how they reflect rainbows of light or whatever, so I kind of think of it like a razzle dazzle, just bada bing, bada boom, uh, filtering out millions of pieces of sensory information every second. And it lets only the most important details into your conscious awareness, and it makes confirmation evidence or confirmation bias feel more obvious, while things that are contradictory or evidence that goes against that, it... well, it's easier to miss. S- which is why if people keep saying, "I'm broke, I'm broke, I'm broke," you're going to give yourself the opportunity to focus your energy, your attention on more, l- like more brokeness, more scarcity, more lack, right? And so when you say things like, as another example, "I'm always overlooked," that reads as an instruction to your brain. Your brain then says, "Got it. What evidence can I find today that confirms I'm always overlooked?" Which is interesting because that was a story for me for so long. I was like, "Why don't I have more people in my world? Like, am I... Does that mean I'm a terrible writer? Does that mean I'm a terrible speaker? Does that mean that what I have to say doesn't matter? Why do I see people who are speaking to surface level stuff being so successful, so visible, so seen, like rocking it in business?" But I kept saying like, "Well, people can't see me." And you know what happens? People don't see you. Because you're looking for that evidence. You're saying, "Oh my God, please don't see me. I'm afraid of being seen. I'm afraid of being visible. What could you find if you truly see me? Is it something shameful?" Right? Or a fraud. That was one that I had for a long time. Um, and then you move beyond it and it's like, well, vanity metrics are that, vain. And I actually have the most wonderful people who share the most beautiful things with me in Messenger or in my client sessions, or when people reflect back something that I said, it's like, "Oh my God, I am so seen, and I'm seen by the right people." Okay? Another example, because I think they're helpful. If I said every day, "People can't be trusted," well, my razzle dazzle starts collecting proof versus, "I'm learning to discern who is trustworthy." And the reason why this is so helpful is because you're honoring that trust requires wisdom, but your attention now is scanning for discernment rather than just only danger. You expand your perspective, right? And I think that's what the world needs. They need to just start expanding more of their perspective. But I know that in order to shift the world, we shift us internally, and it's why it's so cool that you're here. Okay, next example, but first water, and maybe, like, if you need to hit pause, pause. Okay Other belief. I'm struggling. Well, you could shift that to a new process that says, "I'm in a season of learning." Or shift it from a compassionate lens. This feels hard. Or you can shift it to movement, which is like, I'm finding my footing. Or the wisdom perspective which says, "I'm becoming someone who knows how to navigate this." Oh God, does that not feel so good? I'm becoming someone who knows how to navigate this. And how do you do that? It's through experience. It's by walking the steps, right? I think also this is so helpful to remember that people who are learning aren't expected to know everything. If you've had kids or you were a kid, which I mean, unless you're like an alien who's been here for hundreds of years, which hey, if you are. I- if you were learning to tie your shoes, hopefully your parents didn't like embarrass you or make you feel like a failure when you were trying to learn, right? And then you learn by trying and practicing over and over and over and over again. You were allowed to learn. You were allowed to learn in school. You're allowed to learn in jobs. Like you're not gonna know everything. No one can know everything, except for Source obviously. But right now we have the veil of amnesia, so the Source within you is, you know, just learning. And when you let yourself remember that people who are learning aren't ex- aren't expected to know everything, you can let yourself take the next small step instead of trying to have the whole path figured out, right? Because you're becoming someone who knows how to navigate whatever it is that you're navigating. Next belief. I'm too much. Reframe. Baby, my bigness isn't for everyone, and I agree. Truth perspective. My energy belongs in the right rooms. Compassion. I've learned to confuse visibility with danger. Oh, I did. And then expanding beyond. I'm learning where I fit naturally instead of making myself smaller. And I just wanna put a little note here because when you let yourself trust that your energy actually isn't for everyone, and honestly thank God for that, because that's like asking all flowers in the whole world to be pink roses, and that would be so boring. Can you imagine every single flower across the whole world is that? No. No. We need diversity and nuance and unique energy signatures because different flowers offer different gifts or medicines for beings who are uniquely able to receive from that flower. Different flowers thrive in different environments and ecosystems because that's where they're meant to be, right? So my friend, let your energy be different so you can take up the space that's genuinely yours, and everyone else will vibrate out of your space, or they'll be triggered or activated by you, and even that is not your work. Okay. Next up. Instead of saying, "I'm not enough-" Observation says, "A part of me believes that I have to earn belonging, but the truth is, worth isn't something I achieve. I'm worthy because I exist." Or shifting into possibility, "I'm practicing treating myself like someone who is already enough," or, "I'm practicing showing up before I feel worthy," or, "I don't have to prove my worth to practice believing it." And then from there, you can act on something like letting one decision reflect the truth that you already belong because you belong where you decide you belong, honestly. And if it's one decision, one teeny action step that helps you start to cultivate that belief, I mean, why not? Okay, uh, last one, the I should, and I wanted to speak to this because I hear it all the time where it's like, "I should be doing that. I should be doing this. I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." I should usually points to an internalized voice, like from your parents or from religion or from guilt or shame or whatever, and I wanted to give you three options to play with, so you could inste- instead say like, "I want to do X, Y, and Z," or, "I choose to do X, Y, and Z," which when you say I choose, it actually gives you your agency back. Um, but I actually really like the next one, which is, "It matters to me to..." It matters to me to blank. I love that. It matters to me because you're finding your own internal why, right? I also think that this is helpful language because should feels like an obligation versus I choose to or it matters to me, which feels like the motivation is coming from within me. And candidly, like, feeling obligated isn't motivating because I don't wanna feel like I'm being told to do something. I want to feel empowered and in making my own decisions and acting from that place. I... Oh, this is why I couldn't really have a boss or work in a system because I was like, I, I can... I think I can do it better. Like, I want to do better. I want... Oh, I can't do that. I don't have a say in that. What are you talking about? They're like, "Well, you have to. It's your job," and I'm like, "Hmm." And then you start playing with, it matters to me to try this. It matters to me to do it this way, and I mean, even talking with people, if that doesn't help you position yourself in a more powerful way, right? Um, I also wanted to share all of this because language fascinates me, especially when it's paired with neuroscience, and I wanted to bring you insights that guide you away from speaking, like, as if you are a prisoner or from the prison and to start speaking as the person who holds the key because you do. And that is a powerful identity shift, right? Like, it happens from small shifts, small perspectives, or new frames, and then you take action from that place. Oh my God, when I said that, it was 77.7 megabytes. Ooh, heavenly. Okay. Small shifts, small perspective changes, and then moving from those places versus the story that you keep telling yourself or the story that you received or the beliefs that you have inherited, right? Over time, all of those tiny actions, they become evidence, and evidence helps you reshape your beliefs about yourself and your reality, and that's how you are the architect. That's how you work with the invisible realms, right? The invisible structure is what are your thoughts? What are your emotions? What are your beliefs? And how do you act from that place? If you can come back to more empowering language, speaking from that place, and then choosing one action From the applet, my God, what's gonna happen for you? So I also wanted to leave you with two questions because they ask similar things, but I know that wording can unlock different things for different people. So first question, if the language you use every day is inviting you to see... Oh. I read too fast. I didn't wanna forget this question, obviously. If the language you use every day is inviting you how to see the world, what has it been teaching you to notice? Hmm. And then, like, if you were to write down what you've been noticing, what is that? Is it stemming from a single belief or a frame of mind? And then the second question is, your brain is always collecting evidence. The only question is evidence for what? A little, little electrical, you know? So we may not have chosen the language that we inherited from our parents or society or the systems that we've been conditioned to live within, but we can become conscious of the language that we continue to practice. So happy practicing, my friend. What a time to be alive. I'm so excited. I love you. Thank you for being with me, and I hope you have a wonderful, magical day